Recently got introduced to the group and seeking a little guidance as I am going through a messy separation. I have read a few bits and this seems like a place where support if anything can be achieved.
My situation is I basically asked for a divorce dec 2017 from my wife whom I married July 2015. She had increasingly become a very angry, jealous and over controlling person particularly after children (we have two 3 and 5). One goes to nursery full time and the other school full-time. She brushed the divorce aside initially and didn’t want to engage. I suggested mediation but she didn’t come round to that idea till Jan 19. I had gone for my session 4th May 2018. Through 2019 she would discredit the first mediator, we both agreed on another mediator whom she then insisted didn’t understand our complexities and would only agree too if she brought on another mediator. Her new mediator turned out to be a lawyer whom didn’t have the family mediation credentials. In October 19 I filled for divorce after I realised mediation was a dead end. The anger amplified. Allegations to our doctor of denying eldest of medication (steroids) began to come in. Shouting, screaming, intimidation, moving around my possessions in the house was a daily occurrence. Also telling school, nursery staff, metal friends I was being abusive all in the while It was her. This has resulted in many people not being speaking to me anymore.
After lockdown happened I envisioned more trouble ahead because were in the same house. The first 7 weeks of lockdown saw me looking after two children more than 90% of the time as I was not working. Had no problem of course and was attempting home schooling and just keeping the kids sane. I was not earning during this time but of course I was still expected to provide half dating this period.
About 6 weeks ago whilst putting kids to bed one night the police knocked on the door. Straight away I knew she was up to no good. Apparently I had been intimidating her and I had to leave. I told then the facts are I have done nothing. I filed for divorce and have tried to be amicable throughout this and I have a long paper trial to prove it. Further I had no employment and no where to go. They left it at that. A week later she called the doctor again to report I was not not maintaining her skin treatment all the while this is what she was doing. All of this untrue of course. I simply walk away from conflict and leave the house if she tries to escalate.
Just two weeks ago I filed my form A which is for financial remedy. I have been advised to this before child arrangements. I will be self representing. As far back at 2018 I have suggested lets split 50/50 shared care and I move out and you buy me out as she has a second place and very wealthy parents. She has offered a minimal amount for me to leave and not get 50/50 shared care. Thats why I am still here I guess and further I have realised she does not have the capacity to look after them. She works 6 days a week and when she’s with them it just doing the practical things like feeding or bathing, not even reading or trips to the parks. We are still living together. It’s important to know I am really the primary child carer. On paper we split the time 50/50 but she usuals babysitter to for about 4 hours a day on her days of the week whilst I just muck in and do it myself on my days. I had taken the kids abroad on my own on 3 holidays. She has never done that. I attended all their doctors appointments often on my own, administer her medication, do all the homework activities with my daughter, and most of the weekend excursions.
My question I suppose is what can I expect of the first hearing and how to best prepare? Have I made any crucial errors? What should I be doing now despite making all arrangements online with her, keeping a daily diary of who does what, and trying to stay sane. I returned back to work recently after 14 weeks of no work which is a relief.
but I would advise you to think about applying for a c100 child arrangement order. in the event you move out, she may cause problems by denying you access to kids. it's a long process and usually 2 month wait before you get a hearing date.