Hello, I'm new here. Have shyed away from posting but have often read bits and bobs over the last 4 years.
Long story short:
- Left ex wife in Oct 2012
- Divorce all done, I pay maintenance as agreed in our settlement.
-Ex had 75% of equity from sale of our old house, I kept my business.
- 3 kids then (although one has left and gone to Uni now)
- 16 and 11 year old living with ex
- I have them every other weekend and one night each week (fixed night normally)
- Ex has had 3 long-ish term relationships since Ieft, 1st one ended with chap (alledgedly) beating ex up
--2nd one was guy having an affair with her, under a false name
---3rd one was met online, he moved in to her house a couple of months after they met
- 2 weeks after moving in with her her lost his temper and threatened physical violence towards my 2 older daughters if they were rude to him or questioned him again.
- Police were called that night to their house, he was cautioned but ex wife denied anything had happaned (even though she piled the kids into the car and dropped them at my house right after this incident happened)
- I called Child / Social services AND the police the morning after and told them both I thought the kids were in danger. Social services said they'd investigate and get back to me.
- The day after, the Police knock on my door at 11:45pm and serve me with a Police Information Notice stating that my ex had claimed I'd been harassing her via text message (I had text her a numnber of times after the new BF threatened the kids saying I'd like them to come and live with me due to the violent threats).
- The PIN says that I cannot contact my ex unless it's an emergency to do with the chidren and I cannot go to her house (that bit suits me fine).
That's the bare facts of what's happened since May this year when this boyfriend situation happened. However, due to the (incorrect in my opinion) PIN, I now cannot contact her with any issues relating to the chilren, school, behaviour etc and they are running rings around me and my ex and things are just terrible.
They turn up at my house and most days start with the 'Mum has no money, we need shoes, coats, uniform' etc. This Police notice means I now cannot challenge any of this and it's cripping me. I won't see them go without and she knows that, but it's now a ridiculous situation and I can do or say nothing about it.
Do your children still want to live with their mother, or would they rather live with you? At 16, there's nothing a court would do to stop that happening and if she did, then a court woud be very inclined to make an order in your favour to keep the childreb together,
If I understand, your immediate issue is that you want to communicate with your ex but that you are unable to as a result of the restrictive wording of the PIN?
Its not clear to me when you got the PIN but if its recent you might want to go back to the officer who issued the PIN and speak with them and ask that it is reworded so that you can communicate with regards to children's matters. Explain the difficulties you are having and ask him to re word it and ask your ex to approve it. She may be agreeable if you give lots of assurances that you do it in the best interests of the children, agree to what you think you have to and are comfortable with.
If the PIN was issued more than 12 months ago then you might want to try to communicate with your ex directly about the issues with the children.
I think that the Police would be loathed to try to charge you with harassment if there has not been an issue for 12 months.
Hi, spot on - that's exactly what I want and yesterday I spoke with the Sargeant at my local station and she agreed that it's quite possible that the officers that wtore it out might have worded it wrong and he agreed that it's clearly having an effect on my ability to parent.
I have to go to the station at lunch time to discuss it with her, she said that it's quite possible they'll reword it.
Thanks for the replies, it's appreciated.