TOPIC: So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter

So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68141

  • Hackett
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Evening guys, I did put a post up before which was slightly lead by emotion and since then things have calmed and facts have emerged. I'm intrigued to know your thoughts.

Here's the facts. I have 3 children from the same marriage, eldest daughter has relentlessly expressed her desire to live with me, Ex wife has agreed to it twice but on both occasions has stopped it because she can't afford to maintain her lifestyle with the cut in maintenance and state benefits if daughter lives with me.

Daughter is heartbroken and asked me to do whatever it takes, I've been for an MIAM now which ex expressed plainly she would not attend nor would she attend any further mediation. Mediator has signed off my C100 ready to proceed to court.

Ex wife is currently on a mission to collect as many ex husbands as possible and daughter has frankly had enough of the constant "new man" being introduced. Ex won't spend any time with any of the kids they're merely a pay check, the eldest face times me when she's stuck on homework etc I always help because her mum tells her to get lost.

I buy her clothes despite having paid £200 a month more than csa said I had to for 6 years. I now post her toiletries inc feminine products because her mum won't buy them because she never has any money. Despite wearing all the latest designer clothes herself.

Ex has maintained I don't stand a chance and no court in the land will separate the children, I've stated in my parent plan that the children will be together EVERY weekend as eldest will visit her one weekend and other 2 will visit "us" the next. Daughter is confident, mature and desperate to put her feelings to cafcass expressing all the info I've said above.

I am a calm person and believe I am simply passing on to the legal system the wishes of my daughter. I've never once instigated chat about her living with me, it's always been daughter asking. Only 3 months ago ex asked me if she could move abroad with the kids, and 4 months ago asked if she could send eldest daughter to boarding school because there was no bond with her.

Basically the sole existence of those kids in their mums life is to supply a pay check. Youngest 2 have never shown an interest in changing the staus quo and as such this is only for my eldest, however I'd like to make it clear that if ever the others wanted to move too I would support it. But again same as with the eldest I don't ask them, not ever.

I'm intrigued to know what you guys think. C100 is going in on Friday hand delivered to the court. I've not got legal representation and believe that based on the facts and the voice of my daughter I don't really need to say a lot. Daughter is desperate to scream from the rooftops where she wants to be.

The biggest problem I should add is that she will have to change schools, but this something she's MORE than happy to do and we have her a place in her step brothers class, something she's requested and really happy about.

Any thoughts gratefully received.

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68145

Would also like to know what ppl have to say about this and sorry to hijack your topic but im in the same boat except my daughter is 8 my son 11 what are our chances im actually scared for my daughter as her mother will grill her once she says she wants to be with me

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68153

Hackett wrote: Evening guys, I did put a post up before which was slightly lead by emotion and since then things have calmed and facts have emerged. I'm intrigued to know your thoughts.

Here's the facts. I have 3 children from the same marriage, eldest daughter has relentlessly expressed her desire to live with me, Ex wife has agreed to it twice but on both occasions has stopped it because she can't afford to maintain her lifestyle with the cut in maintenance and state benefits if daughter lives with me.

Daughter is heartbroken and asked me to do whatever it takes, I've been for an MIAM now which ex expressed plainly she would not attend nor would she attend any further mediation. Mediator has signed off my C100 ready to proceed to court.

Ex wife is currently on a mission to collect as many ex husbands as possible and daughter has frankly had enough of the constant "new man" being introduced. Ex won't spend any time with any of the kids they're merely a pay check, the eldest face times me when she's stuck on homework etc I always help because her mum tells her to get lost.

I buy her clothes despite having paid £200 a month more than csa said I had to for 6 years. I now post her toiletries inc feminine products because her mum won't buy them because she never has any money. Despite wearing all the latest designer clothes herself.

Ex has maintained I don't stand a chance and no court in the land will separate the children, I've stated in my parent plan that the children will be together EVERY weekend as eldest will visit her one weekend and other 2 will visit "us" the next. Daughter is confident, mature and desperate to put her feelings to cafcass expressing all the info I've said above.

I am a calm person and believe I am simply passing on to the legal system the wishes of my daughter. I've never once instigated chat about her living with me, it's always been daughter asking. Only 3 months ago ex asked me if she could move abroad with the kids, and 4 months ago asked if she could send eldest daughter to boarding school because there was no bond with her.

Basically the sole existence of those kids in their mums life is to supply a pay check. Youngest 2 have never shown an interest in changing the staus quo and as such this is only for my eldest, however I'd like to make it clear that if ever the others wanted to move too I would support it. But again same as with the eldest I don't ask them, not ever.

