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TOPIC: Holidays (again)

Holidays (again) 3 years 6 months ago #72220

  • Toks
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My son's mother is a desperately controlling person who, almost a year and a half on, is still seething at a Court Order that gave short shrift to her arguments, and imposed a significant increase on the pitiable amount of time my small son and I had been limited to by her. Recently, she informed me I needed to obtain her permission if I wanted 'extra time' with my son - I was attending a school event that parents had been invited to! I pointed out that 'school time' belonged to neither of us, but I was prepared to let her know when I would attend school events as long as she did the same. Seething silence and the sound of grinding teeth.

The catalyst for the trip to Family Court was her telling me she was taking our son abroad for a month, completely ignoring the weekly contact my son and I had at the time. She'd already bought the tickets, and that was that. Her response to my distress at the prospect of such a lengthy separation wasn't sympathy or empathy but anger at being challenged.

I'm planning to take my son abroard for a short trip to Europe during part of his defined time with me in the upcoming school holidays. I have given her two months notice of this. She is saying I need to have discussed this with her before I even bought the tickets. There's nothing in the Order which says I have to do this (simply the usual courtesy of giving the address and contact details of where he'll be staying), and to be honest I'm tired of this unrelenting and disrespectful control freakery.

My query is, as she's the 'Residential Parent' does this mean she is able to plan a holiday abroad wth our son and just tell me when she's sorted it out, but I need to 'have a discussion' before making any plans and buying tickets?

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Last Edit: by Toks. Reason: spelling error

Holidays (again) 3 years 6 months ago #72221

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Technically, no you don't and she doesn't either. 'Morally' there are always double standards.

If she refuses to hand over the passport, you can apply to the court for an urgent hearing for a Specific Issue Order so I would advise asking for the passports a week or two before the trip.

Best bet is to inform the other parent as soon as you can so that if they don't hand over the passport that you leave enough time for a court app. Court would expect either parent to give a reasonable amount of notice to the other of holiday plans.

With regard to her taking him on holiday, she should at least offer you some additional replacement contact and run things by you.

Good luck

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Holidays (again) 3 years 6 months ago #72228

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Thanks for your response Yoda - I thought as much.

One additional thing, she is 'requesting' that I pay for the cost of a new passport (his old one expired), as she paid for the first - which incidentally I was never allowed to even see. Is there a general expected practice on this? The passport will reside with her, so I will always have to go cap in hand for foreign travel with our son. I'm also currently overpaying her when it comes to maintenance, and have been for a year, since the full aspects of our Court Ordered Child Arrangements came in to place. I took the pragmatic decision that I would have continued paying the same if I'd gotten on very well with her, so resisted the temptation to reduce the rate just because I don't.

I always clearing understood CM covered everything: Nursery, Childminders, afterschool clubs - the lot. We do not have any arrangements for 'additional costs'. I say she 'requests' I pay for the passport, but her requests are usually demands in sheep's clothing, and has been couched as such in her email to me. I'm worried that caving in on this will open the floodgates to more 'requests'. This happened in the past,
What's the standard procedure?

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Holidays (again) 3 years 6 months ago #72234

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Perhaps say that the previous passport that she paid for was so that she was able to take your son abroad and as you were never given her consent to do the same you don't feel that the responsibility for paying for it rested with you. You could offer to pay half of the passport fee, on the understanding that the passport be made abvailable to you a month before any planned holidays that you and your son will be taking and get it in writing.

It would also be a good idea to take a copy of the order with you on holiday, on the off chance that you are questioned about leaving the country at passport control. Where only one parent travels with a child they can prevent travel if there is no written confirmation of consent to travel abroad.

Best of luck
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Holidays (again) 6 months 2 weeks ago #97147

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Hello Yoda,
I wonder if I can get some direct advice from you as a private message? I'm having a continual nightmare over the interpretation of various aspects of my son's court order with his mother,which is becoming very stressful that I'm tearful as I'm writing this. I need some help to find out what my options are.

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Holidays (again) 6 months 2 weeks ago #97150

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Hi Toks

I've replied to you. If mum is messing about with the order your only choice really is to send a letter requesting she complies with the order, or making an application for enforcement using a c79 form.

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