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TOPIC: Being denied access to my daughter

Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69628

Hi all. Where do I start..

I split with me ex partner on the 2nd October 2015, well she kicked me out after 10 years together.. It all started going wrong at the beginning of the year because I accused her of having an affair reason being is she stopped my daughter using her phone for games,put a lock on the phone,slept with the phone under the pillow and kept vanishing for hours with no explanation, any way we had a break at the beginning of June for 7weeks where there was no issue with me seeing my daughter, we went to lanzarote in August for two weeks where all 3 of us had a great time, I moved back in and everything seemed fine a couple of minor arguments but nothing major..on the 25th of September she asked for jeans 65, coat 50, top 20 and 40 to finish her tattoo off which I gave her the money for all of it, otherwise the 1St October we spoke about Christmas and presents for our daughter.
On the 2nd of October I finished work Early and thought I would surprise her with some new cushion floor, I fitted it and when she came home she hit the roof shouting and swearing that I should of asked permission and that I wasted money. Then to my surprise she phoned the police, they arrived spoke to me and her and advised me to go awaybforvone hour or two so she can calm down..which I did.
I returned late afternoon bathsheba wasn't there,the hours passed until I decided I'm going to bed 11p just as I got in bed the police rang and told me to leave otherwise I will be arrested which I did..went round Saturday to talk but wouldn't let me in the house so I asked if I could see our daughter which she said foff and took my photo.
Went round Sunday still no joy again took my photo
Went Monday and Tuesday still the same, then on the Wednesday 7th she messaged me asking for money as she didn't have enough for the mortgage so I transferred £200

Went round on the Thursday but still wouldn't let me in, again taking my photo.
Her mom then messages my mom on Friday afternoon stating that I can see my daughter on Saturday, then literally 5 minutes later I was issued a non molestation order stating domestic violence and she was in inniment danger!!
I felt sick as I have never laid a finger on her only when I would have to push her off me when she would lunge during a. Argument, don't get me wrong I'm no Saint and I admit I did call her some horrible names but for being in danger was absolute nonsense..

I went to family court on the 19th to see if I wanted to contest it and put my side of the story, I had no solicitor and only spoke for about 5 minutes where I stated it was lies and parts was twisted to benefit her, as I couldn't afford to contest it. I said all I'm bothered about is seeing my daughter who is 8 and that we was very close, and I have no need To go by the house apart from collecting my belongings
I managed to get part of the order changed so I could contact her by txt only regarding arrangements for our daughter and any updates on school etc.

So I messaged Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday asking to see our daughter,and how was she getting on at school etc but no reply..
So like a idiot I phoned once, never spoke as she put the phone Down, yes I fell into her trap, I was arrested at 7pm Thursday night, locked up for 13hrs before being escorted to court on the Friday, where it was adjourned to the 17th November so probation could do a presentation sentence report, I was treated like a criminal when all I wanted was to see my daughter,I was heartbroken..

I contact a solicitor on the 26th October where we went through my options,she wrote to the ex asking for contact and gave her a deadline of the 4th November, guess what no reply yet and I imagine she won't, so looks like court proceedings, how I'm going to pay for it God knows but she is my daughter and will do anything to see her.

How some women can get away with lie after lie and then use our daughter as a weapon is inexcusable.. God knows how long it will be before I see her, I'm dreading Christmas not being able to see her face when she opens her presents or giving her a kiss...heartbreaking..

If anyone can give me advice I would appreciate it..

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Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69636

  • Yoda
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Hi there

Welcome to the forum and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, we have quite a few members here with similar stories so you have come to the right place to get advice and support.

Unfortunately, as your solicitor seems to have advised you - an application to court to see your daughter might be the only option left. Court is a stressful and difficult but it isn't as daunting as it seems and doesn't have to cost a fortune. Plenty of our members self rep or use a solicitor for parts of the process to save on legal bills. Have a look through the stickies at the top of our Legal Eagle section where you will find a lot of information on court.

It might be worth attending a Families Need Fathers branch meeting in your area where you can find help and support as well as meet other parents in a similar position to yourself.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Good luck and keep posting, we will try to help where we can.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69664

  • Dec
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Hello and welcome.

Your situation in parts sounds similar to mine. We were both led into a trap but that trap is only obvious after. She knew what she was doing.

I've got to say to you this is unlikely to be a quick fix. I know its hard I've missed 4 Xmas and birthdays but it is unlikely you will get to see your child this year. It's going to be extremely upsetting for you but you must not do anything silly otherwise your going to face further delays.

She will use everything against you now. Every text message you send she will print off. Stop sending texts immediately. Soon she will start to build a harassment case. Texting her will not achieve anything. She won't suddenly change her mind and if she does be very wary as it will be an attempt to screw you over.

Right so first thing you need to do is to attend mediation. She won't attend but you have to do it. Can someone explain to me why the need for mediation when the other party faces no penalties for not attending? Seems crazy someone can't apply to court unless they have attempted mediation but the other party gets away with it. Just seems an unnecessary obstacle. So get your form stsmped and get it submitted to court asap.

