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TOPIC: Living arrangements

Living arrangements 4 years 5 months ago #62875

Hi, I did originally post this in the forum for new peeps, so I have copied and pasted to here. Any advice welcomed

Just wanted to say what a great place this is, loads of helpful advice on quite literally loads of subjects.

I was also after a little advice on my situation, for the last 4 years have been paying my ex £414 pm, I suggested to her that I was struggling financially and could we look at the amount that I pay, essentially to even it out so I am able to actually do things with the kids when I have them. She is reluctant to commit to this as i believe she rely's on the money for other reasons.

The main point that I would like advice on is time spent with the kids, currently I have them 6 nights out of 14. I asked my ex if I could have them on the Friday night before my weekends as it would give the kids an extra layin and also she wouldn't have to worry about clothes being brought back ( strange i know !!! ). She point blank refused this request and also has not given me a reason for the refusal. The kids now are asking if they can spend a equal amount of time at each house ( 7 days with me 7 days with ex )

My questions ....

Can she refuse me access without giving me a reason ?

Can she refuse what in essence the kids are asking for regarding equal time ?

Thanks in advance

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Living arrangements 4 years 5 months ago #62881

  • Nannyjane
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Hi there

I originally replied to your post in the welcome section, but it's better here, so I like you have copied and pasted my response. Glad that you find the Forum helpful, it's great to have positive feedback!

Do you pay child maintenance through a statutory arrangement through the CSA, or do you have a private arrangement?

Are the contact arrangements that you have at the moment agreed informally or do you have a court order?

Without any court order your ex can stop and start, refuse or alter contact whenever she likes.

It depends how old the kids are, if they are 11/12 or over then they can have a say as far as the courts are concerned, but without any order in place, if the mum says no then that's the way it is.

You could try mediation to try and sort this out, you would have to attend mediation before you could take court action anyway, if that's what you decide. Court should always be the last resort, it puts a great deal of strain on separated parents relationship and if you can sort it out without this then that's the best option always.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Living arrangements 4 years 4 months ago #62894

Hi Nannyjane

Thanks for your reply, all informal at the present time although I suspect she will want to go down a formal route. The kids are twin boys aged 10(11 this summer) and a girl aged 13. It was in fact the kids idea to do a week about but I have explained that I don't think their mum will go for it.

I want to suggest meeting this weekend, the 5 of us and see if we can agree a way forward that in essence makes the kids happy. Im flexible around my own working and living arrangements and am happy to compromise...

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