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TOPIC: My contact update

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62581

Hi all,

I haven't posted much about progress with my own situation for a while now; mainly because there hasn't been much to tell other than what I had already said following the final hearing back in November, where a timetable for contact progression was agreed. I did say then that April would be when overnight contact would start, basically the same time my son turned 2 years old. This weekend just passed was therefore the first overnight contact I had with my son since august 2013.

It went brilliantly. I picked him up as normal on Saturday around 11.30 am after travelling up north. We did all the usual stuff like go to the park, play games at the hotel where we stay. Instead of then having to wrap everything up at 6pm and drop him off home before collecting him again the next day, I took him for dinner, then back for his bath and bedtime stories. He went to sleep without many problems around 9pm and slept all the way through to 8am the next morning. Sunday was more of the same. We also stopped off at his nan's house (ex's mum...yes they like me and invite me to their house every week im up visiting my son) and had a cuppa there before dropping my son home to mum.

The good thing was my son never once asked for his mum whilst he was with me. So I think in terms of my relationship with my son, he is content and happy with me, and enjoys his time with me.

My ex, was quite helpful this weekend, packed some extra things for me...nappies, bathtime stuff, change of clothes e.t.c. Which was cooperative of her.

However, as pleasant as it all sounded, my ex just couldn't let the weekend end on a high note for me or our son. When I dropped him home she seemed happy to see him, but amazed that I had no problems with bathing him or getting him to bed, and dealing with him if and when he woke up. I mean, I don't know why she would be shocked at that, I'm a capable and patient guy, and was confident I could deal with all eventualities. She has to realise, when it comes to overnights, I had been out of the game for some time, so was essentially having baptism of fire this weekend. I thought she would be happy everything went well....but no....

I got home early evening, and then later that evening a text message comes through from the ex with a very accusatory tone to it. Apparently as soon as I had dropped my son home at 2.30pm, the ex had changed his nappy, and he had such bad nappy rash that it was red raw and he was screaming.

That's interesting, as at 1.30, when at my son's nan's house, in front of of his nan and her partners, I had changed my son's nappy and he was laughing and smiling, and had no nappy rash I could see. So not sure how that developed in the space of 1 hr!!

My response to her text was to state that I had changed his nappy in the same way I had done over the last year, with the same regularity, and using the same nappies and sudocrem I always use, and that I hadn't noticed any redness that hadn't been there before. Sometimes when I have my son, his bum is a little red, other times not. That was that. I didn't really bite to her message, as I was expecting it, so was mentally ready for it. I got another text today from her informing me that he severe nappy rash that started in 1 hr was 90% gone and our son was fine. Wow, quick recovery.

So yes, a very good weekend, which of course ended with sadness on my part, as I had to hand my son back, when I wanted that time to go on forever, was compounded by the mean texts from my ex.

I still can't fathom why any human, in this case a mother, would want to seek retribution against a father for simply having a good time with his child. Why not just embrace that the child is in good hands, had a great time and leave it at that? In my ex's case I suspect its because she wanted me to fail, and I didn't. All she could do to try and maintain her superiority over me - as she believes she is brilliant parent, and that I'm not - was to suggest I caused my son to have nappy rash. Criticism and guilt trip all in one.

The thing is, I expect this sort of behaviour from her, and so am prepared for it. I suppose I will never let my guard down with her, as if she sees an opportunity to do me over, she will. I'm nice and polite to her at all times, never give her reason to argue. I'm very wary of inflaming the situation and giving her ammunition to use later down the line. She really annoyed me last night with what she said, but all I do is show her my smiley face and get on with my day. That's how it has to be.

We are not friends, despite the niceties. We will never be friends. The moral of the story for all reading this is, never ever take your guard down when you are dealing with this type of person, as if they see weakness they will exploit it. Be civil with them for the good of the child, but protect yourself at all times.

The main thing though is enjoy your time with your child and make the most of it - don't let the issues of another spoil what should be good and happy times.

Simon - a dad, who despite the bitterness of the ex, had a fantastic weekend....and so did his son! :) :) :)
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A dedicated dad travelling the lonely road to secure the relationship with my son that we both deserve, while helping other lonely travellers along the way.
Last Edit: by Simon7580.

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62585

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Thanks for the update Simon... It's a shame that she tries to spoil it for you. It's possible that his sudden rash could be down to teething...he's the right age for this.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62590

Excellent Simon at least all is heading in the right direction the ex will be clinging onto that last bit of control just cary on doing what you are doing the more you don't react the more she will get bored of kicking up a fuss over nothing there's signs of her coming round by her packing a bag ect for little one :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62596

Top post Simon :)

Good on you mate. Keep doing what you're doing and she'll run out of snidey pointless digs.

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My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62608

That's what it's all about, keeping doing what you are doing, doing the right things, and keep focused on what's truly important.

I can't wait for the next overnight contact with my son, as the most recent one was a blast, and we had so much fun.

His speech is coming on so well for a 2 year old, and he was coming out with all sorts over the weekend. I gave him his drink at one point, and he said to me "Cheers!". He is a cute little kid.

The next milestone for me and my son in the progression of contact is in september when he comes to stay with me at my home in the south for a week - as we live 250 miles apart at present. I can't wait for that. I think it's going to be such a good time for us both.

In the meantime, I will just carry on doing what I have been doing for the last 16 months, and build on the good foundations laid so far :)

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A dedicated dad travelling the lonely road to secure the relationship with my son that we both deserve, while helping other lonely travellers along the way.

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62610

Hi Simon....
What a brilliant update!

It is all too familiar....for me anyway.
The sudden onset of nappy rash....and the amazingly quick healing time....
As you may have guessed, we have had the same experience....just because the ex couldn't stomach the fact her
child was having a good time with Daddy.
Just keep doing what you are doing, you have shown to be such a brilliant and committed Dad to your son.
Your ex will never have the power to break you and your love for your child, no matter what she tries.

Take care
Kirsten

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Life is simple...it's just not easy.

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62629

Kirsten, thanks for the kind compliments.

Yes, I remember last last year speaking with you and your son about the problems being faced with regards to the ex. It takes a very strange personality to want to hurt a father for having a good time with his child. Like I say, in my own mind, I can't imagine what would possess someone to feel that way and want to act in that way. To be jealous and vengeful for that is alien to me.

Hopefully she will just limit her behaviour to these petty outbursts. And like I say many times, I try not to feed her behavior or fuel any kind of argument. Everything from me is business like.

I know it sounds pessimistic, but I imagine that if ever I am in court again relating to child arrangement proceedings, anything I have said and done in the interim is open to scrutiny. So when it comes to my ex, I behave in a way that cannot be used against me, It's a shame I have to be so defensive, but I don't really have much other choice. I tried being friends with her before, and that ended up with the police knocking at my door, so never again.

Simon.

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A dedicated dad travelling the lonely road to secure the relationship with my son that we both deserve, while helping other lonely travellers along the way.

My contact update 4 years 5 months ago #62633

Thats what I've leaned not to do, feed her behaviour that's hit the nail on the head Simon, If you don't react and like you say stay business like and they soon get bored of kicking up a pointless fuss, My defences are up lock solid too I could sense my ex wanted to chat and tell me about their holiday when she dropped our daughter off but I grabbed my Girl and went to the park I felt a little guilty afterwards but it's going to take a couple of years for me to get back to being friends thats for sure.

You may find you ex starts to chill out a little once you get a few more overnights under your belt I think it takes time for them to trust you with little one again I'm on my 3rd and the ex is chilling a little more each week thankfully.

I'm working on the ex now so she will let me take my girl to see her family 250 miles away who's she's never met :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
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