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TOPIC: Where do we stand?

Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62819

  • Mojo
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...perhaps the mother realises that her control of your daughter is slipping as she's getting to the age where she can decide for herself.

At least you know what your options are should the situation escalate, but I'm pretty sure you have what is called a shared residence order so there is no urgency now.

Now the school are aware of what your daughter has gone through I do hope they are able to support her and also to keep a closer eye on her during this period of transition.

I sent you a private message but noticed you haven't open it yet...you can access your messages by clicking on the "private messages" link situated at the top right hand side of the page.

I think you, your daughter and the rest of your family can relax a little now, take stock and start the healing process... Best of luck with it all.
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62821

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Just had a call from the Head of Year this afternoon she called Mum and told her our daughter had attended school with Dad and explained how upset her daughter was all mum said was well I'm not wasting my life waiting for her to come back if she's living with dad yhen I might move in with my boyfriend and he won't have kids living with him! Then went on a rant about how I wouldn't know how to look after our daughter! (Funny that I've managed to take care of our daughter to for the past 14+ and the past 8 years my partner and I raising her three children (along with her ex's involvement as a caring father)
The head asked if mum could drop off daughters GCSEs course work revision guided etc and daughters medication for the morning , Mum told her 'No Way the days of me running around after her are over!' (In 9 years mum has never partook in contact drop off pick up she refused in the first degree and has never done so to this day , I've picked up dropped off unconditionally because that's what you do for your children).
So even an act of compassion from Mum is to much to ask knowing her Daughter has a medical condition which is treated with her medication still go's to show her ability to mentally and emotionally abuse her daughter from afar !!

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Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62823

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She sounds like an awful person and a disgrace as a mother! She is showing her true colours now and even if she were to try and force contact through court you have enough ammunition to blow her out of the water!

If you need to pick her belongs up but are worried about repercussions you can ask the police to accompany you to avoid any trouble.

It sounds like her and her boyfriend deserve one another.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62828

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I have just recieved this txt from mum,

"It has become apparent that (Child's Name) is to live with you for some time, After some consideration she will have to live with you for a minimum of 3 months IF after 3 months (Child's Name) wishes to live with me I will consider that possibility. In the meantime if (Child's Name) wishes to see me SHE can phone me and arrangements can be made."

Wow mother of the year Award I think.
My daughter is absolutely devastated as it is if I were to tell her what her mum said to the Head it would more so, it would be crushing a total rejection.
I always knew when we were together she had no "natural affection" but to actually see it instigated against our/her daughter is ,,,,,,, !!!!!!!!!!!
I've not replied to the message, my immediate concern is to love protect & nuture my daughter.
Just going to take a few days to consider how we approach it , just glad I'm not at work this week.
Will think about using the police if need be to collect belongs even tho my daughter says there nothing there that would hold a good memory that she hasn't already got here or can be replaced if she leaves it all there. Shocking to here that to. My daughter went on to say even grandad would never step in to stop it because he gets the same treatment and even the thought of not seeing him because gran and mum would see to that!

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Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62829

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Poor grandad!

A fresh start sounds good to me!

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62896

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Hi mojo thank you for the pm hope you recieved my reply
just a couple of updates , my daughter started back school yesterday and has had fantastic support from both her head of year & from her close friends whom she has confided in which is really heart warming at this difficult time.
Things have developed fast in some aspects and it is definitely leaving us thinking Mum isn't going to stand against our daughters decision which is shocking in so many ways yet relieving in others.
Yesterday she did turn up at our daughters school along with her mother (daughters grandma) with some of the things our daughter had requested the head ask for when returning mums call on Monday (revision books course work etc) She apparently handed the things over to the head saying "Im now going to live my life with so & so"
What a wonderful Mum!!!
Today I received a signed for large envelope with our daughters past/present hospital / dentist/optician letters appointments /repeat prescriptions etc and ,,,,,,,,,, her passport !!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow! this speaks volumes out of the 9 years I've only managed to get the passport twice and even then she's made me sign and collect/drop it off at her solicitors.
I'm happy with having it but for my daughter I feel it's another slap of rejection to add to the injury.
I really feel angry becsuse i feel now she is ridding herself of any responsibility or guilt over what she has done by blaming it all on our daughter.
For 9 years right up until only the week before the easter holidays she was playing the "you Will do what I say as I'm the parent who's in control!" Routine!
We have all suffered at her hands one way or another she has tried to make us suffer on an almost weekly basis. I see her as a criminal walking away scott free leaving the victim our daughter to pick up the pieces with our love & support!
I feel like writing to her solicitor, include the recordings and tell him of the resulting anguish suffering and pain my daughter has had to suffer. I to hold him responsible because every ridiculous accusation disrupted/withheld contact he has aided and abetted, he even made it personal by sneering & trying to belittle me when I was representing myself, I did report it to the court usher at the time and the usher said he was renowned for his manner! Would he feel so proud now knowing how he has aided in such behaviour which has caused such distress in his clients interests !!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!
Sorry it's just frustrating!!!!

