I’m a new dad to be and I have partner who I have been with for 7 years, she’s got a 8 year old daughter and see’s her dad for 3 nights one week and then 2 nights the next week.
Before myself and my partner tried for our baby we agreed that we still needed the time for us and also when the new baby comes having that time as just the 3 of us would be healthy.
Recently her daughter has said she doesn’t want to go to her dads as she misses her mum to much and they have agreed that she will go one night a week. This has upset me as i feel like I’m just being pushed to the side and when I try to talk to my partner to discuss how it’s making me feel and tell her my concerns and that I think it would be healthy for the time to be just us and the three of us , the response I get back is my child will come first and if she doesn’t want to go to her dads she doesn’t have to.
yes this is usually how it is. their child will always come first and you have to accept that. i was close to marrying again. she has a child. way she spoke about him, you would think the child is from the royal family. then her ex was bugging her to get back with him. found it all off-putting so called things off.
I understand that and I’ve brought up the child for 7 years but we always had ‘us’ time aswell and since she has come to ours apart from night they have both pushes me away, honestly don’t know what to do
sounds to me like you are pushing your partners daughter away. it should be the 4 of you, when you met your partner you knew she had a child and now you are expecting a child you are basically pushing her away and she is probably picking up on this. you could ask why she don't want to go to her dads. it don't seem to me that her mum is not encouraging it. remember she is only 8 years old and seems pretty selfish to me and if her dad isn't giving her what she wants and you are pushing her out you are going to have untold problems in the future
Your step daughter may be feeling jealous and worried that she will be left out when the new baby arrives which is normal. As you mention it is important for you to have time together with the new child but the elder child is still part of the family unit and needs to feel that she is, have you thought about spending some 1ot1 time with the 8yrear old and building that into part of family life so that your relationship with her becomes stronger and then once the baby comes encourage her to be as involved as you and your partner would like.
Absolutely agree with Dobble53
This is the only way forward, build a relationship with your step-daughter!
Children naturally become jealous when a new arrival comes along which could be why she doesn't want to see her dad for fear of being pushed out.
Children do sense when their not wanted and do tend to cling more to their mum in uncertain times to.
Making her feel included, wanted and part of the family unit will help put her at ease and perhaps she'll continue to see her dad as she was before but give her time.
What is your partner's relationship with the ex like? If it's good, one way might be to go somewhere where all of you are there (after the current situation with social distance has changed obviously) so your step daughter can see her dad without feeling she's being pushed away.