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TOPIC: Poisoning my Sons Mind..........

Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 3 months ago #33123

  • Bri101
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Good Morning to you all,

Two weeks ago it was time for my to get my son ready to go back to his mother. He became very distressed and was calling out for me not to leave him.

I finally got him into the car and then delivered him to his mothers house and he refused to get out of the car so I had to grab him and hand over to his mother. ALL VERY DISTRESSING!!! He has never done this before no matter how long the separation has been. He is nearly 3yrs old.

Yesterday, (Saturday) I went to collect him and he was telling me that he did not want to go with me this week, He was not crying or anything like that, in fact he was saying the words, "I don't want to go with you Daddy" with a smile on his face. It could almost have been rehearsed!!

How do I play it from here? Do I tell CRAPCASS that I fear for the state of Mothers mind (which I really do), or just keep persevering with trying to collect him. The next time I collect him will be the weekend of his Birthday. NO PRESURE.

Any suggestions?

Kindest Regards,


Brian

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 3 months ago #33125

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Sorry to hear about this, I wouldn't involve CAFCASS. They don't listen to the father, when I use to have my little boy, one time at drop off he ran down the street as he didn't want to go home, I collected him and took him back, explained this and many other things and all CAFCASS listened to was my wife. At court ended up with supervised contact 2 hours every 2 weeks. I would suggest when you do talk to them, don't bad mouth your wife (I know it's hard not to do) and focus on how much you care for your son and how you want to be a major part in his life.
As to your son not wanting to go with you, I'm sure you wife is saying things, mine does, but you have to put all that at the back of your mind and focus on enjoying the time with your son. He will make his own decisions as he gets older, just make sure you see him every time you can and never let him down.
For his birthday weekend, arrive with cuddly toy of his favourite character.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Bri101

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 3 months ago #33137

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Did you eventually get your contact visit with your son yesterday Bri?

Make sure you start recording what is happening here and as PS has said, persevere. It's important that the mother understands her role in encouraging contact between you and your son, and it is in your sons best interests for hand over times to go smoothly. It might be a good idea to write her a letter and ask for her cooperation in this, and remind her that the contact is court ordered and she needs to comply for the sake off all concerned. If the difficulties continue suggest that hand over is away from her home in a public place as this might make the transition easier.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 3 months ago #33138

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Thank you,

When I arrived I new that there was an issue as she text me before I left warning me of my sons reluctance to be with me. But I was determined to do my best for our son. So on arrival I was greeted with my son and his mother walking towards the car. When I got out of the car he immediately said to me, "that he did not want to go with me today," but with a smile on his face, looking at his mother, as if he was trying to please her!!!

I asked if I could have 5 mins. alone with him to which she agreed, I did not talk to him about coming with me, but just some stuff about how I missed him and how his week was. As time progressed he wandered back into his house and then returned. I started to ask if he wanted to come with me to which he said no. Not wanting to put him under pressure unnecessarily I just said my goodbyes and left.

Hopefully, the next visit will be better.

Appreciate your help.

Brian

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Last Edit: by Bri101. Reason: Spelling Correction

Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 3 months ago #33140

Brian,

That is so sad :( It boggles the mind how Mothers are such vindictive people. I believe some of them don't deserve to be a mother, they have to earn the right to be one. You seem like a determined father and you should stick with it.

Time with your kids are precious, believe me i know that. You are doing the right thing by not forcing anything. I understand your child says no, he doesn't want to go but do still take him, unless he kicks and scream, still spend the limited time you have with him.

Good Luck

Jason

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 3 months ago #33157

This is what I’ve had every week since end of April to end of June (When she’s turned up with my son!)
He says he isn’t coming with me today….doesn’t know why and looks at his mother when he’s said it as if to see if he’s said it right!

Its her influencing the mind of the child…….its called Parental Alienation….

With me my ex uses totally negative words when at the handover point…..usually “tell daddy why you DON’T want to go” not positive encouragement such as “you always have fun and daddy is good at looking after you and fun to be with” or “this is what you and daddy do at weekends” etc…

I’ve tried to get through to my ex….professionals at court…Cafcass…contact centres etc… have all tried but she refuses to listen and says she will bring “HER CHILD” up to make his own choices….

at 5yrs old a child should not be put in that position…..”its emotional abuse” - they are not my words they are the words of an expert in child psychology! Karen Woodall.

I am now forced in to the only action left available to me…asking the courts to act on the enforced order and impose the penalties they attached.

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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!

Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 2 months ago #33828

woman are crazy, and honestly believe its there child not yours as well. FACT.

My advice is what ever you want do the opposite.

Example. Tell her you do not want to be involved, and she will role out the red carpet.

Try it, works every-time !

Keep me posted

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 2 months ago #33977

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Be careful of doing this - eg, tell her you don't want to be involved and she may not roll out the red carpet after all, but will present it as evidence to the court :(

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 2 months ago #34013

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Hi Bri

Have you had you're next visit? I do hope it went well....

I think you are showing great dignity and patience and I'm sure you will get there in the end. Just keep trying and record everything....it may be that you will have to return to court at some point and keeping a record will help with your case.

Good luck

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 2 months ago #34048

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I think Shaun was having a bit of "tongue and cheek" with us all.

But thank you all the same for your support.

Highest Regards,

Brian

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 2 months ago #34050

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I already have another date for Court, mid September, for formal directions regarding weekends and holidays. But I am sure that she will insist that we go back to a Contact Centre and start all over despite the fact that contact was going really well.

More as it happens,

Brian

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Re: Poisoning my Sons Mind.......... 7 years 2 months ago #34120

Hi Bri,

Sorry to hear about your issues.
I had similar issues with my ex....i have the kids living with me but when she had them (for the odd hour she wanted them :( )
She was telling the kids that everything was my fault and i was leaving her penniless and broke and stopping her seeing them because she had no money etc etc.....it broke my heart but i persevered and went for a residency order.
I also had to tell the kids that, far from being broke, she had been given tens of thousands of pounds by me, after splitting, and the fact that she had chosen to give that to her new partner (from turkey) was not my fault.
I was really concerned what the court would think but the court agreed with me and granted the order.
What i did have to do was confront my ex about the way she was poisoning the kids with rubbish and once i had done it stopped.
I'm not saying your ex might do the same but it wrecked my kids heads for a bit - they are 8,10 and 14 and it still affected them so a younger child might be affected more....you know your child though and how they would act.

It was hard but i had to ask the kids about what she had told them and answer each lie with the truth and point out each and everything that was false....the kids might not like hearing that one of their parents is doing the bad things but if you tell them the truth without getting mad or annoyed then they do take it in and will ask questions but even the youngest will understand.

If its not that easy for you to ask those questions you may have to just keep showing your love.....i would not suggest leaving the child quicker than you would tho....that is just what the ex is after....so take your time and try to have fun with yr child for all the time you get....the child might just open up unexpectedly and ask you why mummy says this or that??

Good luck

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