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TOPIC: Dont know where to turn

Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77802

I would just like to say a big thank you to all of you that have taken the time to read my posts and I really appreciate all of your comments and replies , I really wish I had heard of you guys a lot sooner you have help me feel a lot better about things and although this is not over by a long shot I would still like to keep you all updated on progression. Once again thank you.

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Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77803

Pleased you feel a lot better.

We would all be very pleased if you would keep us updated as we take a great deal of interest as to how things progress for people.

You also may be able to help others because of the experiences you have gone through.

Keep posting as and when you want to.

Best wishes.

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Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77862

Well here we go again.
After having a nice weekend with the boys and taking them to school yesterday and then handing them back to their mother last night, the problems have risen their ugly head again last night. she has told me that she will not comply to the schedule i have been drawing up, but she has sent me one for October and November which i must comply to which is basically the same as what i had been doing where i have the boys on the middle 2 days of my 4 off. Thats fine, i don't have a problem with this as this is what i had suggested in the first place.
This morning i have received texts as follows;

You dictated August and September to me. Where in fact im the sole parent I know when its convenient for my children. Its not about it being convenient to you. If you want to spend time with them then its as above.
I:ll be sorting the schedules not you.
And **NAME*** will be calling you tomorrow as he wants to go to football. I said you'll have to ask your "father" darling as me and **NAME** pay for Mui Thai.
Do you know what he said to me- which tugs at my heart:
"oh mum but dad will say no he doesn't pay for anything for us"
I wish to god i filmed it for you to hear.
and if anything crops up on this schedule where as you'll need to collect them from school then i fully expect you as their "cough cough father" to do it.
plus i have a deed poll form here you need to sign. Archie wants his name changed. You have no righto stop him doing this. Its something we've really talked about.
Do you know what i would rather struggle and go without anything i need this month to let my little boy do football. He's so excited. We don't need you.

That is what i have had , this is constant and making me feel so sad and bad about myself, i am now thinking about going to the police to see what can be done about this constant nastiness.

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Last Edit: by got-the-tshirt.

Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77877

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I don't think the police would be able to do anything to stop it, yuu would need an order form court for that, but these messages she is sending won't show here in a good light in front of court, so make sure you keep them.

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Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77884

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Hi, as I said to you before - you need to set up mediation asap!

www.nfm.org.uk/

This has all the signs of becoming very nasty and your ex seems like she is not concerned about exposing your children to all of this.

Many of our members will tell you not to leave this dragging on, as it generally doesn't improve with an ex who is implacably hostile and this will have a direct effect on your kids and possibly their relationship with you.

You do not have to sign anything regarding your son's name, if she wants to change it then let her apply to court. Courts rarely allow a name change unless there is very good reason and the biological father is not on the scene.

Seriously, go to mediation. If she refuses to attend or she attends and it's apparent she won't be reasonable, the mediator can sign a C100 for you to apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order, it's not as scary as it sounds and will give your boys the certainty of your time together and minimise the contact you will have to have with her as a schedule would be laid out in an order.

She's already lied to the police, I would take that as an indication and warning to get this sorted asap as it rarely sorts itself out. I really think, the longer you leave this to continue, the worse she will get.

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77908

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Completely agree with everything that Yoda has said, she is so hostile and controlling and I can't see that changing voluntarily.

Once you take the first step, things may get worse for a while but you will feel better because you are taking back some control over your situation.

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77935

As already mentioned by others this situation is very unlikely to improve without a court order.

My ex started to use her surname for my son at nursery. I soon put a stop to it. Do not feel intimated and do not give up. The process may seem long at times and frustrating but fathers do come out of court with success especially if the mother's behaviour is that shown by those text messages.

I repeat what others have said. Keep the text messages and all communications. They will be very useful in court. Start a dairy, doesn't have to be in depth but add to it the times you have done the school run, Drs appointments, days out and the problems you are having.

Those text messages will show her in a very bad light in court and to cafcass (as long as you get a good one). I submitted to court many emails and some texts in my case and they were very damning. I will state the obvious though, make sure you do not succumb to bad texts or emails, not worth it however frustrated you may get.

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Dont know where to turn 3 years 4 months ago #77952

Hi There,
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I mirror exactly what has been said, you need to start the official process to get this sorted the longer you leave it, the worse it will be and the bigger the impact it will have on the children, As said these things rarely get better on thier own and I think your ex needs to see that you won't accept this from her.
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I don't think this last message is something the police would do much about, but that said if you have the officers name who you spoke with the other day it may be worth asking thier advice on it.
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Get sorted with mediation and then court which I suspect will be needed, and get some sanity back in your life, we can all support you and give you advice through out court so don't be put off by it, to me it seems the only way you are going to get anywhere.
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I am going to edit your post to remove the names, I'm sure if your ex stumbled accross the fourm and saw names listed it would make matters worse for you,
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GTTS

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