TOPIC: Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62075

  • BMurkin
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In what scenario will the judge order a finding of fact hearing at a child arrangement hearing.

My wife has given me unsupervised contact at a CC, stated in writing that she is happy for me to have regular contact (on her terms) but keeps on maintaining her lies about me being a violent psycho.

So basically she has told a court that she is happy for her son to have unsupervised contact with someone she believes "will kill her" - her literal words.

I don't know if she's being incredibly stupid or this is a tactic. On paper it looks like she's doing her best to be child centric. By requesting that our son maintains contact with me despite her claims makes her look very noble and caring. However, she secretly knows no judge would allow contact with someone who has been accused of being a potential killer. Getting the courts to do her dirty work.

I need to find a way to counter this. I've joined a parenting puzzle course. I was never physically violent but I did argue with my wife and allow to get me worked up. She controlled me like a puppet.

Are there any free anger management courses

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62102

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Have a word with your GP to see if there is anything available free of charge, and also your local council.

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62257

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The child arrangement application is still with the judge! It's been 5 weeks and they can't give me an explanation.

I've asked my solicitor to send my C100 application but he has had it for a week and still hasn't finished it. I should've just done it myself but my head hasn't been right so I gave it to him. Money is running short and me sending him an e-mail will cost me.

Wifes divorce petition arrived. Stupidly a small part of me hoped she would change her mind and we can all go back to normal again. However, I'll only be going back for my son. She's done too much now for me to forgive and she's not stupid enough to ever come back.

I really don't know how to deal with this!

- I've listened to everyone advise
- I go to the gym everyday
- Ive joined the parenting puzzle course, but the happy parents and their family stories just depresses ME
- I've attended a family needs fathers meeting. Although a good idea my local one appears to me men even more angry then me and looking to meet up to get pissed or to sell their Makenzie Friend services
- tempted to join a dating site but what woman would go near a man looking for dates within 2 months of a separation and on the verge of a divorce
- I wake up thinking of my son and go to bed thinking of my son and my life
- everyday is a battle to stop myself from texting my wife and pleading with her to stop the madness or at least let me see son. like other's my order doesn't state I can't contact her, I just can't threaten or attack her. However I guess it's open to interpretation on purpose.

I'm literally going mad. I have zero control over nothing


When and how can I end this misery. Don't worry, not gonna top myself :) just bloody miserable

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62264

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I'm a step above the one that you already reached:

my ex have the daily care of our daughter, so that means if I want to see or speak to her, I have to pass through her mother ... nowadays she decided there was no more time for daddy to be around, that's because I have a bad influence on both of them and the join their life much better without me around ... that's what she said ... the resolve of that it was that she went to the police and ask what there are her rights like as a mother: at the moment that she can understood that she can decide to show me my daughter or not, she didn't think about it two times, send me an email and let me know about

that's it, for the moment

I still try to understand what I can do about ... I feel so depressed that's last days

reading about your own story let me feel a bit more comfortable with my own, just because you remember to that there still be something that I can try and do, to keep my love as much as possible near to me

I'm afraid that she can vanish with my little one, one of this days and I cannot have her news anymore ... this really fear me in my soul

but, I always remember to myself, that should be a solution for everything at this world ... as me, as you, a lot of other fathers had the same issues that us now, but after all they are still alive and didn't loose the chance to be with their children

you must be focused about what do you need and want, not only from the other part, but from your own, before all the rest

keep fighting for your son, don't give up

you're not alone

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62265

BM

That really is a long time for the court to have hung on to your wife's application without setting a date for the hearing. I'm surprised that they wont give any decent explanation for this.

Equally, for your solicitor, a week and he still hasn't filled out a c100. Honestly thats really really poor. I filled mine out alone on a single evening, as have most people. Your solicitor seems to be gobbling up your hard earned money with little to no end product for you. Perhaps take back the c100 from him and one of us here can help you fill out and get it sent it. Be quicker and cheaper for you to be honest.

For you I think these delays are adding to what is a really stressful time. You can do with just getting into court and getting the ball rolling and getting things resolved.

Its easier said than done I know, but do try and hang in there for the time being. I think once the ball does get rolling, you can take back some of the control and that will make you feel better as you will see things getting done and progress getting made.

If FNF meetings arent your cup of tea, then you don't have to go. I wouldn't want to sit around with disenfranchised and angry people all evening, it would just make me feel worse than I already did. That's why I never went to an FNF meeting. I much preferred to talk to people on the forums and research by myself. And it worked out pretty well in the end for me.

I do say this in jest of course, and relating to the dating sites, but maybe letting off a bit of steam with the ladies could be a good thing and relax you a little lol.

Simon.

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A dedicated dad travelling the lonely road to secure the relationship with my son that we both deserve, while helping other lonely travellers along the way.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62266

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He said he has been busy with other cases.

