TOPIC: Can't cope don't know what to do

Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86301

Hi I have a older child with my ex it's been he'll for years fighting to see her ect I also have a younger child with my.current partner been together 5 years she's 2

My ex has caused alot of.problems.even to the point we had our youngest removed from.us

We have her baxk now I had my.oldest for 4 half years shared care

But my partner cannot cope with me seeing her again she told.me to go for it and now.im.meant to be seeing her Saturday but now she's saying she cant cope and that we won't survive this. I havnt seen my eldest in over a year I'm so conflicted I don't want to loose my partner but don't know what to do. I literally have noone no family ect so I.feel so broken please someone help

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86303

Hi There,
.
Ex's can cause lots of issues trust me I know.....and when you think they can't do any more they throw a curve ball (from my own experience)
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Why is your partner now saying that she can't cope with you seeing your child? if she told you to go for it in the first place that doesn't seem very fair.
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I guess she is worried about what your ex will do to cause issues though which is understandable, are you able to talk this through with your partner and try and work things out?
.
GTTS

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86305

Thanks for your reply I think it's because when she said go for it we had alot of time.just us and we hadn't spoken to my ex in ages and now it's progressing and my ex partner is already being rude ect she's getting very defensive and said she can't cope. I can see her point but it's so hard to be in do.i just go for it and risk our family or not I'm so confused it's killing.me I want to see my child but don't want to upset or break my.family up. Talking normally gets the response is she's posiion and ruins everything and it'll risk our child so.i really.dont knoq

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86306

Hi There,
.
This is a really difficult one as there is a lot at stake which ever decisions you make, if you don't see your older child you may always regret it, and if you do and things don't work with your current partner then you culd regret that.
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I think if were me, I would see my elder child, if your current partner loves and suports you then she will accept this even if she doesn't like it, for me a partner that would ask you to not see your child is taking away a large part of your life.
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Only you can decide.
.
GTTS

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86308

Thankyou for your reply it's so difficult my eldest was in our lives for 4 years and she tried.to take her on ect but the second she would get close my.ex use to kick off.

Moan about hee dressing her moan about little pointless thing's this happend to we had our own child then our youngest got taken off us due to. Third party we went through court proved ourself innocent ect got her back no.involvment further but throughout that my ex was getting involved making my older child say stuff in contact so my.current partner is really affected by it. And I think her saying go for it was her not thinking of what it would be like again and now it's happening she's scared and doesn't want it. I can either go for it and fight to save us or dont. I ain't seen her in a year and half and the main issue is my ex wants it all face to face between us ect when I don't atall I want to do it through a impartial party like school pickup but she wants face to face bow because she is single and doesn't care anymore if I went to court could I fight for non direct handovers and say there's been bad tension ect and ask for not direct


Thanks again for replying

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86311

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This is a very difficult situation for you, but it's my opinion that if your current partner can't take the stress of a possible repeat of the problems she caused last time, you can ask the court to consider your position and limit the contact between you and your ex. Where there's an injunction on one parent, the court can manage to put arrangements in place so that there is only indirect contact, or contact through a neutral third party, so I think it's possible.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86316

Thanks for your reply I will see my daughter tomorrow then see how my ex progresses she's wrote up a proposal so I will take a look at that and update you all on this thanks again

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86320

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Just take your time, see how contact with your daughter goes and be sensitive to,your partner, it's a balancing act for you at the moment, but hopefully things will get better. Do let us know how you get on tomorrow....all the best.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86332

Hello I had contact and it went very good was so nice her proposal was actually not bad leading to overnights I have to tweak little things but once we wrote a proposal how do we get it.stamper like that do we do and how do we get the forms who sends it ect does it require a signature from both and how do you work out if you can get a exception form thanks

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86359

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That sounds promising, how is your partner taking it now, hopefully things have settled down.

As far as getting your agreement made into a consent order, you can apply using the C100 form and attaching a draft consent order, setting out the arrangements reached h the help of the mediator and ask the court to approve it. It's worth mentioning that the courts can refuse on the grounds of the no order principle, considering that an order isn't required as you were able to reach agreement without the courts intervention.

A consent order is a bespoke document, so you will have to write up your proposals yourselves.

If you are entitled to an exemption from the court fee you will need form EX160.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86369

Lostinblac, it sounds like a though situation. You can't give up on your eldest, but at the same time you don't want that to interfere on your current relationship.

I would suggest that you need to be extra strong at this point to keep the ship afloat. It sounds like your current partner needs reassurance and I can certainly see why that would be the case, this must be really hard for her.

Do something special for her, get her some flowers, write her a note and hide it somewhere where she will find it, ask her out on a date, make her feel special ! and if you can, try to be open to really listening to what she has to say and how she feels, without judgment, without disagreeing, without saying "yes, but ...", just let her bring things out.

It sounds like you need to work on 2 hard problems at the same time, and that's not easy at all, but it will make you a stronger man. Wish you the best.

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Can't cope don't know what to do 1 year 10 months ago #86381

Thankyou for both of your reply I appreciate them me and my partner have spoken and I've talked as open as possible and explained it all fully and when it calmed.down we actually got.on the same level and she understood she admitted she's not as strong and finds things hard but doesn't mean the stiff she said just felt lost and confused so I am very happy with that

As for my ex contact was lovely I loved seeing my child she remembers.me.completely remembers all of us being together and misses.my.partner and me so.it was very nice

The agreement basically has different stages but the final.one is alterative weekends Fri to Sunday school.pickup so that's nice

Why would they refuse our order ideally I do want a order so noone can breech anything is it likely they will refuse it. We've already done mediation

Thanks again for all your help I'm glad I have someone to turn to

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