• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: finding my relationship hard with my partner now

finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5815

hi my name is matt,

I am 19 years old and my partner is 21, she has two kids already with a different father but he doesn't see the kids so i am the only father figure they have, daddy matt is fine for me lol, ive been wth my partner only 6 months and she is 17 weeks pregnant and im finding that we dont touch much and she finds things alot more annoying about me, sometimes it gets me down as i do so much for her and i am making a huge step for her and her kids at such a young age, i know she loves me but sometimes its hard to see that.... anybody else had these experiences???

thanks.

matt.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5816

Hi daddyhippohead,

Do you mind if I refer to you as dhh (great name btw). Mate - Could be a lot of things, I would personally suggest hormones - her hormones will be all over the place at the moment, she also has a lot on her plate with 2 kids already and another on the way.

Bear with it and offer her as much support as you can, make sure your still communicating about the important things and make sure she knows how important she is to you - whether by word or action.


Hope this helps

Gooner :ugeek:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

My last day as DAD.info Community Manager was 1st April 15 - www.dad.info/forum/current-affairs-news-...ussion/43334-goodbye

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5830

Hi dhh (if its good enough for Gooner then its good enough for me)

I agree with what Gooner has said and would imagine that what he has said is the reality but I also have to point out that your 6 months into a relationship and it might have run its course (I really hope not as you have a little one on the way).

You guys really jumped into this relationship with both feet with the whole pregnancy thing. She's over 4 months gone and you have been together 6 months - was it planned ? I guess what I am really asking is are you together still because she got pregnant or do you think you would be together even if she wasn't. Normally two people date, see how that goes for a while (normally over a longer period than two months ;) ). Maybe move in together and enjoy being a couple for a few years and then think about kids. Sorry if I am being to nosey (feel free to tell me where to go)...... Don't get me wrong I am really impressed with you stepping up to the plate at such a young age. I really hope it works out for you and that you are a great Dad to the three kids.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5885

cheers guys.

yea it was planned, i was told i had a problem with my sperm and she wanted to complete us as a family so we wanted to while the kids was young, that explaining why we have not wanted a few years, we live together already cause i was forced to moved out by my parent, tough love lol...

i meen its hard being so young aswell, alot to take on.

did you guys ever go through no sex?

thanks for getting back

look forward to hearing from you both.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5896

Hi Dhh

You are right - it is a lot to take on for one so young but it sounds as if you are doing a great job so far. Lots of women go off sex during pregnancy - it is very common - you really are not on your own. The important thing is that you talk to her, without putting her under pressure, about how you are feeling. If she doesn't want to have sex talk about other ways to satisfy your need for intimacy, such as kissing, caressing, and holding each other.

I hope this helps.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

mikey
DadTalk Moderator

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5899

i cant even touch her, she hates it all, no kiss, no cuddles, i dunno how to play it?? or think what else i can do?? but yea it is hard bringing up the 2 kids and running around after them and doing loads with no affection or any thing, i know i should not be selfish but its hard to come to terms with i guess.


thoughts??

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5908

Hey there dhh,

Sounds like a tough situation. For women, communication is usually a really big deal. Have you guys talked about it? Not fought, just talked (more challenging than it sounds, I know). I'm sure you're really frustrated and confused, so it may be hard to bring it up without blowing up, but I'd suggest sitting down to talk about it at a neutral time - like, not immediately after you've tried to initiate affection and been shot down. Maybe just when you're hanging out after the kids have gone to bed.

Saying, "I really care about you and love the kids, and you're doing a great job with them and with the pregnancy. Is there anything I can do to help you out more? Or is there anything you're struggling with that you want to talk about?"

Just opening up the lines of communication without her feeling attacked or emotional or even guilty that she's been rejecting you could be good. If you bring it up in that way, she may feel less defensive and open up to you about what's going on with her emotionally.

As a woman (yeah, I'm a woman), I feel totally guilty if my husband ever makes a comment about my not being up for sex as much as he is, and I can get really defensive. I want to be there for him in that way, so if I feel like he's disappointed, I get insecure and upset, and will close up rather than opening up to him about why I might not be feeling as affectionate as normal.

