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TOPIC: Access Stopped.. advice?

Access Stopped.. advice? 5 years 6 months ago #61973

  • Nannyjane
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Hi there

Whilst I think your letter is fine, I do think its too long!

You are at the stage where you don't want to be dictated to anymore and I entirely agree with you. The issue is whether the court will also agree with you. As you have proof through previous correspondence that she and her solicitor are happy to stop contact unless you do as you're told, I think this strengthens your case that she is being unreasonable. Is she using your contact times for her own benefit, for you to fill in childcare when she works? Why shouldn't she share the collection and drop off of the children, do you live local to each other?

I think your proposal for an agreed parenting plan is good but I would follow that up with mediation to consolidate it. If she refuses this then I think you should apply to the court for a defined contact order, asking for a full weekend every fortnight and a weekly midweek contact visit. I think you should ask for her to share the responsibility, to collect or pick up the children and I think you should ask for at least two weeks during the summer holidays, extra at easter and bank holidays and shared alternate Christmas and birthdays...even every Father's Day too!

These requests are not over the top, a full weekend and a weekly midweek is the general schedule most commonly used and accepted by the courts.

At the moment, she thinks she has you over a barrel and I think it might be time to stand your ground.

IMO your letter should state that its not right or proper to use the threat of stopping contact to enable her to dictate the terms of contact and that as there are absolutely no safeguarding issues with regard to your care of the children that contact should be reinstated immediately, whilst negotiations are ongoing.

That your request for a full weekend every fortnight and the continuation of a weekly midweek visit is not unreasonable, but rather the starting point and usual amount that courts recognise as being in a childs best interests. A full weekend would allow the children to enjoy extended activities and enable a better quality of contact that cant be achieved in 24 hours. Tell her that you are also requesting extra during school holidays and shared alternate Christmas and birthdays, as this was the agreement when you first separated.

Enclose the parenting plan, a blank and a copy of one you have filled out and ask her to fill hers out ready for attendance at mediation to discuss it further in the hope of reaching an agreement that is child centred and has their best interests at heart.

Remind her that it is your children's right to have both parents fully involved in their lives and this includes receiving information and being involved with school events such as parent evenings and receiving reports.

Finally state that if she cannot agree to your request you feel that you will have no alternative but to apply to the court for a defined contact order, give her 14 days to respond to your proposals and if none is forthcoming or she refuses then submit your application.

From the tone of your posts I think this is what you want to do, she is like some despotic dictator the way she is carrying on!

Good luck with it.
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
Last Edit: by Nannyjane.
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