Just a quick question do I now call the CSA (ive always payed privately without using the csa until mum got them involved and I sent them the revised court order for them to work the new amount out in accordance with the extended contact we had but still opted to pay it directly to mum) and tell them our daughter lives with us and stop paying the maintenance to mum?
Do I now apply for the child allowance ?
Ive never claimed for anything as I/we have never fallen into the categories as both my partner and I have worked full time.

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Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62907

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Hi there

Well at least you don't have to deal with the whole court process now and although your daughter may feel some rejection, I bet that the overwhelming emotion she feels is utter relief and dare I say freedom!

Yes, waste no time in claiming the child benefit and then let the CSA know. As long as the child benefit remains in the mothers name, the CSA will consider that she should still be receiving the maintenance payments.

You ex may not understand it right now, but as your beautiful daughter grows into a woman her mother may just realise what a terrible mistake she has made and she will have to live with some guilt and a whole lot of regret.

Best of luck to you all.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62909

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I wouldn't worry about whether your ex has made a mistake or not - it's no longer your concern. You now have your daughter with you and you and she are going to have a lot of fun from now on. I can attest to that through my own experience.

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Where do we stand? 4 years 7 months ago #62935

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Thank you Mojo and yes relieved court action may not be needed but still cautious at this early stage.
I'm just sounding off here as a release as the waves of emotion subside and life returns to ,,,, well life :whistle:
Thanks to actd

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Where do we stand? 3 years 6 months ago #74137

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Hi all well a year has just passed us by since my daughter removed herself from her mothers. It's been an emotional year hard at times but rewarding in many ways out weighing the hardship. I never envisaged the day I would have our daughter living with me full time again 10 years this year since splitting up with her mother & it's been a long hard road pushing against the obstacles placed in our way on more levels than I could have ever imagined on becoming a father.
My daughter is loved (as always) happy, secure, safe & after moving to a new school closer to where we live is achieving outstanding grades in her final year of school before higher education.
It hasn't all been plain sailing she has found it hard at times as we all have, in over a year now her mother has not made contact once with her,,,, at all !!!!! not on her birthday or at Christmas new year etc, her grandmother has (by text) twice in the past year but only to berate her for "having a teenage strop" & walking out! Beyond a strop self preservation after living a nightmare of bullying emotional, mental & verbal abuse from her mother her boyfriend & grandparents, all because of their hatred for me & the loving relationship my daughter & I have always had regardless of lost time & being apart.
As a family for the first time in ten years we have shared an uninterrupted normal family life (what ever that is lol) which has felt strange at times as we always expected some kind of disruption , but none has reared its head.
I never went back to court as naturally my daughters wish was to stay with us & after court in 2012 we had a shared care order, so at this time our daughters wishes would have been taken into account on her decision to stay with us.
We have heard plenty of stories from other parties regarding her mothers take on why our daughter left but we have gracefully declined to get involved to save our daughters dignity.
The only step I have took is to contact her solicitor last week with regards to the former marital home as this is subject to a "mesher order" which was made in the mothers favour until either our daughter reaches 18, her mother co-habits or moves out. Well we know she has been living with her boyfriend although in a letter received yesterday she denies. However she has offered a partial settlement for the time being "to lighten her load " as she put it then to pay the remainder on our daughters 18th birthday.
My understanding of this situation would be now our daughter no longer resides with her mother & now with myself, this would be the time to have my interest recognised in the property for us to secure a more stable place to live.? Surely the "Mesher" is out dated as it was made with the mother being the "resident" parent? Which no longer is applicable !?
Does anybody have any knowledge or experience of this situation?

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