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TOPIC: accusations of harassment

accusations of harassment 3 years 10 months ago #70887

Hi

Recently my ex has been accusing me of harassment. I've since contacted the Police myself and got them to log all details, however I have asked them not to make contact with her as yet to further investigate on my behalf...at least not before Christmas.

So my question, what constitutes harassment and what is considered 'reasonable' communication between parents in regards to our young child?

I am the child's biological Father and have parental responsibility, although he lives with his Mother. At present I usually see him one day a week and the Mother and family seem to treat me like a sperm donor and one day a week babysitter rather than his Father. Recently I have been pushing for a more shared parenting approach, which kinda worked OK to a point, however it now seems she dislike me having parental opinions especially ones different to her own.

Any advice much appreciated.

Thanks in advance

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accusations of harassment 3 years 10 months ago #70893

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Hi there

...in answer to your question about what constitutes harrassment, very little I'm afraid, or at least it seems that way from what other members here have experienced.

If she has asked you not to email or text her and you continue to do so, this can be enough. You must be very careful if she has started to accuse you of this as she could easily escalate this and get an injunction against you. I may be cynical but this can be a pre emptive move on a resident parents part, to take control and to limit contact, or at least make it a lot harder to achieve more access.

I think you have two options now she has made it difficult for you to speak to her normally. The first would be to write to her formally and request that the contact you have is increased and include a schedule of increasing contact for her to agree to. Keep the letter civil but make it clear that if agreement can't be reached that you will be looking into mediation and if that fails, an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order for defined contact. State that if you haven't heard back from her within 14 days you willhave no choice but to attend mediation with a view to court action.

The second option would be to go straight to mediation as a means of reaching agreement. There is a charge for this service, if it fails or she refuses to attend, your next step would be to apply to court.

www.nfm.org.uk

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

accusations of harassment 3 years 10 months ago #70915

with regards to the Harassment the fact you've spoken with police did they log it and give you an incident number?

if you can ensure all communication with your ex or her family is via text or email / letters where you can keep a copy to prove your version of events should she contact the police regarding harassment.

harassment was explained to me as: Any unwanted contact with another person....i.e. verbally, texts, email, letters etc...

I had an agreement in place via court that the only thing we would discuss outside of the court room was to do with the sale of the house at the time....not to discuss or speak about our child.....I got contacted by the estate agents 3 times in 4days regarding they couldn't get a reply from the ex regarding a viewing they wanted to arrange at the house.
I sent 4 messages over 4days about the estate agents trying to contact her and would she contact them back.

at 8pm that last evening the police came knocking on my door trying to give me a verbal harassment warning....I refused to accept it...showed the officers my phone with the messages....then the court paper work that stated only message about house only!......
the police agreed the messages were not threatening or harassing in nature and left to go see her about wasting police time.

needless to say sh*t hit the fan and she then tried again via a higher police officer at the DV unit to get a harassment warning against me......again I showed the evidence....asked to speak with her supervisor and again was told its not harassing....I asked for a copy of the officers notes for the first incident and the meeting with the 2nd lot....took a few weeks but it was well worth the wait

in the midst of all this there had been another court hearing and the ex tried to claim in that one that i'd been issued with harassment warnings.....which when I produced the police officers notes the judge threw out her allegations one by one!

keep records of everything - just in case!

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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!

accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #70988

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brilliantly handled, and she really shot herself in the foot there :)

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accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71015

Thanks everyone for all the advice and for sharing similar experiences. It's unfortunate that it's necessary to keep records of communications :( in my own experience that also seems to further damage the communications.

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accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71020

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....I agree, it is unfortunate, but in my experience it is a necessary evil and the most important thing is to protect yourself from falling foul from continued accusations.

Keeping records is something that the other party doesn't have to know about, but it would come in useful if you were to find yourself in court in the future.

Best of luck.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71131

before my child was born the ex said i had harrased her and the cops gave me a pins notice, which i have been told can not be used at all in courts,

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accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71141

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I've heard that before, but if your ex decides to mention it in court then it's out there. I'm pretty sure CAFCASS can also mention it when making a report for the court....but I could be wrong, I'll see what I can find out.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71143

Good advice by Mojo. A PIN notice is just that - a notice. It notifies you that police have received an allegation that you have been causing someone alarm or distress on one occasion.

For criminal offence of harassment to be complete you have to be guilty of causing someone alarm or distress on two or more occasions - the two or more is the test used to prove a "course of conduct".

So a PIN notice is like a yellow card - a warning. It is not a conviction and cannot be used in court.

It is used for police records, proof the alleged offender has been made aware of their actions and consequences if behaviour continues and to prove if a similar allegation of harassment is made down the line then the course of conduct is completed and offence of harassment completed.

Hope this helps

Police have to investigate all allegations and its easy for ex partners to make malicious reports. So take Mojos good advice above

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Last Edit: by Carlin.

accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71144

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The court tend to take little notice if it's a 'he said she said situation' but as has already been said, any allegations may require further investigation.

The best bet at this stage I feel, is as Mojo has advised - mediation to see if you can reach some agreements.

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71185

Is a Pin notice applied only in England? Reason I ask is I have involved Police 3 times against my ex who has harassed me for 3 years via text, email, phone calls and now because he has been blocked from all these means of communication has started to write me letters and send texts to my Son's phone. I live in Scotland. I've had a lawyer involved and at one point he started to harass me thru her too so I had to get rid of the lawyer. The police have seen all the texts, emails, letters and listened to him calling me names on phone recordings but have told me the only thing I can do is take out a civil interdict with a power of arrest if I want it stopped because he's not threatening me! Whilst he doesn't frighten me, the constant harassment (because he can't accept I don't want him back and I've moved on) is very wearing and causes me anxiety. The police say until he does something to me, they are powerless. Incidentally I do not stop him seeing our son even tho I've been advised to because he plays mind-games with him and tries to use him as a messenger because I now refuse to communicate with him as he cannot stick to just discussing our son.

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accusations of harassment 3 years 9 months ago #71191

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I'm sorry but I don't know, you could give the Scottish Childrens Law centre a call and I'm sure they would be able to advise you further. Here's a link

www.sclc.org.uk

Best of luck :)

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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