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TOPIC: Kids have asked to reduce access

Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54113

Hi

My 11 year twins have telephoned me tonight saying they want to reduce our time together, basically going from 6nights a fortnight together to only having three.
A main reason I feel for this is because my relationship with my ex gf which tbh was quite rocky has finished.
Another reason for this is because the twins mother is buying them I.e getting them absolutely everything. I have agreed with her tonight to assess the situation again in a couple of months if they feel the same.
I'm after advice on how I can improve my relationship with my kids, or do I accept their wishes (would break my heart), and agree to what they have said.
Finally the other worry I have is if I have my twins less my tax credits will be reduced and there's no way I can afford my mortgage. So would the tax credits be reduced even though the court has granted 6nights a fortnight but I I would end up with less time if I agree to what they are asking.
I can't stress enough my main priority is seeing my kids as much as possible, but being totally honest I do worry about keeping a roof over my/their heads.

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Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54115

Hello, Bud..

I cant say I have experienced any of this for myself, the tax credits situation included.. I was just wondering if you asked your children why they wanted to see you less? and what was their answer?..

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No Justice, No Peace.

Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54127

  • actd
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I think it would be worth speaking to the Citizens Advice Bureau, but I have suspicions that HMRC will base the tax credits on the actual number of nights they stay, not on the court order.

I would be inclined to talk to your twins face to face to ask them what they want - it could be pressure from their mother, rather than their own wishes.

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Last Edit: by actd.

Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54129

Hi there,
Yes, Actd's suggestion to talk face to face is one I would have suggested.
That way you can establish why they would like to reduce the time they spend with you.
It would also allow you to ask them what could be done " better" or " differently " and all of you
can work at the situation.

Tc
Kirsten

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Life is simple...it's just not easy.

Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54152

Thanks all for your responses.
One reason is I think they are upset my last relationship broke down.another is the mother has bought them a puppy, this I know they miss, I also believe the mother is slating me and filling their heads with all sorts.

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Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54167

I know from my own experience of my 11 yr old, they tend to just want to go out more with their mates. Phone calls are sporadic and visits less frequent. I used to be gutted whn I called him and he wouldnt answer, I cant put it down to being this exactly, I also put it down to dad and they way 11 yr old felt he had to be "loyal" to dad but seeing my 10 yr old now hes kind of the same, barely see him,. more interested in his friends.

Have they just started high school?

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Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54210

Hi

Yes have just started high school, but according to the mother they have felt like this for months. Feel absolutely gutted they are my world, if anything I want more time with them and certainly don't want to agree to it.

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Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54212

If see if they would be willing to compromise, say 6 nights to 4 instead of 3. See what they say. I found from 10-11 yrs old my boy really changed, coming to see me just wasn't cool anymore.

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Kids have asked to reduce access 5 years 1 month ago #54443

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Any chance they can bring the puppy with them when they have contact with you?

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