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TOPIC: Advise needed after Fact Finding

Advise needed after Fact Finding 5 years 2 months ago #70159

  • BMurkin
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As you may have read in my other thread findings were made against me in regards to physical violence and threats. However, I still maintain my innocence in regards to the physical. The wife had no solid evidence for this but due to my behaviour on the tape recording, where I threaten her, the judge made a finding for it based on balance of probability.

I now have a major problem.

I will never EVER admit to the physical but I did make threats. How do I express my self so that I come across as genuinely remorseful for the threats but not have it damaged by my denial of the physical. Its difficult. I feel like I've hit a wall.

I was thinking of writing...

"I am genuinely remorseful for my mistakes during the marriage. I accept that I have an anger issue, as evidenced by the tape recording, and I am keen to address this in the interest of my son. "

However, I know my wife, knowing that it will cause a block, will seek to get me to admit to the physical. How do I get around this and still appear sorry for my behaviour.

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Advise needed after Fact Finding 5 years 2 months ago #70161

  • Yoji
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See my other post to you. Courts get it wrong most of the time in my experience. Don't ever admit and don't send any letter.

The only thing I would say is to say in a hearing I made this after goading and a situation set up (very common and even I have been a victim of this where I was assaulted but because ex had a witness... Nothing happened). She made you angry and the fact its recorded shows a setup. Only say this however if the threat you made was in context.

The very last thing I could suggest is you acknowledging anger management may be an issue. This is not an admission of guilt just that emotion gets the better of us

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Advise needed after Fact Finding 5 years 2 months ago #70176

  • Yoda
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I agree with Yoji on this BM

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Advise needed after Fact Finding 5 years 2 months ago #70256

BM,

Indeed the courts get it wrong and mostly influenced by a momentary exhibition of emotions.

Findings have been made whether you admit or not. Having said that, it does help to focus your language more on the remorse side and willingness to change for your son's sake. The welfare checklist does take into account the "future", which includes every effort made to address the highlighted problems.

Blame shifting does not help neither. It's all about taking responsibility for what you did, even with mitigating factors. From my personal, I stress personal, experience saying, "I did it because..." doesn't help. It took me ages to understand it and just left it as "I did it (period)! Now let's move on..."

In my opinion, this is not a no-contact case and you've already done a fair bit of supervision already. In the meantime, to avoid being stuck in a centre, find a credible individual(s) to help with supervision in the community e.g. clergy, doctors, or anyone with a clean record. The child does not need to know them.

Cafcass will most likely speak to you again and read the findings if transcribed and require you do a DVPP or Anger Management class. Try to be the one to suggest attending a class rather than the Officer and also mention you would prefer contact progress while the class is attended without the need for unnecessary Direction hearings.

I would hold back on sending any letter until the other side suggest the next move, probably to remain in the contact centre.

With the FF now over and dealt with, Mum would have little to stall the case - gradually things would start swinging in your favour if she continues to be hostile to contact.

Good luck.

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Advise needed after Fact Finding 5 years 2 months ago #70279

  • Mojo
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Yoji wrote: See my other post to you. Courts get it wrong most of the time in my experience. Don't ever admit and don't send any letter.

The only thing I would say is to say in a hearing I made this after goading and a situation set up (very common and even I have been a victim of this where I was assaulted but because ex had a witness... Nothing happened). She made you angry and the fact its recorded shows a setup. Only say this however if the threat you made was in context.

The very last thing I could suggest is you acknowledging anger management may be an issue. This is not an admission of guilt just that emotion gets the better of us


...this is sensible advice BM. The FoF is over, yes the result is a set back, but as you already have nearly a year of supervised contact under your belt with no problems and the mothers admission that your son is happy with you, this should help you when asking for contact to progress. Propose a period of supported contact and then have suggestions for a responsible third party, family or close friend, to assist with contact moving into the community. :)

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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