I attended the Separated Parents Information Program today and I must admit it was [censored] brilliant!
I would suggest if it gets offered jump at the chance.
It doesn't half make you realise the effect a separation has on the kids and I now see the whole situation in a different light.
Instead of making you attend mediation both parents should HAVE to attend one of these courses together as Relate who run it on behalf of cafcass are so in partial and non judgemental unlike mediators at mediation.
I found the 2 mediators I seen to be so biased and all for the female like everyone in this [censored] system.
I just hope this has an effect on my ex partner when she attends but I'm not holding my breath.
....everyone that attends SPIPs has really positive things to say about them...lets hope it has some effect on your ex and she is able to see things from her children's perspective.
Hi There,
I was sent on this course, as was my ex.....and actually my current partner, we actually had the same day to attend which made it a lot easier, me and my current partner not my ex that would have made it much much worse Lol
I think it is a very good course and it does make you think about how you should treat different issues to make things different for the children, I think though as with a lot of training sessions and courses you will only get out of it what you put in, as long as you go with an open mind and are happy to accept that maybe how you have always done things isn't the best way then you will get a lot from it.
I found the people that held it as you say very non judgemental, they are all about the future, what's in the past isn't really as important (though there are clearly exceptions to this) and that was a fresh outlook to start with as we all dwell on, well she did this, and she said that before so why should I do this ect
as you say a worth while session of offered.
GTTS
It's just a shame that despite what the courts say parents aren't "forced" to go on the program, I know my ex for one still hasn't attended. Not that it would make any difference to her because she is always right...... 😉
the judge considered sending me and ex on this at our hearing last week but then said as it's been 4 years she thinks we are past mediation and their was not a need for me to attend the course now I wish I had been given it ,
glad to hear such positive outcomes that you guys feel it was worth while
It was just so nice to be treated as a responsible parent and not be made out to be a evil ex partner who's out to destroy your ex like every other biased [censored] hole in the system, It was cool to see things from a females perspective to as women and men attend the course.
It shows you that you're not alone and everyones case is different a few people male and female got upset including myself making me feel not so alone.
After a couple splits up they both should have to attend this course together i'm sure it would make the world of difference I could relate to 90% of the course as I was one of them children who suffered because of my parents split and I'm sure as [censored] not letting it happen to my Girls.
It also shown me I've got the right attitude in doing what I'm doing fighting for my Girls as some of the other dads in the group had it all wrong but you could see how the course had changed them a little by the end of the course, it's also quite sobering as you look at the way you yourself has acted during your own personal battle and I came out thinking it takes two to tango and maybe my attitude and my drug addiction did have an effect on how things have worked out between me and my ex.
I went on one last year and when we attended the final hearing my ex waved her certificate proudly and repeated the oft used phrase of how the handovers should be like a business relationship. She also proclaimed to have learned a lot from the course. Needless to say her idea of business is to be obstructive and offer no communication so our business failed immediately and I had to make another contact order app two months later.
I and the other men there all knew this was a pointless meeting which gained nothing if you have an ex who is intent on making things difficult. The mediation I attended previously was done by Relate and I it worked well. The ex played the victim on the first meet then she played the obstructive on the second meet and on the third she played the best of friends. One week after our successful mediation letter she went back to the games.
It was interesting to see the other people attend the SPIP though. There were similar stories, some worse some the same and as the groups are mixed you get to see both sides. Funnily enough there was one woman there who offered no input and stated that she was only there because she had to be whilst she spent the rest of the session doodling and displaying a serious restless leg syndrome. It made me think that's exactly how my ex is but at least this woman's not putting on an act.
Yup just as I thought I've heard my ex will not attend the SPIPS course she has been posting all over social media how she thinks its a total joke :/
The court will order her to attend the SPIP course and also if CAFCASS are involved they also will recommend to the court that she attends the SPIP course
However as someone said if your ex is like mine it will make no difference lol
She wont attend same as she will not allow any contact between me and the girls she is point blank refusing any co-operation at all, she knows the courts will not punish her in anyway and they all just take her word for everything and think it's ok, I can't believe they are not going to do an observation as part of the s7 because she has refused letting the girls near me I can't understand all this there seems to be not point to even going to court if my ex refuses everything :/
Yep I spent about £10k got a court order which lasted 2 months then she tore it up and made unilateral decisions as to when I could see my children so. I went for breach of court order. That's when the fun stated and she claimed child abuse which the court ignored but then claimed I couldn't cope as one went back with bump on her head which I never even saw but CAFCASS went straight to a judge with out talking to me first so I had to have observation visits recently. One hurdle after the other.
The people that came to do the observation where great and it went well actually said expect domestic violence accusations next !
Anyway nearly another £10k down I have court again soon but she has already said she does not agree with CAFCASS and the courts and it will go to a contested hearing.
I have good days and bad days about wanting to walk away !
There is absolutely no chance I am walking away I don't think I have any chance that I will get to be part of the girls lives but I want to be able to say I've tried everything, I've had all the domestic abuse allegations already and the courts have dismissed them I'm self repping so is she so the costs are kept to a minimum although I an going to sort a mckenzie friend for the next hearings.
Even if they do make an order she will not stick to anything they say its a no win situation but I'll keep on trying 🙂