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TOPIC: My realationship with my son

My realationship with my son 7 years 7 months ago #26101

Please please pease can somone out there give me some advice i am at the point of dispair and dont no what to do.

I have a four year old son called ollie who means the world to me, me and his mother have been split up for what will be two years in august, i am in the RAF and i am currently serving in afganistan, i am sooooo concerned about my realationship with my boy , he never wants to talk to me and he says he never wants to see me again when i get home, its like he can not stand the sight of me, his mum hates my guts and not sure what if anything she has been saying about me, i currently live about 60 miles from him and when i am in the UK i have him every other weekend and at holidays but his mum always makes it really hard for us to see each other, all i want out of life is to be a good dad to my boy and see him grow up happy and well rounded and to no i love him, cant anyone out there advise me of what i can do for the best, does my son really hate me , please can anyone help

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Re: Need some advice please anyone 7 years 7 months ago #26111

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Hi Macca and welcome :)

At 4 years old your little boy doesnt understand the impact of what he is doing and saying to you...and I'm sure he loves you, you are his Daddy. When you say he wont speak to you, do you mean over the phone? My 5 year old grandson pointblank refuses to talk over the telephone and I know this is common.... and sometimes when he doesnt get his own way he tells his Daddy he hates him!

I'm pretty sure this has a lot to do with the mother, as saying things like he never wants to see you again sounds as if he is being coached. It wouldnt be the first time that a mother has used a child as a weapon to inflict pain on an ex partner and because you are away for chunks of time, it makes it even easier for her to influence him.

I'm going to give you a link to the Mediation service, it might be a good idea to give it a go. I'm sure you could arrange an appointment for when you get back and hopefully get your ex to attend so that you can talk it through, and with the help and guidance of a trained Mediator come to some agreement.

Try not to get too upset about this, I know thats easier said than done when you are such a long way away, and the stresses that you are under daily probably dont help either, but your little boy doesnt mean to hurt you I'm sure of that. Just stick at it and dont give up hope. He's getting older all the time, he will be starting school soon and telling all his little friends about his Daddy who is a pilot... I'm sure one day he will be very proud of his Daddy! :)

Heres the link to Mediation www.nfm.org.uk
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
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Re: My realationship with my son 7 years 7 months ago #26112

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...He most certainly doesn't hate you Macca. Dont give up hope and just remember he doesnt understand, hes too young.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: My realationship with my son 7 years 7 months ago #26129

He doesn't hate you. He may be upset at you being away and at that age won't understand why, so is lashing out to show his feelings.
To him, at this age, it may seem like you are choosing to go away, and that because you are doing this, you don't care about him enough to stay. Once he is slightly older, he will understand you are doing a very important job (a job which most little boys will look up to!!) and won't feel as angry.

It's always worth trying to improve the relationship with your ex as it will ultimately make things easier, though it's not always possible. Just little things like asking "how are you and ollie" and keeping conversation calm, and avoiding arguments where possible will help. Things will improve, at 4 it won't be long before he is old enough to understand.
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