TOPIC: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son, - SS Hell

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19252

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...I think thats a totally good idea...I dont think they'll be on the case once you have "disappeared".

As I said before I think you need some time out, the length of time is up to you and how you feel. If 9 months is what it takes, then thats what it takes and you're right, your child is still young enough not to be affected by it.

If you were to apply for a Contact Order through the court, then the SS wouldn't be able to continue with these threats to your ex as its not acceptable without strong evidence to back it up. It might be a good way to call their bluff... Think about it!! Theres tons of advice on here about applying for Contact, have a look at the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section. A guide to Representing yourself in Court and Contact Order C100 Guide both with lots of really useful information.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19254

im never gonna go through court like i say she wont stop contact. its just bull**** that im gonna miss all there early years and the walking, talking etc but like you say if there is no reports or police incidents for the next 1-2 years what can they do?

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19256

Itll depend on your ex as to what happens with SS really.

If right now you refuse to engage with SS, then there will be a note on the file, that you refused to engage with the DV programme, and that you are no longer having contact so there is no longer a risk. They might continue working with your ex for a while, but eventually if she is a good mum in all other respects and the "problem" was you, then the case will be closed.

Job done.

So then say in 2 years time you pop back along and ask your ex for contact. If you ex says yes and you come to a mutually agreeable contact then thats fine and everyone is happy - UNLESS - Social services get wind of it because someone reports you, then you will be back to the risk assessments, and its possible that SS will remove the child if they feel you are enough of a danger and mum isnt putting appropriate safe guarding measures in place.

Or in 2 years time you could come along for contact, and ex says get lost, you end up having to take her to court for access (or walk away again) and then the SS involvement will be flagged up when the court application goes in, and then sometimes SS are asked for reports rather than CAFCASS due to their prior involvment. Regardless of whether CAFCASS or SS are involved it will go against you that you have not engaged with the services now, and will allow your ex if she so wishes to drag it out for a while causing all sorts of drama. Your son will be older and more affected by it all.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19258

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....So is it the SSs way or the highway then tonyl? Wouldnt the court process allow leelondon a platform to air his grievances, and if the court threw out the DV case, wouldn't that go in Leelondons favour, as in innocent until proven guilty! Surely the SS cant make decisions and put children on protection plans unless based on fact and evidence.

My son had SS and CAFCASS involved in his court case, the SS because of prior involvement with my grandson and CAFCASS as per court procedure.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19261

I didnt say it was SS way or the highway. I said depending on how his ex acts, then his choice not to co-operate now could be used against him.

SS usually remove children as a last resort, so their intention would be (as they are already doing) to work with the family. They must already have something, as SS dont have the resources to just interfere in families for no reason, they are stretched both time wise and finances wise, so I assume they have already done an assessment and decided there is a risk in this family. If the family refuses to work with them they arent just going to go oh well no danger, off we go. They then decide whether to escalate from supporting the children to remain in the family to removing the children. They might they might not, I have no idea what decisions SS will take or what info they have on their files or what danger they think Lee is.

If he wont engage with SS, is he going to engage with CAFCASS? If hes disappeared for 9 months and then comes back they are likely to do supported contact at a contact centre - will he do that? They are going to want to progress it slowly - its going to require his commitment to engage.

Lee is hoping that if he walks away for a while SS will drop all concerns and then his ex will allow him to have contact. He knows her best, she might well do that, but if she loves the drama, whats to say that when he contacts her she wont put it all up again for the additional drama?

I think he would be best going to court now, calling SS bluff, doing the contact centre for a while, engaging with the DV programme and getting contact for his son.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19262

However, that isnt somthing Lee feels he can so, thats fine thats Lees decision, but I think just blindly assuming he can wander off for a period of months, years and then just re-appear and there be no raising of these issues now is a bit of a simplistic view.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19274

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I wasn't being funny with you Tonyl and if I came across in that way then I apologise.

I was just trying to encourage Lee to take a break and recharge, and meant that the SS wont pursue him if he walks away for a while.

The point I was trying to make after that was to go back to court and put the SS to the test there...I think I used the term "call their bluff" which you picked up on. I dont think I said that he could walk back in with none of the issues being raised again...

I know Lee has had enough at the moment, but I am hoping that he may feel differently after a break from it all, but as you point out that is for him to decide...and we will support him in whatever he decides to do.

Lee if I havent expressed myself correctly, or I have given you the wrong information, then I apologise. I think this is a highly emotive subject....bottom line I just want to help! :)

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19408

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well said Basszebra
The following user(s) said Thank You: basszebra

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19773

Thanks for your input everyone but it is really the ss way or the high way, (as one of you said) ss want me to go to court for access as they know that will start a cafcass report which in turn will get them involved as they will check with ss, they know they have got no grounds to take me to court but they sure will **** me up through and with cafcass at a family court, so i gotta walk or comply with supervised contact center and 6 month dv coarse and what ever else they ask for, i will never do that so walk it is! i might try again in a few years and see what happens or will prob walk for good, the good thing right now is im coping better about not seeing my gorgeous son and time will heal more i hope, Ive given all my pics and file of letters to friend to look after, i will keep the post updated to let you know any updates. ps. the ex is no better and still ill.
thanks all

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 1 month ago #19941

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straight from the heart - I agree entirely. Giving up is the worst thing you can ever do to a child or yourself.

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 4 weeks ago #20841

After having a short break from this and talking to people/reading your posts and legal advice i decided to meet the new social worker last Tuesday after he wrote asking to me and stating: CONTACT SUPERVISED UNTIL RISK ASSESSMENT. So i went on Tuesday and as far as i was concerned i was attending for a risk assessment, i spent an hour and a half there took a friend and recorded the meeting i spoke to him a few times on Wednesday and Thursday but he would not confirm or deny that our meeting was a risk assessment i then phoned my ex Friday and said as far as im concerned ive been assessed and i would like my son this sunday (today) she said ok then the social worker then phoned me and said dont pick him up till ive home visited you ex got call as well and said i use to live there and she has no concerns about the property he the said to her will your dad take the baby to see him (me) once every sunday for 2 hours and stay there he and she and her dad aid no we are happy with unsupervised contact, so ive had him 6 hours today and took him out, but i got a bad feeling about letting ss round tomo! they are trying to make me do the dv course but if i do im admitting to violence i didnt do and could then face contact centre for years or ever.

ex is going along with me now as in her eyes ive been assessed but are we in trouble here when ss call her they say supervised only, but when they call me they say dont see him till weve drawn up new contract,

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Re: How do i remove my PR from my 9mth son 7 years 4 weeks ago #20848

If i do dv course i have to admit something i am not, and you can never have unsupervised while labeled as dv or doing a course, plus when you start course your assessed as your a risk or you wouldn't be here, good thing is ex has had enough now and realizes our son need his dad for many reasons but ss really hate me now as ive stood up to them i feel they really are out to finish me. shall i cancel hove visit and call their bluff as ive been doing, bearing in mind ive had a 1 1/2 hour meeting and nothing was said about a home visit then he calls my mobile non stop since i meet him last tuesday, maybe get them to state in writing about the home visit? or am i being paranoid?

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