• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Some Advice Needed

Some Advice Needed 4 years 5 days ago #77896

Hi there,

I am looking for some advice, my ex and I are currently in the position of splitting up - we have been flogging a dead horse for a couple of years and she decided that its probably time we called it a day - shes right and I know she is.

She has decided that she wants to take our daughter to live up past the midlands - I live in Hampshire (and I really need to stay here for my career as I would not be able to earn as much up there or have as many career opportunities). At the moment she is only offering me Supervised Visits with either her or her parents present citing the fact I have a drink problem (I drink at weekends but in the last few weeks I have cut down drastically and still cutting down - she hardly drinks at all). She will not let me have her at weekends or for holidays and its either I have her supervised or not at all. I am also having the fact I have a criminal record (spent) thrown in my face - all I want to do is keep contact with my daughter.

Obviously I dont want to lose contact with my daughter - but I also dont want to go down the court route as I am attempting to keep this civil and above board - but I am looking for any advice or what I can do.

Thanks

AE

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Some Advice Needed 4 years 5 days ago #77902

  • Yoda
  • Yoda's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 2661
  • Thank you received: 450
Hi and welcome to the forum

There aren't many options available to you at present other than mediation or an application to the court I'm afraid.

If you think her move might be imminent, you could apply for an urgent hearing to the court which would temporarily prevent her moving away. How successful that would be in the long term, I couldn't predict but it would buy you some time to resolve things.

In terms of getting some contact arrangements sorted, unfortunately if the mother won't agree with you then you would have to attempt mediation. If that failed or she wouldn't attend, the mediator would sign a form that allows you to apply for court. You would be exempt from mediation for an urgent hearing to prevent her moving though.

Courts pretty much always promote contact with both parents and if you can prove you don't have a drink problem and it sounds like the criminal record is historic, then you would likely end up with an order that would meet your daughter's needs.

Can I ask, how old is your daughter?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Some Advice Needed 4 years 5 days ago #77904

Hi Yoda,

Thanks for the response, much appreciated.

I think her move is going to happen within the next month or so, at the moment she is pretty heavily reliant on me fiancially - which I dont mind - I earn enough to help out and shes the mother of my kid. But her parents are pretty well off and they have offered to her a house up there (they are elderly so she would have a built-in babysitter)

The main part is I dont see that I should have supervised visits, I dont have a drink issue at all (I did about 20 years ago, but thats historic and way before we got together), and my criminal aspect is for something extremely petty and is considered spent under the ROOA.

I dont want to go down the court route as that could P her off so much more - which isnt the main aim here - its to get contact with my 3.5 year old daughter.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Some Advice Needed 4 years 5 days ago #77905

  • Yoda
  • Yoda's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 2661
  • Thank you received: 450
If you want to avoid court but she won't agree a way forward with you, the only option available to you is to try mediation.

If she won't agree, I don't see what other options you have unless either of you have a family member that might be willing to try and assist you to agree.

Failing that, the only other option is a court application, sorry I can't really offer you any other options.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Some Advice Needed 4 years 5 days ago #77919

The Court will focus on the needs of your daughter and it is clearly not in her best interests to lose contact with her father, especially at such a young age.

Try mediation and switch the focus in your mind from "I don't want to P her off" to "I want the best outcome for our child".

Historic convictions shouldn't be an issue and neither should your drinking if you are being straight with us.

Personally, I would commence mediation without delay and strongly oppose any move up North. Things will become so difficult if she goes.

I don't envy you, you're at the start of a nightmare of a potential battle.

As I said, focus on your child, don't swerve from that.

This forum can be of immense help in all aspects - I've certainly learned a vast amount here.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Yoda

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Some Advice Needed 4 years 5 days ago #77932

The responses are good advice but I will add to it.

Your career maybe important but your child should be the main, and in many ways, the only priority. You do need to act and I assure you the advice of "I don't want to P her off" to "I want the best outcome for our child" is quality advice. If you want decent access to your daughter being "passive" will not work, it will bring more difficulties down the line. Your daughter is your child as much as her mothers. If you want decent access and if what you have is not acceptable do not sit on the side lines. Do what others have advised you to do.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1
Moderators: Samantha Downes