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TOPIC: Denied access despite court order

Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25489

  • laker75
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Hi everyone,
Ill give you a brief rundown of my position then ask a couple of questions, this site has been absolutely invaluable in the past.

I got a court order last year, around six monthsago, all was going well (apart from my relationship with my partner broke down due to the strains of going through court). Then around a month ago my ex denied me access to my daughter saying that it had been snowing, I did a trial run on the roads, and guess what, no snow on the roads! I text my ex saying the roads were clear and that I would be there the normal time, anyway I got there and no anwer at the door so I called her phone no answer. Sothen i text her saying that if she didnt cooperate I would call the police which I did but cancelled it as my ex put my daughter on the phone crying her eyes out. I tried to reason with my ex but that got me nowhere and we argued in front of my daughter, I eventually through sheer frustration ended up punching a wall and breaking my hand in the process, my emotions were so raw they just overboiled, Im not a violent man and its not somwthing Im proud of.
I have since asked for my extra day at half term (as stated in the court order) which my ex has also denied me without giving any reason for this time, so Irang my solicitors for advice and they said they could send a letter at the cost of £290!!

Now having spent all my savings getting the court order I cant spend that money on a letter which I could maybe write myself?
Does anyone have an example letter maybe, or know what points I should include?
Also how many times should I let this go on before I think about calling the police or taking it back to court?
Id rather not have to call the police I should have just walked away I know but emotions are high and sometimes its hard to think completely rational.

Also Im going to talk to my daughter about the events of that night this weekend (she is 10) I think im going to show her the court order andexplain to her what it is and how much it means to me because that is the only way Im guarnteed to see her and the importance of sticking to it. Any thoughts?

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25491

  • actd
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Firstly, above all, don't do anything violent at your ex's premises - if you want to punch a wall or suchlike, go somewhere else and do it, otherwise she'll have the police round and you'll have a much harder time if it goes to court.

I'll ask the CCLC if they can pop on and advise on the letter or any other actions.

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25512

  • ak57
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ouch for breaking your hand and ouch for £290, theres a site called seperated dads and they have templates of letters you can use. I tried to copy one for you but its all distorted at the moment. I would point out the agreement for the extra day is a court order and you can go back to court to enforce it
And dont go round thumping walls !!!!

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25523

Dear Laker 75

Thank you for your post.

From the information you have provided it appears that there is a Contact Order in place. Therefore, your ex partner may be found in breach of that Order by not allowing you contact with that daughter.

In terms of writing a letter to your ex partner it is difficult for us to advise on this issue. If you do decide to write a letter to your ex partner we would advise that you reiterate the terms of the Contact Order, set out the date that you would like contact and set out a response to this letter. You may also wish to put a paragraph in the letter that states that failure to respond to the letter or failure to address points raised in your letter may result in Court action which you would be keen to avoid.

As there is a Contact Order in place, if contact has been restricted as mentioned above your ex partner may be found in breach of the Court Order. As such you can bring the matter back into Court for enforcement of the Order. To do this you would need to complete a form entitled C79 which can be obtained from www.justice.gov.uk or from your local Family Proceedings Court. There is a fee for this application of roughly £200 however if you are eligable for a fee exemption you can complete a Fee Exemption form entitled EX160a. Once you have completed the forms you would need to hand them in to your local Family Proceedings Court and await a hearing date.

If you do require further legal advice and you are not instructing a solicitor please feel free to contact our freephone advice line on 0808 8020 008 open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday. Alternatively you can contact us via our webchat facility www.childrenslegalcentre.com which is open Monday to Friday 9-6pm.

Yours sincerely,


Coram Children’s Legal Centre

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25535

Please, please, please, please DO NOT SHOW YOUR DAUGHTER ANY PAPERWORK!!!!!!!!!!!! This is is just the type of ammunition for your ex. Showing/discussing issues with a child will be deemed not in the best interest of the child and your ex could throw in a claim for "emotional abuse" and well as domestic!!! I say this through experience. My partners ex wife showed their daughter Child Protection paperwork (at the meeting his feelings ran away with themselves and he told the SW that his daughter would be better off in care, as then she was protected from her mother, the comment was abused by Social Services and used against my partner and I, by SS and by the court!)