I'm also 24 weeks pregnant, and I know for the first 14 weeks at least, I was totally not up for sex. I just felt tired and sick. This time period is different for all women, and your partner may just be experiencing some hormonal stuff, or even feeling tired or overwhelmed or scared of this new addition and how it's going to affect your family. I think just make sure you remind her you're committed to sticking things out and supporting her and taking care of the kids - that may help to put her mind at ease.

Let us know how it goes!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

HoodWink
DadTalk Editor

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5910

  • actd
  • actd's Avatar
  • Away
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 11304
  • Thank you received: 1755
Hi hoodwink,

Nice to have a view from 'the other side' - helps get things into perspective :)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5931

I'd echo the previous comments and say your doing a great job by the sounds of things and you sound like a good guy.
I had my kids pretty early although not as early as you but I can see why you did.
I think you should read my thread 'sex sex sex'.
I agree that you should talk with her and be understanding and everything. But don't be afraid of being a bit selfish.
She is pregnant, its not a serious illness no matter what the midwife says and there does seem to be a culture around pregnant women that they can behave however they want because they are pregnant.
You are just as important as her in the relationship and in the same way that you are happy to do extra stuff and go out of your way to make her happy, she should do the same for you.
Equality is very important in the relationship and you should be with a woman who treats you the same way you should treat her and that is with love affection and respect.
You should make her understand that its not easy for you either and that you need to be close now more than ever.
You have made a commitment to her by having this baby and you will always be in a relationship by virtue of your child whether or not you are together but there is no harm in thinking of yourself as well.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 10 years 3 months ago #5939

i cant even touch her, she hates it all, no kiss, no cuddles, i dunno how to play it?? or think what else i can do?? but yea it is hard bringing up the 2 kids and running around after them and doing loads with no affection or any thing, i know i should not be selfish but its hard to come to terms with i guess.thoughts??


Hi DHH

This thought is a tad left field but hope you don't mind me asking!! Your girlfriend is 21 and will have 3 kids... how does she feel about that? I know this pregnacy was planned (congratualtions by the way, fatherhood is awesome!) On any level has what your experiancing right now as a couple got anything to do with her potentially dealing with her life plans and emotions around that?

My wife often says to me when she's dealing with stuff "its not all about you sometimes i just need space to think and sort my feelings out".. during those times i give her space, let her know i love her by doing various things that communicate love and put my shoulder to the plough and press through. It's not a bad thing and its not hard going either.

If she doesn't want to talk or be physical for now just except that and have a plan to support her verbally, physically and emotionally. She will love you for that. Ask her how you can support her right now. Be her support. Realtionships that work over the long haul are based on serving/supporting one another. Some days you will need her strength and some days she'll need yours!

Also dude I just want to say that you have what it takes to do this fathering, parenting, partner thing. Age is irrelivant its all about choice! :D

Looking forward to hearing how it all goes for you ... we are all here to support you.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re: finding my relationship hard with my partner now 9 years 11 months ago #7125

Hi all,

First time post and i feel this is the closest link to my situation and could do with some advice. Firstly i really feel for you dhh, and think although i'm further down the line than you it's a very similar situation.
My wife and I had a beautiful son 9months ago and he's amazing in every way. The down side to him entering our lives is that we seem to have become two seperate live in parents. For the past 9months we've been up and down and right now we've both openly stated that he's the only thing keeping us in the same house. We too have not had any physical contact since he was born despite my interests. She's had concerns over some possible lumps down below (so far docs say they are nothing to worry about) and feels i've not been supportive enough of that but she would never talk about it and on the odd occasion i broached it, it was played down. I look at our wedding pics and i feel i'm still that man where she admits she's changed and i have not. I cook and clean (although she never feels i do enough around the house) and she's constantly tired and irritable, yet i really and truly do my share if not more. The mother in law and sister in law have even stated that i'm a fantastic husband and dad. We've talked on a few occasions but just disagree each other and feel the other person is in the wrong.
I'm petrified that she's given up on the relationship and that she will leave me and take him with her. I'd be distraught at the thought of our relationship breaking down but losing him would rip my insides out and can't handle the thought of it.
Sorry for jumping on your link dhh but could do with some advice from you and everyone else. We were an unbelievably happy couple last year and being together involved no effort whatsoever. Now general conversation is a chore and i can feel the hate from her and i really don't know what else to do.....

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1