You will then get a telephone interview with Cafcass. Focus on the child not your relationship. First court hearing will come and it's very unlikely contact will be ordered or agreed with all these allegations. Then your going to face numerous hearings going over these allegations and not make any progress. In my experience there is a court hearing every 6-12 weeks. In the end the judge will have enough of allegations with no foundation and will try to move things on. But you are realistically looking at a year tbh. I may be wrong but the court process is not a quick process. They have to do all there checks and reports completed etc.

Did you not find it a little suspicious she was taken photosof you? She was trying to get her evidence. Just don't make the same mistakes again.

Final bit of advice is domestic violence in any form is not an automatic bar to contact. Many women think it is and that's why they play this card. My partners ex partner has a conviction of assault against her and there is a shared residence order in place and I've been to prison but just about to achieve contact with my children hopefully. These things just delay things. You need to show the court your sorry and make changes and that you are a good parent.

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Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69667

Hi Dec,,

Thanks for your advice, I haven't contacted the ex for a couple of weeks now, and yes I should of been more clued up when she was taking the photos, but when your emotions are running high you just don't seem to think logically,
Although I have not seen my daughter we have still maintained contact through WhatsApp, where my daughter has sent me messages saying I luv you daddy, and miss u, it breaks my heart the a person can be so selfish in using our child in such away, to me that's child abuse..

I believe that her case worker is telling her what to do, and I know for a fact it was the case worker who told her not to allow me access, one of our friends told me this yesterday and she also told her that she wants to take it further regarding me seeing my daughter, because she is now claiming I'm unstable because I broke the non molestation order which is utter nonsense, emotional yes but unstable definitely not!!

My ex is very clever obviously she has been planning this for some time, but I will spend every penny I have to prove what a lying, manipulative, self centered person she really is..I know I will get contact with my daughter eventually that's if She has not poisoned my daughter mind against me..

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Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69668

Dec hit the nail on the head!

Woman think that by doing this they will stop us access to our children!

My ex her solicitor had a REALITY CHECK when we was in court last month.

At the time I was due to go on trial for assaulting her, and she so badly tried to use this and say i am a danger and she does not want me to have any contact at all, not in a contact centre not supervised nothing at all.

The judge had one look at the evidence in front of him and simply said "How does this make him a danger to the child", "There is no evidence suggesting he is a danger to the child", "the charges are not against the child".

They tried to find all sort of excuses but the judge dismissed everything and ordered section 7 reports etc and ordered in the interim i can have my child every Saturday through to Sunday until final hearing in January where I hope to secure 50/50 shared care. Funny enough CAFCASS were present and supported this.

The judge made it clear:
1. No contact centre is required
2. No supervision is required
3. I have no restrictions with my child
4. This will remain in place regardless of the outcome of my trial

My ex and her solicitor were gobsmacked to say the least.

Since then the trial has concluded and yes i was found guilty and hit with a 2 year restraining order, but this will not stop my campaign, i am still hopeful for the final hearing and positive my daughter will get the outcome she truly deserves.

keep on fighting and while the RO and Non mol is in place, my best advice is to find a range of family members or independent childminders to do handovers at a public place.

I currently have 4 people on rota, my mum, my sister, my aunt and my uncle, who are all happy and willing to do the handovers for as long as necessary, the judge was impressed with this as it means I dont need to see or talk to my ex hence keeping in line with the non mol and now added RO and shows my daughter has vast family support from my side.

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Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69669

Hi Craig,

That is exactly what the ex is hoping for, relying on domestic violence as reason why I should not be granted contact, but I have countless witnesses who can clarify what a good dad I have been...I even have messages off our holiday friends who we use to meet up with every year, saying how they thought she wore the trousers and how she would belittle me and insult me in front of others and that they thought I was scared of her!!!

Excellent news that you got contact with your daughter, I bet that wiped the smile off her face!!!

How long did the whole process take just to get to that stage?
Did you self rep or use a solicitor?

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Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69670

I have been in and out of court since June 2014, after 6 months of not seeing my daughter, missed her first birthday, christmas etc. January 2015 I thought it was over, i managed to agree 50/50 access with the mother, maybe she was feeling guilty who knows.

But this July things boiled over and she trapped me, and put me in a very difficult situation, where I was charged with assaulting her. Co-incidentally this was when I was due to have my daughter for 3 weeks (half the holidays).

She obviously stopped contact so I had to get the court process going again, but instead of the normal submit an application and wait 4-6 weeks even longer sometimes, I requested an emergency court hearing so we were in court in a matter of days. This option cost me £1500 but i was in court quickly and contact was reinstated rather quickly. (This is a cheeky way into getting quick court dates, in days literally)

I am not against self rep but my thing is this, if you have the means to pay for representation then do it. I dont believe I could have got this result any other way, There was a lot done behind the scenes that you just cannot do if you self rep.

But there are many people that have had fantastic results self repping so it is certainly worth doing if you cannot afford legal representation.

Feel free to PM me and we can talk properly

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Being denied access to my daughter 3 years 8 months ago #69671

CRAIGMCD I have pm you..Cheers

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