I'll ask him to e-mail what he has done so far and I'll finish it off. I think by the time he has done it the court would've set the date for my wife's application and the whole thing with my application would've been a waste of time and money

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62278

Do you defo know that your ex has actually made an application either way I grab this situation by the balls bin your useless solicitor and do it all yourself fill out a c100 and get the ball rolling that's exactly what I did and it's the best thing I could of done, i too felt the same as you and went down a very very dark road and was on the verge of killing myself this was brought on by me still been in contact and reacting to all my ex's bull I still was clinging on to that we could be friends again I had a chat with my mum and she said cut all contact with the ex, don't bother with a solicitor and get over the ex which I did and I swear I felt 10 times better within a week or so, it's funny as I thought exactly the same as you about them meetings they done me no favours at all, at the moment you are relying on people who are out to screw you so take the bull by the horns and crack on yourself be in control of your own destiny and get decent contact sorted with your child I swear you will start feeling better before you know it man :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62280

As for how you are feeling at the moment I too hardly slept I constantly was thinking about the injustice of it all I'd cry my self to sleep every night, hardly ate, had suicidal thoughts, missed my daughter first thing I thought when I woke and last thing before I finally slept, couldn't meet anyone as I still wasn't over my ex, life seemed pointless I harp on about it all to friends family, smoked an 8th of weed everyday I was a complete mess so the way I sorted myself out was to make the application I gave up the weed, I worked 7 days a week for 5 months, bought some weights and pumped iron every night forced myself to eat properly started djing again went abroad to dj on my own, started to socialise more this was for 10 months solid with no contact with my baby daughter at all it was by far the worst time of my life but I got through it so can you :)
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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62282

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Thanks for the advise guys. Once the funds run out with solicitor I'm gonna go it alone. I've asked him to send me an update on C100 and if he can't finish it by next Monday at the latest to just send it to me and I'll do it.

Wife has planned this for months, maybe years, so I'm playing catch up.

I wasted the first 4 weeks with the stupid hope of her changing her mind.

I spent two weeks with no attempt to contact her. She then sent the divorce petition. She wants to leave but the timing is tactical. They want to mentally exhaust me and break me so by the time of the contact hearing, I'll be so desperate I'll accept anything they offer.

People on this forum have been great but I'm sick of the family system and the attitudes!!

- how me sending e-mails pleading with my wife to see daughters can be twisted into something negative
- how me phoning the courts asking why it's taking 5 weeks and counting to process an application as me being impatient
- how me wanting shared residency and 3 days contact as not child centric BUT it's acceptable for my wife to say in writing that she will never grant me overnight because our son has never been away from her (ie I can't bare to be away from my son for one night but I expect you to)

I'm sick of it

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Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62284

So that means you're still going to get absolutely nowhere you are going to be stuck in this position for ever more you've really got to let it drop with the injustice of it all the c100 is not rocket science id be filling another one out as we speak your playing straight into the ex's and solicitors hands they will be laughing there backs off at you put a stop to it fight fire with fire

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62285

BM,

I'm going to tell you something now, and for me it proved invaluable in terms of strategy going forward through the court process.

Like most people, you don't have a bottomless pit of funds to use in court. You have a limited budget and you have to make that go as far as you can.

I personally feel, and this is unless someone absolutely cannot speak for themselves or do the paperwork needed, it is best to attend the early court hearings without using a solicitor.

Directions hearings last a very short amount of time, not much is really said, and so using a solicitor to go with you is really a waste of money. You could do it yourself and get the same result.

What I did was to attend the first and second directions hearings alone, saving all my money, and then for the contested hearing employ a barrister to work for me. I did this using the public access scheme, which basically means I stayed as litigant in person, and had the services of a top barrister for my hearing.

The beauty of it was I didnt need to declare I had representation because I used the public access route, so come the day of the hearing, when my ex and her barrister found out I had a barrister too, she freaked out and dropped all her allegations. As a result things moved forward at a rapid pace from then on. I dont think the barrister did what I could not do, but it was the sheer presence that changed the game hugely. I then did the final hearing alone, and got a final order made.

The point here is, be wise with your money. Go it alone when you can, and save your money for the big showdowns which are the contested hearing e.tc if things go that far for you.

We here can assist you with the directions hearings and associated paperwork. When you need someone to expose your ex and grill her in court, thats when you want to have your money ready to use.

Simon.
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A dedicated dad travelling the lonely road to secure the relationship with my son that we both deserve, while helping other lonely travellers along the way.

Desperate need for help and advise, losing my mind 4 years 5 months ago #62286

Fantastic advice from Simon there you'd be a fool not to take that on board another good one is to grab the free hour with a solicitor at each stage of the court case I did just that but at every one I went to see they said the same thing which was I knew what I was on with and I was better off going it alone at the end of the day you will have decent contact with your child and be part of their life no matter what the ex says the courts will grant you it with or without a solicitor it's just a big systematic cog you have to go through and as long as you are not a threat to your child and you remain child focused you will defo get the outcome you want :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
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