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TOPIC: HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 3 years 4 months ago #71202

  • craigmcd
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I know it has been a while since i last posted, 2015 has been a real roller coaster!

But let me get straight to it. I was convicted of assault by beating my ex and she tried to use this to destroy my great relationship with my child. She wanted to cease all contact on the basis i was a violent thug and danger to the child.

The judge in my case was excellent, and although i was represented by a wonderful barrister which made things easier, she was able to show the judge that i am no danger to the child and my conviction was against the mother and not the child.

After a wonderful section 7 report confirming they did not believe i was a danger to the child despite my recent conviction of assault and fully endorsing a 50/50 shared care arrangement, my last hearing in December turned out to be my final hearing and i got exactly word for word what i asked for, it couldn't have gotten any better!

I now have exact 50/50 shared care of my child. The mother could see where this was going, so decided to give in and accept the section 7 report along with my other requests.

To all fathers in this child custody struggle, the best advice i can give is:

1. Never give up, someone has to run out of steam eventually, don't let it be you!

2. As soon as you enter the court room whether you are being represented or not, press for the other parent(usually the mother) to
attend a spip's course. It was a game changer for my ex. It opened her eyes. All this battling and conflict effects the child greatly,
and that course really shows you that. Even the meanest of ex's must have a reality check after that course.

3. Child proof your home, for those that want overnight, the child must have a bedroom to sleep

4. Be polite with social workers and cafcass, and speak only of the child's best interest

5. Show stability, security, nourishment and love and affection towards your child

I want to inspire you to continue your fight into 2016, and if i can do it, you certainly can.

I still actively have a non molestation order and a restraining order running back to back. So don't let these stop you, because it didn't stop me.

I am living proof you can still make it work despite your issues, there is always a way round it

If anyone needs advice feel free to pm me anytime

Thanks and good luck to all

happy new year!!!!

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Last Edit: by actd. Reason: Change from upper case

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 3 years 4 months ago #71207

Absolutely awesome mate nice one great advice :)
The following user(s) said Thank You: craigmcd, vrondeg123

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 3 years 4 months ago #71581

Amazing! What an outcome for you. I am about to have a section 7 done. The last one I had cafcass would not support contact. I am not domestically violent, but had a violent past when I was younger. I got in trouble and was on bail at the time of the last section 7. I waited till after the trail to apply for contact again so I could prove I was innocent of the assault. I was found not guilty but cafcass still wanted all the statements which are not pretty but it's almost 2 years old now and o haven't been in trouble again since. I'm panicking the results will be same as last time even though I was proved not guilty, your results give me hope.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 3 years 4 months ago #71790

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Keep the hope alive!

The fact that you were found not guilty makes things much easier and better for you.

But like I have said, its about the danger/risk you pose to the child. All you need to prove is that you are no danger to the child.

What are your current child arrangements?

Depending on your past, you havent really indicated how severe it is. You may want to consider anger management courses. Dont wait for them to tell you to do it.

Keep focused on the child throughout your section 7, tell them that you wish to have a good relationship with your ex in the future and you have no animosity towards her. Be realistic and tell them what you want making sure its in the best interest of the child not yourself. If you havent seen your child in a long while then talk about building contact over time, supervised then moving to unsupervised. If your ex cant meet you in person offer third party to collect and drop off child, ideally grandparents or Aunties refrain from friends unless its mutual. (Start making your list now if you havent already).

Part of the section 7, they must observe you with your child. I dont know the age of your child but you need to prepare accordingly.

For example if your child is under 5 years, you may consider playing age appropriate games, singalong to popular nursery rhymes and reading books. You will find many more ideas online, But the key here is to show you know how to entertain, educate, love and care for your child. Have healthy food/snacks and drink available. Nappies, wipes etc, they will need to see all of this.

Obviously if you havent seen your child in ages then this may prove difficult but just do the best you can, and advise the person doing the report that you havent seen your child for so long so this part of the assessment should not really be considered until you have spent enough quality time with the child. You would think that they would know this.

I wish you the best of luck and please stay out of trouble, its not worth it mate, our ex's will do their best to use it against us

If you have any other questions dont hesitate to ask!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 3 years 3 months ago #72193

I'm in the exact same boat! I got my first court hearing this week and my ex reported in the Cafcass safeguarding report that I was violent, caused emotional abuse! So the Cafcass officer states only supervised contact to be arranged!

I will do whatever it takes to see my daughter as its been 3 months now. How long did it take for your section 7 to be complete?

It's been a tiring and stressful running and I thought it would be over by now but it's not!

Congrats to you though buddy!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 3 years 3 months ago #72199

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Thanks Blue and welcome to the forum

Yes its a stressful process indeed. In my case the judge ordered a section 7 in September and allowed until December for it to be completed. So a good 3 months.
Depending on what you require from the courts is dependant on how you prepare for such report.

In my case i wanted 50/50 shared care, so I had to demonstrate how it would work. Safe secure home with child's own bedroom, past contact with child, current bond with child, work commitments, family support network etc.

If you have already been having unsupervised contact like in my case, unless there is strong evidence to suggest you are a danger to the child then a judge would not stop contact on that basis. But since it has been 3 months already, if you are talking about a young child i.e 1-3 years of age then supervised will usually be the common practice as a child of that age is not likely to remember you and will struggle with contact after that length of time. If you havent already done so plan ahead and propose the supervised contact to suit you rather than going to court with nothing to suggest. Maybe a mutual friend or family member or maybe even the mother herself considering there is no restraining orders etc in place.

However hope is not lost the family court in regards to children is like an obstacle course, all you have to do is complete it and your child will get the contact he/she deserves with you.

Good luck

If you need me to expand on anything just let me know also feel free to PM me

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HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 2 years 5 months ago #79766

Hi Craig

Thanks for your encouraging post, I'm about to be interviewed by Cafcass under a very similar situation, conviction for assault,
agreed undertaking to court not to contact ex apart through friend/solicitor.

I have first hearing scheduled in a weeks time and was advised that a schedule 7 is likely to be ordered.

Am currently looking at taking Mckenzie friend as previous hearings for non mol/occupation order have drained me financially.

Obviously I want to prove to the court that I am not in any way a danger to my child, contact was previously agreed and arranged by ex's solicitor then withdrawn
for no reason.

Just wanted to ask if you had any other advice for preparation for 1st hearing.Should I draft Position statement etc?

I did not put that I wanted interim contact on c100, can I ask for this at hearing?

How long from conviction did contact take place? Did you have to attend contact centre initially?

Thanks in advance for any help advice you can give.

Cheers

D

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HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! JUST SOME INSPIRATION TO GIVE! 2 years 5 months ago #79785

  • Mojo
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Hi there

I'm not sure if craigmcd visits the forum often, the last post was almost 10 months ago now.

It's a good idea to prepare a short position statement for the first hearing, giving a little background, your concerns and what you would like to happen. If you use the search tab at the top right f the page and type in position statements, it should bring up previous threads where you'll find info and templates....if you have any problems just ask and I'll link something for you.

It's a pity that you didn't include asking for an interim order in your application, of course you can ask for it to be considered, but whether they will address it depends on the judge/court adviser and the time constraints. You could write and request that it is given consideration at the hearing...email would be quicker.

Due to the NMO it's highly likely that your contact will begin in a contact centre, courts will always err on the side of caution where a child's safety is concerned. I would go with that in mind and perhaps some information about contact centres near to your ex. Here's a link to their website, which you may find useful

www.naccc.org.uk

Best of luck for next week.

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

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