After the best part of helping my ex gain residency of daughter through the courts, the Social Worker involved with his daughter told him if he stops the contact again, that his daughter will go into care and mybe him to jail for breaching a court order.
Because of this he has turned on me and told the social worker that this has all been MY fault and how I have been emotionally abusing HIM for the last 3 yrs. SW started asking questions about our son, SW noted that ex had told her that he was not on the birth certificate and that I was stopping contact/not letting unsupervised contact take place.
I refute any allegations of Domestic abuse (he was the one who listened in on my calls to my friends, hid my car keys and stole his daughters dinner money for betting played me off against my family and friends.
His daughter is subject to a child protection plan through the local authority and I dont want my son to end up the same way. I was bombarded with questions from the SW asking why ex didn't have unsupervised contact.
I became upset and left the meeting as I felt so betrayed.
But my reasons are:
1 He has severe mental health issues for which he has been taking medication for, for the last 20yrs with no change to him. He will not commit to mental health intervention of any kind.
2. He picks and chooses when he sees our son, we can go 2 weeks with no texts or visits not even asking how his son is. When our son was a baby he left him in the car and forgot to get him out of the car!!!!! He didn't strap him in right either, forgot to put his cotside up on numerous occasions (hence why no unsupervised contact). He spends any contact time on his mobile checking footy and betting results.
He pays a fiver a week through CSA as he said he would pay then welched on that. Spends no money on his son, agrees to go halves on shoes for him then when in the shop he refuses saying he won't pay for Clarkes as too expensive and son will grow out to quickly! (then my mum pays!) He has paid for nothing for my son he even begrudges paying for half price nappies!!!!
MY SON IS NOT SAFE WITH HIM ALONE.
His daughter complains to SW that she has to care for herself as he is too busy betting or sleeping. She had 4 fish fingers for dinner the other night. Ex constantly tells me he wants to kill himself. Ex tries to kiss son when he leaves, son is not interested, won't kiss him back or hug him/show affection. I tell ex this is because of his lack of bond with his son (which has been since birth)
Ex told me the day we registered son's birth that he agreed to NOT have his name on the birth cert until he could prove he was a decent father to his child. The reason I suggested this (and that my son has my name) was to stop my son ending up in a mess like his daughter is!!!!!!!
Am I being selfish/mental/a psyco for not allowing unsupervised contact?.......
I WILL NOT SUBJECT MY SON TO HARM TO PLEASE ANYONE.
Hi ToF - I would like to say that I'm pleased to see you back on here, but I would have preferred that it wasn't under such circumstances as I remember what you went through before, and this is just beyond belief.
From what you have said, I would say that you are perfectly reasonable in wanting supervised contact - your concerns are for the welfare of your son, which is the best motive of all, and it's not that you are trying to stop contact.
As before, we're here to give you as much support as we can.
Ex was back in court today re: his daughter. His ex has given up 2 hours of her 7 hours contact to give them to his parents!!! Judge has said if ex stops contact again that their daughter will end up in care or LIVING with his EX!!!!!!!!!
The court has said they will look to increase mothers contact with child (from once a month to fortnightly) and she told the court she could not afford it!!! Giving away her tme with daughter, smoking over her daughter (literally!) and now says she can't afford it.....
MADNESS!! I need a lie down!
You stop contact as it's abusive and the judge/social don't give a monkeys.
I now have no faith in social services or the courts system.
On a plus note, I am quite looking forward to the CSA's proposal for the new "Child Maintenance Service" as the weekly rate for NRP (who is on benefits) is rising!!! Whoop Whoop!.....
That's a pretty amazing comment by the judge - so he thinks that living in care is better than with the father? Not to mention that he must acknowledge that the mother is a problem because he hasn't increase contact.