TOPIC: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son, - SS Hell

How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son, - SS Hell 7 years 1 month ago #19121

Hi Please give me some help with my problem. . .
My son is on a protection plan after dv case was kicked out by court (as it never happened it was lies as my ex has a.d.d) but it was believed by social services i will not comply with social services assessment or attend domestic violence course (however my ex is doing both) i have had enough of my attention seeking ex and her emotional games and want nothing to do with her or my son i know this is serious but i feel ive done my best and its gone on for almost a year and i can live with this decision for life. thats how bad its got, ss say they will not close the case until i comply with assessment and complete dv course. i will never do that so ss and i are at stand off, Ive had enough and feel i will get violent if im not left alone! bit of an irony really lol we all have our limits and im being pushed and pushed, i want my pr removed so i can get on with my life and feel ti ends this game and thats best for my son how do i do this??

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Last Edit: by leelondon.

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19123

This is the letter i sent to ss about a week and i have not had a reply.

Re: Case conference/Protection Plan for xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear xxxxxxx

I am asking you in writing for a full copy of the full protection plan that was decided for my son on xxxxxxxxxxxx This is also a request for a full copy of the minutes from the conference.

As you have told me I cannot see my son other than through social care I feel this situation will not get resolved as I will not engage with you, I am not a danger to my son and I have nothing to answer to with you. I have had my son many times unsupervised this year and I have always returned him well and on time. If you have decided I cannot see my son again then so be it because I will not drag my son through the never ending family court system for contact.

I have heard a rumour saying “lee has got to see his kid in a contact centre with sex offenders lol” This is very offensive to me and I suspect it has been said to draw me into a new conflict that will result in xxxxxxxx getting more attention however I will not be drawn into more arguments with xxxxxxx over this or anything else in the future. I have had enough of xxxxxxxxx attention seeking and emotional games and I will not respond to it as this will only harm xxxxxxxxx.

I have had enough of this whole situation now and I would be happy to meet with you to discuss the possibility of the removal of my parental responsibility however this is all I’m willing to discuss with you and I would only attend if the meeting is recorded and a senior social worker was present.

Yours Sincerely.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Last Edit: by leelondon. Reason: spelling

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19129

So sorry to hear this has been so tough on you. No matter how hard it has been I would urge you to reconsider breaking ties with your son. If you & your ex cannot go through the courts & ss to agree on access you could think of doing things that could keep some kind of contact up. It might be good to have a break from it for a while & rethink things in a few weeks.

If your ex ever texts you or emails you with messages that prove any innocence on your part I would strongly suggest keeping these for proof.

Things you could do in the mean time while you cannot see your son:
-Write him birthday cards to let him know you're thinking of him, if you think she may not pass them on hang on to a copy yourself to show him when he's older
-Create an email address for him & write emails to him to give him when he's older

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19139

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Hi there,

This is such a tragic situation and I have to agree with Springchicken and Basszebra you need to take some time out... Its not that we dont think you know your own mind, but you've been under a huge amount of stress and you're emotions have been stretched to breaking point, which makes this absolutely the wrong time to be making life changing decisions....Because turning your back on your child for good is life changing...

I have had a a look at the question of removing PR and to be honest its not something that is ever done, except in adoption cases. Most fathers that dont want to play any part in their childs life, usually just walk away. I suppose you could talk to a solicitor, or the Citizens Advice Bureau as they do have a legal department.

However I urge you to reconsider, at least until you've had a chance to recharge your batteries and let your anger subside. You say this is best for your son and I have to disagree with you there. I have two grown up children who grew up without their father and so I speak from experience...I know they would disagree with that statement too.

This woman, your ex, has a lot to answer for... and if the Social Services got it right as often as they get it wrong, they would be an excellent service!! Please dont let their failings, or your scheming, manipulative ex succeed in pushing you away. Your little boy needs you to fight for him, and if that is what you decide to do, we will advise and support you all the way. No one is saying it will be easy, and you will reach many "almost at breaking point moments", but it will be so worth it in the end.

Whatever you decide, we do not judge, and we will be here to support you in whichever direction you decide to go.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19141

Thanks, ye this whole episode has made me ill and pushed to the point of despair!

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19145

tell me about it, Ive never been in hospital until last month when i was with an abscess the size of an orange on my leg the doctor told me it was due to severe stress and wanted to put me on anti depressants, i will never go down that road, im 40 and this is my only child, its broken me believe me i haven't given in without a fight, but the game is over and i want it to stop now.

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Last Edit: by leelondon.

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19201

Hi Lee,

I've read through this post and I can fully understand where you are coming from, I'm currently involved in the court process to gain contact with my son and I regularly get moments of blind panic where I question whether or not what I am doing is the right thing. It scares me so very much to think that I've had to resort to this, but deep down I really do know that if I don't I will regret it.

The other comments on here are very valid, it's well worth taking some time out to mentally 'regroup' and consider your position, this process is a long one and nobody would mind if you were to wait a while, to ensure you are settled and comfortable with your decision.

