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TOPIC: No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help

No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44474

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Hi All,
Been here before, unfortunately, and yet my again my evil wife has kicked off! I always appreciate the help and support I receive from all on the forum and I will try and keep this as brief as possible.

Basically, my wife has said I have to have no further contact with my 2 beautiful daughters (2 & 5) unless I sort something out through a Lawyer. She knows fine well I cannot afford to do this as after paying my bills, debt and child maintenance I have only just got enough money to get by. I'm not entitled to Legal Aid and I went to a lawyer the last time she refused me contact to try and sort a minute of agreement but needless to say my wife hardly agreed with any of it, mainly just to be awkward, and I got left with a big lawyers bill and I had to borrow and beg to pay it off, yet I was still no further forward. She came round just after that and things had been ok for a couple of months and we went back to the verbal agreement we had in place where the girls stayed overnight with me on my 2 days off work every week. But now she has started her shit again and I really cant take anymore! She's blocked me on her mobile and refuses my calls when I phone her house to try and speak to the girls and says she will change her number if I continue to phone.

So any advice on what I could do next would be gratefully appreciated. I cannot afford any more money whatsoever on legal fees, and after having a read through how to self represent, I know that is not an option either as I am hopeless in stressful situations like that and as much as I would love to try for my girls, I know I couldn't cope with the stress. So do I just have to accept the situation because I am not in a positon to do anything about it? Its only been a couple of weeks but I miss the girls terribly and I know how much they love spending time with me too.

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No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44477

Hey dude,

Really sorry to hear about your situation mate, I too am pretty much in the same situation and I was feeling exactly the same as you before I started to make steps through the courts to see my Girls, they are roughly the same age as yours.

Your only option is to self represent by the sounds of it I know you say you can't handle the stress but I can assure you that you will feel less stressed than you are now and you will feel better that you are actually doing something about seeing your girls and be part of their lives.

It is stressful don't get me wrong but you'll be able to find out advice and gain support from this site for sure.

It doesn't sound like your wife is going to come round anytime soon so you could be feeling like this for a long time yet mate surly your going to feel better if you get the ball rolling.

the law has changed so you must try attending mediation before you make an application it sounds like your ex won't bother with it so it could be a case of pay £90 go to 1 session and get your FM1 form as she didn't attend then you can apply to the courts and self represent.

It will cost you £215 and thats it to apply and you'll have to fill out a c100 form.

It sounds to me like you haven't got much option you can't carry on living by your wife's whims.

Take care mate, try and chill out your daughters arn't going anywhere and try to come up with a plan to move things forward :)
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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44478

Hello mate,

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time again. It's pathetic the way mother is behaving - but it seems par for the course in all posts on here. Our ex's are mentally unbalanced and believe withholding contact for no reason is a good idea.

I can totally understand that legal fees are unaffordable for you - it's true, they are extortionate. And I also understand your concerns about self representation too - it can be daunting and stressful.

Can I ask was there anything that sparked off her recent outburst? The reason I ask is because it may be she calms down after a while and sees sense if she is just now sulking about something.

I think your first step is don't think about the court room just now. There are things to do before you need to go down that road.

You could write a letter yourself that you could send to your ex, explaining you wish to arrange a schedule of contact for your kids to see you. Perhaps take it to a solicitor and get them to send it for you on on of their letterheads - it may cost a few quid to do it, but would have a bit more clout than just sending it yourself. That may be a possibility.

Also you could involve a mediator and they would seek to sit down with you and our ex, and see if something can be arranged.

If you don't feel you have the stomach for court, then perhaps give the more amicable approach a go first.

But if it comes to it, and you decide you want to sort things out through the court, you can do it. Mate I have a phobia of public speaking, but I have been to two directions hearings, and have a final hearing (trial) coming up soon. So if I can do it, you can do it.

The key is being prepared. I drafted a position statement before the first hearing, and when I got to court handed it to the usher, who gave it to the judge. When I got into court, he knew exactly what I was there for and why. I hardly needed to speak at all - and I came away with 5 hours of contact twice a month.

Let us know how things go.

Simon.
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A dedicated dad travelling the lonely road to secure the relationship with my son that we both deserve, while helping other lonely travellers along the way.

No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44485

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Thanks for the replies guys, its really appreciated.

What sparked the latest outburst was my ex asking if I could take a weekend off work to look after the girls when its the weekend of her 30th as she is having a party and all I said was I would put a holiday request in but wouldn't find out if I was getting it till nearer the time so she kicked off because I couldn't give her a definite answer! She went off on one and she told me that fathers are 10 a penny and that I was just a sperm donor! She really is twisted, like the majority of ex's we read about on the forum sadly.

I have asked my ex before on a few occasions about mediation but she has refused point blank. She loves being in control and as soon as she doesn't get her own way she uses the girls cos she knows how much it hurts me. We've been in this situation a few times over the past year and a bit and when she has came round, she has told me she the things she does to get at me and hurt me, and I bite my tounge on those occasions for the sake of my girls, cos I know if I told her she was twisted and out of order for doing that it would kick off again, so I feel I am always treading eggshells all the time. As soon as I do say something she doesn't like, it happens again so I really cant go on like this and I suppose will need to somehow try to self represent.

Even though we are only talking a couple of hundred quid its a lot in my predicament as I have to use my credit card every month to cover what my wage doesn't, but if it means adding a bit more to it, then so be it cos it seems the only and cheapest option available. I really do think I would struggle big time with the demands of going through court but needs must and if it helps me get something legal with regards seeing my girls then I will try it. It cant go on like this any longer.

Thanks again for the support guys and I really do wish you all the best in your own cases and you get what yous are hoping for

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No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44488

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Have you looked into attending a Families Need Fathers meeting, you would get legal advice and support from others in a similar situation. The dads here that have attended have all said they have benefited from it. Some of the guys that run these meetings will sometimes attend court to support someone who is struggling....it's worth a try! Here's a link to their webpage where you will get details of meetings in your area hopefully.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings .

Some of the courts in major cities also offer help through the Personal Support Unit. They will help with paperwork and can sit in the court room for support.

www.thepsu.org/

Some CABs have a list of volunteer Mckenzie Friends that will assist freely and only ask for travelling expenses.
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
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No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44490

Hi RC

My story is quite different from yours but I know exactly how it feels to be treading on eggshells with an ex,thats all I have felt I have been doing since we split.

This site has been a life saver for me,i felt like I was on my own and after I posted on here last Monday I realised that I had people to talk to,they have been very supportive and so understanding with my situation,dont get me wrong I am not yet cured and still have many bad days but at least now I know I have someone to talk to and advice/help.

I cant give you any advice about your situation but always around if ever you need to let off steam.
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No contact, skint and cant self represent, Help 5 years 6 months ago #44492

Give the national debtline a call mate they are amazing I to was in so much debt when I started all this it doesn't help matters worrying about money as well as not seeing you girls they really help you out and you will be amazed how good you feel when you get your finances under control :)
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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
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