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TOPIC: Contact

Contact 4 months 3 weeks ago #93099

Hey everyone

Brand new to this site but thought I would give it a shot as I've run out of solutions to my situation and was hoping maybe some of your guys may have some advice.

Bit of background; I split with my wife at the end of 2016 due to her having an affair whilst pregnant with our second child. It was a shitty time to say the least but in hindsight was a blessing in disguise. As following on from the break up I came to see what a truly horrid human she could be. Aside from the predictable using the children as weapons against me in her attempt to keep control over me, she walked out on the children (ages 5 and 6 months) leaving them home alone, my daughter suffered a 'mysterious' broken leg and she was drunk in charge of a vehicle with my children in the car when she had a head on collision. During this time I had been permitted sketchy contact with my children, with a period of when she completely stopped any visits with my daughter as she said she was 'unsafe' in my care! She had also taken it upon herself to fill my son's head with all kinds of nonsense about me and laying the blame at my door. She stops and starts contact, harassed me with phone calls at home and at work to the point where I had an harassment pin placed on her. She posts all sorts of abuse on social media about me and fabricates elaborate lies to my friends and family about how I have left her in a mess and don't want to see my children. Throughout this whole circus I have never retaliated or been abusive to her. I reassure my children that I love them and do not get involved with the he said she said business. I send birthday and Christmas presents. I have attended mediation until her most recent antics where she got herself so drunk that her boyfriend took the kids from her and placed them with her mother and they have been there ever since under a care order. I have since been visited by a social worker who is working with my children to reinstate contact with me which recommenced last wkend (after a gap of almost 8 months) I met with her current boyfriend as I have refused to deal with her and contact went surprisingly well. The second contact was due this wkend just gone but last minute my son had a party to go to and I wasn't informed until just hours before. The social worker has stressed how important structure and consistency is for the children and that it is important to stick to the plan. But unfortunately I can see history repeating itself. I am unable to afford court fees or a solicitor and have explored full custody but have been advised that it would likely be a lengthy and costly process and in most cases not be successful (despite her history!). I really don't know what more I can do at this point and I foresee my children being put through yet more drama as their mother can't seem to let go and enjoys a show . I've moved on and am able to separate the past fron the now, I have a new baby and step son and am in a stable relationship and just want for all my children go be happy and healthy without all this game playing. Unfortunately my ex wife is a very unpredictable and unstable character who frankly I am wary to be around. I am however able to communicate with her partner something I believe has backfired on her (being the guy who serviced her during our marriage!) It appears on all accounts that she doesn't like things going smoothly or moving on.. as when they do she tends to create a issue to mess things up.

I apologise for the really long post but needed to paint the picture.

So really what I'm asking .. is if any of you have ever experienced anything like this? And how did you deal with it ? Does it get better?

Sometimes I think those kids would be better off without me ... would save them all the confusion... instability and emotional upheaval. She has already taken it upon herself to instruct them to call her boyfriend Daddy. Maybe until they are older he would be someone who can give them what she won't let me.


Thanks in advance.

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Last Edit: by everycloud18.

Contact 4 months 3 weeks ago #93118

  • Mojo
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Hi there

I’m sorry you’ve had such a struggle to see your children, you’re not alone in having to deal with the kinds of things you’ve mentioned, we have a good number of members that have experienced similar... you only have to read through previous threads.

Have you spoken to the Social Worker about the cancelled weekend, hopefully she will be proactive in sorting this out. I would also speak to her about how they feel about the children living with you, transferring the care order into your name perhaps.

If you find yourself in a position to make a court application, it would be a good idea to,get the Social Services support, so work with them and be proactive in getting contact progressed quickly.

All,the best

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Not legally trained... just plenty of experience and common sense!

Contact 4 months 3 weeks ago #93156

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I agree entirely - I would have thought that Children's Services would be more than happy to support your application as long as they are happy that you can provide for their welfare, so I'd speak to them to see what they can do to assist.

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