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TOPIC: Success, main residency.

Success, main residency. 3 years 1 month ago #76420

Even though this is my first post, I have been reading this forum for sometime with some great information.

Would like to give some words of encouragement, even though I fully understand that many Dads do suffer under the system, with over three years of being messed about and many attempts to restrict access to the bare minimum I did manage to get the main residency of my four year old son via the family court.

I realise that many fathers do come up against some shocking cafcass/social workers/judges they are not all like this. I cannot praise enough the child professionals in my case. They understood the situation I had and did a great job in identifying the issues involved.

Even though for three years there were many downs (a few days off from work with stress being one) and experienced many frustrations I knew that if I played it by the book my son's mother will finally show herself to be the least capable (understatement) parent.

In keeping every email (running into several hundred) being persistent in getting access, working with the agency's involved, attending every meeting, not showing the frustration but just highlighting them to the agencys, keeping a reasonable record of events, taking my son to nursery regularly it paid off.

I initially applied to the courts without any representation and acted for myself in the early stages but did get the services of a solicitor later on. I do feel that I could have achieved it without them but it does save a lot of time and stress in using one. Saying that it still is hard work if it is not a straight forward case, to which my situation wasn't. Social Services were involved.

When the judgement was handed down, I felt vindicated and relieved that it was finally over. The days later a sense of pride took over. Have to say I loved the two hour stint in the witness box, I finally had my opportunity to get everything out that happened for over three years and however hard my ex's barrister tried to "trip me up" I knew my case well and when the questioning came to an end I felt disappointed. I wanted more.

Anyway, thanks for the valuable information that many posters have written.

In giving something back to the forum...I have mentioned a few things but...

Keep as calm as you possibly can even if you don't feel like it
Be very amenable to all parties but don't give too much away
Be persistent in getting access, don't give up
Keep communications but do not show any frustrations in your communication. They will be used against you.
You still have a life to lead.

All the very best to you all.

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Last Edit: by Ethanhunt.

Success, main residency. 3 years 1 month ago #76424

Hi There,
.
Thank you for your post, it is great to hear success stories like these.
.
If you are able too please try and offer help to other members as and when you can, it's experience from others that make this forum the great resource that it is and it helps so many like yourself that maybe we don't even speak with.
.
GTTS

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Success, main residency. 3 years 1 month ago #76433

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Hi Ethan

That's quite a feat, transferral of residency rarely happens and you should be quite rightly proud of your achievements! Three years is a long time and it's hardly surprising that there have been downs which have impacted on your daily life....but you had the right attitude, you may have stumbled but you did fall!

You've given some great advice to our members about the importance of recording all events and working with the various agencies, even when their behaviour can be testing at times....you kept you eye on the goal and, maintained the higher ground and it paid off. Thank goodness your experience of these agencies was a positive one, they're not all bad in my experience, but there shouldn't be such a difference in the quality of service from area to area.

Self representing is doable, but many people use a solicitor towards the end and it probably gave you some much needed breathing space. There is no right way, some couldn't do it without a solicitor, some wouldn't go near one with a barge pole and some like you, did a bit of both. Each case is individual as are the people going through it .

It's great to hear that you found our forum a valuable tool during your journey...We have many people that come to the forum but stay in the background, so I'm glad you decided to post and let our members know about your success, it really helps and inspires others that are still on the road.

You're not the first member to get a buzz from speaking for yourself, Mr Slim also felt that same kind of elation when he was at court last time....fighting for someone you love and succeeding is empowering stuff!

I do hope you decide to stay around to share you experience with others, there's no better feeling than helping others..

All the best and I wish you and your little one lots of happiness going forward.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Success, main residency. 3 years 1 month ago #76444

Thanks for the words.

I was lucky with having such a great case worker involved and HV and nursery staff. Once again it is still imperative to keep on that higher ground at all times, even if the kitchen sink is thrown at you. The more calmness shown the more ridiculous the other party appears.

I did read all of Mr Slim's advice and took note.

I will certainly pop in now and again and hopefully post a few bits of information/advice. Will be reading a fair bit on the other sections of the forum as well.

To all those who are or will be going through the process....you can do it but keep as "clean" as possible.