I'm intrigued to know what you guys think. C100 is going in on Friday hand delivered to the court. I've not got legal representation and believe that based on the facts and the voice of my daughter I don't really need to say a lot. Daughter is desperate to scream from the rooftops where she wants to be.

The biggest problem I should add is that she will have to change schools, but this something she's MORE than happy to do and we have her a place in her step brothers class, something she's requested and really happy about.

Any thoughts gratefully received.


How old is your eldest?

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68155

  • Hackett
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She is 12 years and 6 months.

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68173

  • Yoda
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Hi Hackett

Firstly I would make your position regarding your other 2 children clear in your C100.

Once you have submitted your application and a hearing has been listed you will receive a telephone appointment for an interview with CAFCASS. They will produce a safeguarding letter and recommendations for the court for the first hearing. Due to the nature of your application and your daughter's age the most likely outcome of the first hearing will be for CAFCASS to carry out a Section 7 Welfare Report.

The Section 7 will involve separate face to face interviews for you and your ex and the children. Quite often the children are spoken to in a neutral environment such as school or the CAFCASS offices.

Given your daughter's age, her wishes will carry a lot of weight. Things like having solid contact proposals for her realtionship with siblings and mother, school place sorted etc will go in your favour. The negative aspects will be separating siblings and changing schools. Ultimately, your daughter's wishes should be paramount.

It is wise to produce a short position statement for the first hearing, no longer than 2 to 3 pages, a bit of background, what it is you are asking the court to do and your reasons for this. You will be asked to submit a full witness statement at a later date. If you need help with this, drop one of us moderators a private message and I'm sure we can find someone to help you with that.

There's plenty of support to be had via the forum, check through the stickies at the top of the Legal Eagle section.

You could also attend a Families Need Fathers branch meeting in your area where you can get support and guidance from McKenzie Friends or other parents in similar positions.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Good luck

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68197

  • Yoji
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At 12 it will carry a lot of weight. Be warned however that your ex is more than likely to make surprise accusations eg he's brainwashed her and similar.

As long as you can demonstrate the things you claim it is relatively straight forward to obtain residency.

Out of curiosity what area are you from?

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68198

  • Hackett
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Yeah she's more than happy to tell cafcass and anyone else who will listen that she wants to be at mine. And I've got several texts to show its never me that instigates these chats

I live in Shropshire.

Thanks for your reply and Yoda for yours.

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68200

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You are pretty close to me.

Keep us up to date on progress, if it is how you say your ex is using the children as a meal ticket there may be a lot of resistance.

If you need help with writing your statement post back if I comes to that and we will help
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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68217

  • Hackett
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Thanks Yoji. I feel like I have so much to say and yet my c100 doesn't say a lot. I've attached a parent plan to the court paperwork but it's merely my proposal for the kids seeing each other every weekend, typed on word and then stalled to the back. I have kept all negative comments off the c100 and kept it fact based, primarily about how it was daughter wishes that this be persued through the courts and I wholeheartedly support her. I've also mentioned that she is keen to discuss her wishes with cafcass.

With the help of this forum I feel more than prepared for cafcass phone call, I also know my ex wife will shout a lot, and be completely unprepared. I will be in touch.

Cheers

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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68233

  • actd
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Hi Hackett

Your daughter is pretty much getting to an age where, if she runs away from her mother and comes to your house, the police are likely to call round and speak to your daughter, and as long as they are happy she's safe, they'd be reluctant to take her back to her mothers, and even if they did, if she did it again, they'd probably leave her with you, and you could then apply to court to have her live with you.
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So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68238

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Hi Hackett,
I'm wondering whether ACTD is right on this one. It strikes me that a court will be reluctant to intervene in a situation that is not going wrong (in an overt way: your kids still attend school, get housed, clothed and fed and are not at risk) and CAFCASS is notoriously biased in favour of mothers. Your eldest daughter's wishes will be heard (but still may be ignored by CAFCASS), but if she votes with her feet it would be very difficult for your ex-wife to claim her (and the benefits she brings from you and from the state).
In 3 years your daughter will be an adult and able to decide where she wants to live, and as she approaches 16 it will be hard to stop her moving to live with you if she wants to (and that may be better for everyone in the end). In the meantime I'm not sure it is worth trying to persuade a court to separate siblings, unless one wants to leave in a very overt way (just an opinion, which is what you asked for).
Best wishes,
O

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Last Edit: by othen. Reason: Typo

So guys rate my chances-full residency of daughter 3 years 11 months ago #68239

I definitely haven't experienced this before but instinctively I am with Actd and Othen on this one.

Action speaks louder than words, if she gradually starts moving over to your place, should it go to court or the police get involved (doubt they would want to as you are their father who is actively involved), there is little that your ex can do. Besides she wanted to send her to a boarding school, right?

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