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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #62770

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In short i was the victim of domestic violence commited by my wife on the 30th march 2015 and witnessed by our 2 children ages 5 and 3 and police were called by myself and wife arrested but not charged upon my request. Wife denies it completly i removed children to my mum and dads to avoid repeat she got child arrangments order in short we are all under one roof again but very strained wife blames me. In short will caffcass talk to children about what happened and should i go for custody for the childrens best interests and risk her making up more lies and refusing me any access at al

thanks for any comments good and bad simon

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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #62773

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Hi there

When did she get a Child Arrangements Order, does it state the children are to live with her and if the DV was committed on 30th March how did she manage to get one so quickly?

It's hard to say if your children would be spoken to about it because they are so young.

If your wife was arrested there will be a police record of this.

Without knowing more its very difficult to speak about outcomes, even knowing the background it's really hard to say.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #62844

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I took the children to my mum and dads on the tuesday as i thought that was the best thing to do i didnt want them to witness another attack either verbal or otherwise. My wife went to court claiming child abduction and got an emergency hearing on thursday at which i was requied to attend at short notice my parents live 1 hour away i gave brief outline about what happened judge let me keep children as long as mum spent time with them over easter we went back to court on friday where i had already agreed to return myself and children to family home as i felt no one was believing me and we both agreed an undertaking not to do what the other accused us of. Easy for me as i didnt do anything wrong. Wife now making things very uncomfortable at home and making snide comments about me in front of children and blaming me for everything that has gone wrong since even blaming my mum and dad for my girl getting nits. Have come to conclusion she is an abuser and im a victim but what can i do to protect myself and my kids?

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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #62899

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Hi

there are no guarantees in court, but the fact that a judge let you keep the children initially means that you are being believed, to some extent at least. Realistically, you have to decide whether you can make the marriage work (or try to do so), in which case Relate may be worth speaking to, as well as some counselling or anger management for your wife, or you can't make it work, in which case I question whether it's a wise idea at all to continue to remain in the house with your wife - and if that's the case, you need to make arrangements as to what you do next, and to keep your children with you. You have the opportunity to prepare the way so that you can apply for an emergency interim order to keep the children with you if you leave again (or to stay in the house and your wife go elsewhere), but making that decision is the first step.

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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #63012

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Hi thanks for the advice given that since posting my last reply my wife has been making life extremly difficult I am certain now that I have no choice but to leave and to take the children with me for their own safety she has been shouting at them and getting all worked up over the smallest thing and is still in complete denial about the whole thing and blaming me for the children not wanting anything to do with her and not listening to her, she thinks its because i took them to my parents and turned the children against her she has taken no responsibilty for anything putting all the blame on me I am seeing a solictor later today to see what my options are. thanks for the advice so far and anymore from dads who have been through this is more than welcome

Thanks Simon

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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #63027

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Hi Simon

The children are still very young and it will be difficult for the authorities to talk to them about their wishes and feelings. You mention that the children are showing signs that they don't want to be around their mum, have you spoken to,the school/nursery to find out if there has been any change in their behaviour?

It might be a good idea to talk to the Social Services about what is happening and how the children are being affected, if they are shying away from their mother the. There may be a case for emotional/psychological abuse.

You removed the children once before when you felt their safety was compromised and as actd said, the court supported you by leaving the children with you. I would suggest that you discuss with the solicitor applying for an urgent Prohibited Steps Order when you leave, rather than leave it up to her to maker the application. It will take a little coordination but it would be better if you took the lead on the next application.

Good luck.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #63255

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Well we have had another incident of assault commited by my wife against me and witnessed by the children wife arrested again and again not charged as no proof and again denying she did anything wrong and blaming me for removing the children to my mum and dads. Im now being threatned with a non mol unless i vacate family home by thursday even though she is in breach of cross undertaking i have asked for it to be returned to court asap for a urgent hearing but so scared that i will not have any contact with kids.

any advice please and thanks for all the support so far

simon

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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #63267

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If I were you I would apply for a non mol and occupancy order and have here excluded from the property and apply for residency.

The longer you are under one roof the more chance of the children being affected and her concocting something against you.

Get SS involved as well as already advised.

Regards,

Dave

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victim of domestic violence 4 years 11 months ago #63291

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Thanks for the advice i have got appt with ss today and solictor is working on non mol i think it is going back to court later this week

thanks simon

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