TOPIC: Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61787

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It's ok to turn up on the night BM.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61861

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Ex doesn't even allow me to speak to son over the phone just two hours a week unsupervised contact at a centre...

Yet she has told me, via the girl at the contact centre, to ask me to drop off some of her clothes next time I visit,

WTF.

Is she taking the piss. I said I'll pack something and drop it off but seriously.

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61866

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I personally don't think she should be using the contact centre as a drop off point for her belongings...it's better to keep all of that kind of thing away from your child.

Perhaps a letter to her solicitor to state that you are uncomfortable for this transferral of personal effects to take place at the contact centre in front of the child. These are all subtle manoeuvres of control IMO and you can take back a little of this in this situation. Ask her to come up with alternative suggestions that she would feel comfortable with and that you will get back to her and let her know which is suitable for you.
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61868

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Thanks NJ. Also thanks for your reply on the thread.

Asking for gradual increased contact leading to overnight is a very good idea and something that I will suggest.

I just don't trust my ex. This is a woman who lied in court about me hitting her and will most likely bring it up again. What you're saying is sensible but I know she will abuse it and use the time to turn my son against me.

During my last contact with my son, when the time came close to leave, he said "Goodbye, see you later and walked off to play with his toys". This was week 4. In week 1 he was crying and asking me why I was going. This change is killed me. I'm trying to stay strong but my son is slowly getting used to me not being around. It's good for him I guess but I can't deal with it.

It's sickening how the mere mention of the above story to the courts would be considered a negative and twisted as me being selfish and not child centric. It's human nature to want to be with your kids.

I've lost count the number of times I've written an e-mail to my ex about that above incident and then at the last minute, before sending, I delete the e-mail.

Pray that the law changes one day.

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Last Edit: by BMurkin.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61890

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In regards to an interim order...

More than likely me and my ex will be miles apart in regards to the contact. So it's gonna drag it through several court hearings. In the meantime I would like a interim order which offers better contact than what I hace already (2 hrs a week, unsupervised at a contact centre).

Can my wife's reject my interim request and then put me in a position where I either accept what she is offering or risk more months at the contact centre.

I have zero faith in her being reasonable and expect her to make it hard. Whatever I ask she will just reduce and offer significantly less. Hence my 'ask more than I would get' strategy.

However I can't continue paying contact centres. Simply can't afford nor can I accept my wife's offer of one Saturday every other weekend. I live literally 30 min from her, I work from home and she works 5 days a week 6am to 7pm. Based on her plan, her elderly parents will have to look after son. She is entirely reliant on pensioners to look after our son. It just doesn't seem in the best interest of our son and it's simply not logical when I live down the road and can be flexible with work hours.

Doesnt make sense at all

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61891

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....try not to concern yourself with your wife's responses to your proposals. Yes, she can object to anything you put on the table but in cases about contact, where contact has already resumed, the court is looking to progress it.

By the time you get to court you will have a good number of contact centre sessions under your belt and the court may well want to see contact progress to unsupervised at home, it's not an unreasonable request for you to make.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61892

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She fake cried at the non molestation order hearing. However the judge said at the end she did not believe my wife was terrified of me. I'm expecting more dramatics.

As long as the judges can over rule her requests that's fine. I feel an interim agreement is fair since we are miles apart.

She is flat out refusing to negotiate.

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61895

My ex flat out refused to negotiate right up until the final hearing when she still refused unsupervised access but the judges done some awesome mediating and got her to agree and since she realised no matter what she says a child has the right to see their dad and she can't do anything about it she has finally started to see sense almost 2 years since she went nuts.

I had to change my tact with her and maybe except that I could of handle things differently and I've always said it takes 2 to tango........ Since doing so at the final hearing when I really made the effort to work with her I swallowed a bit of pride and it worked wonders this has been going on for 2 years basically a year through court so you've really got to play the long game.

If I knew what I know now I would of taken a few chill pills followed everyone's advice on here to a tee I wouldn't worry about one thing that came out of my ex's mouth I should of completely ignored her from the start all in all it's took a year to get from no contact at all to overnight stays starting next week that was without any solicitors involved at all so worrying about things doesn't help you got to take everything step by step :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61896

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The courts will give you both every opportunity to negotiate, they prefer it and at the end of the day, the less court has to become involved, the better. However it can come to the point, where no agreement can be reached, when the court will make the order and it will be with regard to what they consider is best for the child, regardless of what either parent might want
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61897

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Thanks NJ and Slim

Slim, I've read your story but can you elaborate on what exactly you had to swallow your Pride on? Your ex makes mine look reasonable. From what I gathered you ex did not want you to see the kids at all...so what negotiation or pride swallowing can you have done during the contact proceedings.

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61898

I suppose I could of handled things differently before court I was a tad over powering when she was pregnant I was more interested in battling her when I should of been focusing on our daughter I should of given her more space and I did say things in the heat of the moment sometimes.

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 8 months ago #61926

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Met the mediatie today and got my c100 signed off. Will send it tomorrow.

She asked me how much contact I'm seeking, I told her 2 days during the week and one weekend (thurs to Saturday 8pm) and she smirked. Asked her if she thought it was unrealistic, since that's everyone from my solicitor, this forum etc have said the same and she said it was no harm in trying.

That's what I'm gonna do, try.

The feedback so far has ensured that I haven't built my hopes up. Although disheartening that no one thinks I'll get what I want, at least it has mentally prepared me for the worse.

Wife's family are real nasty pieces of work and the thought of my son being brought up by lying and manipulate scum like them is killing me. I went to the local FNF meeting and although helpful, a lot of them were just as angry as me. It just made me more bitter listening to their stories.

What really annoys me is that me wanting 3 days a week is perceived as selfish and not child centric. Whereas it's ok for my wife to want that and more. It's total b********!!!

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