TOPIC: Non molestation order vs enforcement order!

Hi all,

I had a child access court order in place around this time last year, the ex made several accusations and wanted me to have v minimal contact but I was glad to see I came away with a (relatively) reasonable order in comparison to the terms she wanted!

Lots of promises and indications that we would both work at building upon the order and use it as a bare minimum but within a few months the ex wanted to only allow the least contact she could and Several times broke the order or was extremely inflexible (turning contact phone off 1 minute either side of the 1 hour set for call times) and also used my son as the one to negotiate and communicate when needed despite that being against all advice.

An argumentive called was followed by a solicitors letter making accusations of verbal abuse and threats of a non molestation order.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago and after a contact visit I received an email listing questions and concerns.....They were about minor issues like the fact curtains had needed to be be taken down, a delivery of a new bed being delayed meant he slept on sofa cushions and that she felt he shouldn't eat porridge!

The tone was very patronising and petty....The real issue was he had mucky trainers!

I essentially replied explaining these were not to be worried about and being dealt with.....I apologised for the trainers and pointed out porridge was better than chocolate cereal he has there!

She felt my response was "unnecessary " and stopped all telephone and face to face contact. I sent emailed called and sent 3 texts over period of 1 week and in last ones I pointed out I would have to seek an enforcement order. I then received a solicitor letter again suggesting harassment and abuse and again suggested if I made any contact a non molestation order would be requested. New "concerns" which are again ludicrous have been listed but either way all are related to contact overnight yet telephone calls have also stopped!

Her solicitor said communication must be through hI'm yet I have had no response to 3 emails I have sent asking how we can restart contact.

In meantime I have been given date for enforcement hearing as 22nd December!

I just want some kind of contact with my son, she has said some horrible things to him about me in the past and I am sure she must have again. He has never gone 3 weeks without speaking to me.

If her solicitor isn't replying is it worth me writing a short polite email to her? How much grounds for this non molestation order does she need and does it even matter seeing as we need only occasional email contact anyway about dates etc.

Sorry to ramble but any help appreciated, I have no money for solicitors so am on my own what ever I do!

You and I are in pretty much the same situation, well with some differences.

If she made an ex-parte non-mol application, you should have been served for it to become effective. A hearing is listed within 14 days. This might sound crazy but an application by your Ex for a non-mol enables an earlier hearing date!

In my opinion, I would hold back contacting her nor solicitor, try indirect contact with your son by means of cards and letters and small presents addressed to him, you need to show that you have maintained some link. Visiting school or childminder to know what's he been up to etc. There's no guarantee that he would get it but you've done your part and sends a clear message that you are not going away.

It's all down to control, she want to be the powerful one which is translated to hostility to contact. My Ex wanted to know every lady I was in contact with before she would let me see my kids - imagine! Our problem remains that she would not agree to increasing overnight from 1 to 3 nights and half the holiday with xmas coming up. I essentially need a court order that removes all decision-making from her, at least the most important times are strongly dealt with.

I have submitted a very detailed CAO, using the school / childminder for handover so should I be successful then I will have more than 3 nights every other weekend plus midweek and little or no contact with her.

Annoying that court date is far into December, perhaps ring the court office to see if they could give you an earlier date

Goodluck

21.2
The Gatekeepers shall list any application for enforcement of a child arrangements order for hearing, before the previously allocated judge if possible, within 20 working days of issue. Enforcement cases should be concluded without delay.

That is the timescale as quoted in practice direction 12b so depending on when you were given this date, it might be worth contacting the court to ask if an earlier date is possible.

I would say don't contact her by email at this stage. If you feel you must contact, then a polite email is the only option, however if she is trying to build a case for a non mol I would advise not contacting her.

Let us know if we can offer further assistance. Good luck

..my advice would be not to contact her except via the solicitor as requested, regardless of others tongue in cheek advice you really don't need a non mol and as one has been threatened formally you need to take heed!

It's infuriating when all you want is to speak and see your child but it is now really important you follow procedure and put your court head on. Don't stop communicating through the solicitor even though they are not responding, just make sure you put it in writing and always keep copies.

From the list of "issues" I don't think the court will see any of those as any kind of reason to prevent contact.

Many Dads here self represent, it's very doable and we have many successes, we will do as much as we can to advise and support you.

I agree with the above, don't contact her directly as it will only cause more trouble for you in the long run. If her solicitor isn't replying to email, then I would write a letter and send it recorded - there's something about a letter that's just that bit harder to ignore, and recorded means you have proof it arrived (keep a copy of the letter, and the proof of posting/receipt). If you get no response, then I would contact the law society to see if you can complain about the lack of response (not necessarily answering your question - just simply a lack of any response) and consider going back to court for enforcement of the original order.

Thanks everyone i think my account was playing up as i didn't think my post had actually gone live or received any replies!!

Still no response from her solicitor after 5 emails it has been 6 weeks since contact now and no sign of contact starting again.

One big question is I received the paperwork relating to the hearing on the 22nd and they had sent me one copy of the application I submitted however do I serve ex and her solicitors with copies of this or will the court have done this already I have no idea can't quite find clarification on this and obviously don't want to make a mistake in the process!

A letter from cafcass arrived today so obviously the court has notified them. Do they notify the other parties though?

If you have only received one copy back, it's likely the courts have already served the paperwork. You can call them to check if you're unsure, each court has different admin procedures.

Cafcass will notify your ex themselves. You don't need to anything else now. It might be worth preparing a short position statement for the hearing, laying out a bit of background, what it is you would like the court to and why. No longer than 2 to 3 pages and take 4 copies with you to the hearing. One for the court, one for your ex, one for cafcass if they attend and one for yourself.

Good luck

Appreciate that.

Second guessing is dangerous I know but why on earth would her solicitors not reply?
Also I can't understand her not reinstating telephone contact at least.....It breaks the order and is not something that can be justified in any way. Surely a solicitor wouldn't advise this approach?!

Solicitors act upon their clients instructions so you have no way of knowing what she has told them to do or not do. They might not even still be working for her, Make sure you let the court know what has happened and the judge will advise the next steps.

Good luck

Yoda - are the solicitors legally obliged to tell the courts if they stop acting? I've no idea if this is the case or not.

In addition, if they had stopped acting for her, I would expect them to write a letter to you telling you that as it's in their best interests not to receive letters and emails from you that they can't charge time for.

If the assumption is that they are still acting for her, then I would say that it's worth speaking to the law society about complaining about their conduct - I really don't think they are acting professionally.

It has me baffled!

The guy is not the most endearing and tbh my solicitor found them v unprofessional and the courts didn't seem impressed by his tactics when we were getting CAO.

Even so....This behaviour just seems mad. Could it be because I am not contacting via a solicitors?

Could be, but I don't think there's any obligation for you to ask your solicitor to contact him. I would ask your solicitor if it is reasonable for you to contact him directly, as by doing so you are avoiding racking up unecessary legal expenses. Could be that she has got a cheap solicitor, and this is the result.