One point I would like to make is this, whilst giving up your PR rights may seem like a means of walking away from the process, the system is such that contact and maintenance are not legally connected, and so whilst giving up PR may be seen as the answer, it would not stop your ex hounding you through the CSA, and you would be legally bound to oblige. Consequently, you could end up finding yourself in the position of having no right of decision over your son's welfare and future, whilst having to continue to fund your ex through maintenance payments.

I've considered walking away a couple of times during my journey, and have concluded that in reality it's not actually possible, unless of course the mother is happy to let you do so. I think a lot of the guys on here, are here because they are in that sort of predicament, and would rather fight as best they can for what is right for their children, than whatever the alternative may be.

It's only my opinion for what it is worth, but I would urge you to at least take the time to make sure you have covered all your angles, and have reached a fully informed decision. What that decision is, is personal to you and no one has the right to judge you on it.

All the best Lee.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19225

I wish all the best and luckily your only 25 and i think you will do well, however im 40 and when you get my age you just want to enjoy the life youve got left in peace lol. good luck and think positive!

basszebra wrote: i do understand where your coming from, its just really sad. when your son becomes a man im sure he'll discover the truth about what she made his father go through, and he'll never forgive her for that. shes got him now but she'll lose him later!!
i haven't seen my son since he was 1 and half months old hes 8 months now, im 25 and the way i see it is nothing else matters to me, i dont care where i have to move to, to be near him and at the moment that looks like scotland! but il get a job in mc donald and live in my van until i can afford a place and get a better job. because if i give up then that f***king c*** has won and she'll be happy while i live my life full of regrets and misery and theres no way in hell im letting that happen i owe it to my boy to never stop fighting to be his daddy again no matter what the b*tch or the courts throw at me, dont get me wrong im not preaching what you should and shouldn't do, you know whats best and you could end up giving yourself a heart attack or something, i know how stressfull dealing with this sh*t is. maybe a little holiday to amsterdam would do you good, i was sooo relaxed when i went there and the women, oh my god, iv only seen women like that on the internet!
taking a break from the s*it storm would hopefully make you feel alot better about everthing, and after if you feel like taking up the fight again, good show no mercy. if not so be it you tried your very best and your only human we can only take so much.
but me im running on pure rage! i was very depressed and then i found this site and some wise words from nannyjane picked me back up, and now i just want battle to commence.
and we're all here for you to give you support and advice whenever you need it, stay with us and stay strong we'll help you through whatever you decide to do.
and remember amsterdam i HIGHLY recommend it. manparidise!

The following user(s) said Thank You: basszebra

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19226

Ive been looking this matter up and i dont think i will able to get it removed unless i go for mental health grounds on my self. i think i will draw her into what she thinks will be a contact order family hearing and then ask the judge for a no contact order lol and just let her stalk away with facebook msg etc i keep all the evidence and then just keep getting injunctions.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19235

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Hi Leelondon
at least you are getting your sence of humour back.
My brother is older then you and became a Dad at 50 then he split and she did the , you cant see the kids, he had waited years to become a Dad and ended up with 3 in a few years. He lost his home and job and kids, he was so unhappy and threatened to kill himself. He gave up the fight and didnt see his kids for 18 months . He sorted himself out then he took her to court and the Judge asked why have you waited this long. He was given contact a few hours a week but had to be supervised with a caff cass officer as the mother was still saying my brother was a danger and she was worried, he went along with all of it but then the mother got fed up because she had to drop the kids of and hang around town to pick them up. She then said he can pick them up. He is now with a lovely lady and has his kids every two weeks, hes now 58. Take a break Lee but dont give up, its what she wants, your child cant fight to see you, but you can fight for him.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19237

Hi Lee

It sounds hellish what you have been going through. However that said, you are highly unlikely to be able to get your PR removed, unless some other bloke adopts your son.

Even with or without PR you will still be liable for maintenance via the CSA, and cannot be forced to have contact with the child against your wishes, so there is no actual difference in having or not having PR since you are choosing to opt out of your sons life.

I think the only thing you need to consider is if the annoyance of "Playing" along with SS is worth the reward of a relationship with your son. Your ex is being difficult because she wants you not to have one, jump through the systems hoops and then shes got nothing left to beat you with.

Tony

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19251

Thanks, its not really her causing the drama and i understand her ways as she has the a.d.d. it ss giving me hell. im not going to comply with them ever, and the thing is they know what a drama she causes between us so they have told her she must give them the power to arrange and be in charge of my contact or they will take him off her, i know they cant do that but shes believes them or she loves the attention of going along with them. i suppose i could just disappear for a year or two and the baby is only 9 months now so ive time and his age in my favor, do you think ss will still be around then? she will always let me see him its just the attention she can get from doing it even now she doesn't realize what a dangerous game she has played with ss and i see the excitement in her face when she says "just go contact center" she would keep that going on for years as it all about the attention from going there from friends family me and the staff etc,

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Last Edit: by leelondon.
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