The court takes a really really really dim view on parents "sharing" stuff with the kids.The judge went mental at the mother for sharing such info (as a result their (9y/o) daughter thinks her dad does not love her and wants her in care. It's ok for mother to say sorry, but the damage is already done!

If things got worse (which we all hope they wouldn't )- you can hold your head high, knowing full well, that you have not involved your daughter. BUT believe you me, if SS ever get involved and start to do wishes and feelings, the child will recount what "other" people have shared with her, and it will then transpire who's been "sharing" what info!!!..... Which ultimately could help you out. It's really hard to keep quiet. My advice re: police etc. This has also happened to us. Mother kept calling Police - in the end they would not attend as they said they were be used as a weapon!! It's long and hard process, but if she fails contact again, make an application to the court for enforcement action.

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25543

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Hi again,
Thanks for all your responses, I have now drafted a letter to my ex stating the dates she was in breach of the order and that if it happens again I will be forced to apply to the courts, all very professional.

I wont show my daughter the paperwork in that case tiredoffighting thanks for the input I wasnt sure if it was the right thing but you have helped me decide, I will talk to her, I owe her that because she was obviously upset on the night and Im just going to explain why I called the police (because she knows Idid) in the best way I can. really looking forward to my days with my daughter.

You have all been a great help this forum really helps, does anyone know of any local groups where dads in similair positions meet up in person to talk and help each other? Im in the Luton area and if there isnt one already Im thinking of setting something up, anyone know or had any experience of this idea?

Thanks to everyone, again.

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25556

If you have a surestart centre near you, ours used to run a dad's coffee and bacon butty morning on a Saturday for about 50p!! Dad's only (Grandad's etc!) I was thinking of doing something like that here. I was going to speak to our SW and ask her, but suggest a Dad/child bonding day, where the "absent" parent is allowed to spent time with their child in the interest of building and keeping bonds.

I would also like it to in addition to "normal contact" rather than being part of! I would volunteer my partner and his daughter as their relationship has been destroyed by her mum. Like I said before - Mum always apologises for showing/disclosing info, but the damage is done, nobody can change that emotional damage. That's why we don't disclose ANYTHING about court/child protection plan etc. How would she know you calls the cops? Just be very vary!

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25933

So does anyone know what aplens if access is still prevented after an enforcement order? Still none the wiser?

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Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #25950

I'm just about at this stage too, i'm expecting any time now the enforcement order with the penalties of what will happen should she breach the order further.
however as i understand it i would need to apply to court again to get the courts to enforce the enforcement order and have to prove she has broken it yet again!!!
WTF!! why?? when she is breaking COURT ORDERS!!!

you know full well if it were you failing to pay a speeding fine you would end up in prison after continually refusing to abide by the court orders!!!!
so why isn't family law the same??? IMHO its because a speeding ticket fine is going in the pocket of the government!!!
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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!

Re: Denied access despite court order 6 years 2 months ago #26196

  • dad5
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In my opinion, Court Orders are very poorly written.

I have one and there's nothing to say what the responsibilities are.

My ex does nothing to help me see my kid. I have to go round, text the kid and hope that she comes out. So my ex has left me to try to get the kid out of the home and then I have to return her on time (which I always do). Now her mother claims that I fall into a lower band with the CSA even though my court order clearly shows how many nights per week I should have my daughter.

I keep my end of the bargain but she doesn't keep hers nor has she ever attempted to. I don't like discussing the issue with my daughter even though she is a young adult now. Why should my daughter get dragged into this as the parents should do it properly.

Now I am faced with risking going to court.

Why should I have to go to court when I have done nothing wrong.

there should be a mechanism that if one person ignores a court order then there's a short hearing to decide what to do and what needs to be done.

The CSA are a joke as well. if their mother ignores the court order and then claims that I am not taking the kid then the CSA believe her and then just tell me that I would need to go to court. Why? They would be chasing me if I did something wrong but the mother gets away with it.

A court order should stipulate what reasonable is and what happens if one side doesn't adhere to the order.

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