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Success, main residency. 3 years 1 month ago #76462

Superb! pretty much word for word that's my thoughts on the situation absolutely fantastic advice please stick around and offer other dads your wisdom.

I've experienced the same I initially went to court for PR and contact 3 years ago and for the past 18 months I have had my daugher every friday until monday without fail even though mum and I have been getting on it still felt like she was in complete control.

last friday I applied for an emergency residency order and after 90 seconds in court the issued me with one and a pso attached It was a breeze compared to the previous 3 years I've been treated completely different this time round, back in court later this week and fingers crossed I will still be able to keep my girl but I'm pushing for complete custody and the mother to have regular contact and contact for my girl and her sister.

For the first time since my girl was born I am chilled and happy knowing my girl is finally safe , it's nice having control back of my girls life and mine :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Success, main residency. 3 years 1 month ago #76579

Wishing you all the best Mr Slim.

As proven by yours, mine and others on here...we males can and do get the results if played by the book and don't give up.

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Success, main residency. 2 weeks 5 days ago #100842

Not been here for a while but thought best to update to give fathers encouragement in the family court.

I had to take mother back to court to vary the order to reduce contact. I cannot go into details but she put our son at substantial risk.

On the first court date she lost further contact. It took two years, 7 court dates and many further meetings with social workers to sort out the issue due to mother was not putting son first but her own self interest that was a big risk to our son.

The final result left her with reduced contact due to her own bad decisions. She did, finally, make the right decision but by that time it was far too late. Her family spent tens of thousands on solicitors and barristers, I had to quit my job, due to increased child care requirements, and get a part time job. I have taken a big hit and had to go down the family tax credit route.

If she corrected her bad choice within a couple of months non of this would have occurred but she dragged it out for almost two years. She finally did it within a few days of the final hearing otherwise she would have lost all contact inside her own home. It was blindingly obvious to all involved what she needed to do, her legal team, the judge, the social workers and of course me.

I only sort out legal advice at the start of the application, due to previous experience in the family court, but in the long term, on the financial side, I lost out more because I had to quit my full time and reasonably paid job. Of course I get even more contact then before, even though I am the primary carer, but still the bottom line is important.

I, once again, had good experience with social services. I know that this is not the case for a lot of fathers but I could not fault them.

I will come on now and again to try to give out a little help, through my experience, where I can.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Bill337

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Success, main residency. 2 weeks 4 days ago #100845

hi ethan,

thanks for the encouraging post. i take it that it would have to be something very serious, for a mother to lose custody of the children. i have given little thought about switching jobs, maybe go part-time. but its just not feasible due to all the bills and what not.

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Success, main residency. 2 weeks 4 days ago #100850

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Thanks for the update Ethan, it’s good to hear about your positive experiences with Social Services, it certainly gives others hope of a fair outcome... there are good and bad in all big organisations.

Two years of stress and strain will soon be no more than a distant memory, and you and your son can get on with enjoying life again.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Success, main residency. 2 weeks 3 days ago #100854

Son would likely have been put in care if I did not act and no way would I let that happen even though it has caused long term financial damage. Live by week to week now but still made the right decision. Most cases, that fathers find themselves in, are general contact issues and fathers would need to balance the risk/benefit out on how much contact they want.

All told, it has been 5 out of 7 years of contact issues (first few years) and court cases. I do feel that now I have got respite from this and cannot see any further issues for the near future but, as my original solicitor said, it is never ending. There will always be issues even if it is not regarding residency/contact.

To fathers, if you need to battle...battle (calmly) and keep going but keep your focus on the end goal.

Would have liked to have known what happened to Mr Slim. Edit...just read his last comments. Looks like he is settled largely.

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Last Edit: by Ethanhunt.

Success, main residency. 2 weeks 3 days ago #100857

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...My son had to drop out of Uni when he got custody, he’s on a low income, but my grandson is safe and happy, which is priceless!

Mr Slim pops on from time to time, he has such a wonderful bond with his child and is a great Dad,

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Success, main residency. 2 weeks 1 day ago #100882

Mojo wrote: ...My son had to drop out of Uni when he got custody, he’s on a low income, but my grandson is safe and happy, which is priceless!


woah thats crazy. hope your sons doing alright. atleast he doesnt have to worry about paying child maintenance :)

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