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TOPIC: Advice needed

Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86575

Hi

My ex keeps on threatning me saying she will not send my son with me. I travel a long way every fortnight to pick him up. I pick him up and drop him back off. My son will be 6 next year, she is saying don't come to pick him up I will not send him with you and go to court. Even though I have a court order stating I can see him every fortnight. We have had a few arguments over whatsapp and my brother does some of the travelling for me. He is included in the court order that he will do the traveling for me if I'm not available.

What shall I do I'm really stressed? She will get legal aid since she is on benefits and I'm already spending loads on travel costs.

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Last Edit: by Yoda. Reason: Confidentiality

Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86576

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Hi

Firstly I've moved your post to the Legal Eagle section where it should be more easily seen. Also, I've edited the two locations you mention as we are an open forum and that could identify you.

If you have a court order and she breaks it, you can apply to have it enforced using a C79 form. It might be worth pointing out to her that if she suspends contact, she will be in breach of the order and you will have no hesitation in returning the matter to court.

Legal Aid doesn't exist for family cases any longer apart from exceptional circumstances, so you would probably both have to represent yourselves.

Best of luck
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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86601

Excellent thank you. She left the house claiming domestic violence few years back so she may claim legal aid again. She is feeding my son against me and my family, keeps saying my son don't want to see me and he is only 5.

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86602

Hey Jason, I hope you're well. It's the worst when a child is used as a wagering tool or weight in an argument. As mentioned above C79 form and get it enforced - she knows how to push your buttons and getting you stressed may get the response she wants. Stay calm, if it so happens that you don't get to see your son when you travel to pick him up.. atleast you have upheld your part of the court order - if she doesn't send your child with you after you have arrived then note down the date, time and location where the break happened.

I know that easy to say....but patience isn't about how long we wait - it's about how we behave while waiting. You will no doubt outweigh everything your ex is feeding your child and when a lot older will realise "Dad is nothing like Mum says he is".

I know it's not my place to say this. But if you do make the trip up and don't get to see your child...please stay calm. Retreat knowing it wasn't you who didn't uphold their side.

You can then follow up the missed contact with the form and the judge will remind your ex of the consequences I'm sure.

Hope you do get to see your kid and she is just trying to mess with your head, don't fall for it.

All the best
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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86606

Thank you for your reply. The only problem from our end is we are not usually on time to pick him up, usually an hour late no fix time. That is because my brother picks him sometimes (included in the court order) and he can only collect him after he finishes work.

She is saying we collect him late even though we travel about 2 hours and 30 mins for him and do all the collecting and dropping.

Also she is making stuff up that we are teaching the boy wrong stuff, even though I have video evidence that my son said his mother hits him and shouts at him.

What if we go there she refuses to hand him over, can I call the police so it's documented?

Is it possible if I go to court there could be a new ruling where she is to do half the traveling or even meet us half way. I am paying £250 child maintenance plus paying for petrol etc to pick and drop my son off.

I bought my own clothes for my son which he wears at the weekend, I have him every fortnight.

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Last Edit: by Kasim9243. Reason: Spellings

Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86608

Absolutely, if you go thru the court they will see the history of successful pick ups and drop offs, and only recently problems have risen to a point of it affecting contact. The court will see the distance and ask your ex to either travel by car or public transport to meet halfway, I say this with confidence as the judge in my case ordered that a fair centre point be found between us...which was 110 mile distance one way, so now I do 55 one way.

I had to go thru from the beginning, mediation being ignored, full fact finding 3 day hearing, contact centre supervised to then unsupervised then community contact and then finally overnights and halfway drop offs and pick ups.

You have gone out of your way by making the full trip, the court will see that and realise it's not fair. Whoever picks him up shouldn't be an issue as long as you trust them and he is your brother so technically your kids uncle.

I don't know about calling the police. Might be worth taking a copy of the order with you incase you do call them. Whatever she is saying might be on a whim, I would say make the trip, 2hrs 30 minutes is a long drive but hopefully she will see reason to not involve time you spend with your child inbetween your dispute.

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86610

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Hi sorry to have to contradict Yasser, but that simply is not true. Travel and handovers are a very grey area indeed, and if the court cannot get you to agree how it is done, then they would decide for you and there isn't a law to apply there. Fundamentally, it would be at the discretion of the judge. Some judges are fairer than others on this matter and I have seen a very wide range of decisions made.

In addition, if you wanted this part of the order to change, that is called a variation, and would normally come under a C100 Child Arrangement Application, not a C79 Enforcement Application. An application to vary an order usually requires attempting mediation again, whereas an application for enforcement does not.. If the mother breaches the order and you apply for enforcement, you can ask the judge to consider a variation at the same time.

You cannot apply to enforce the order unless she actually breaches it, and I wouldn't bother calling the police as they won't make her hand your child over as it's a civil matter. If you think she is likely to accuse you of violence or verbal abuse, you can consider having your phone on audio record in your pocket. If you want to prove you attended handover, you can take a photograph of a street sign for example, to show you were there.

She's unlikely to get Legal Aid again if the claims of DV were a few years ago. Hope that helps.

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86613

Well my ex left the house with the domestic violence excuse when my son was about 3 months. She is isn't British and did not speak English at the time and claimed she had no family here which was a lie.

The judge asked me to do all the travelling because he said I want to see the son and it's only fair I do the collecting and dropping. She got away lightly with everything by saying I don't speak English and have no family here. Initially by the time we got into court my son was about 2 years old and I saw my son through a contact centre for about 3 or 4 months.

Once my son was comfortable I starting having him every other weekend and holidays. I am thinking if it does go to court now will the judge ask her to use public transport and travel since my son will be 6 next year and she seems to be writing back in English which isn't basic. She must of went to college etc.

She has family and on one occasion she came with someone to pick my son up from mines because it suited them.

It's to much traveling and it's affecting my brothers life as well and work.

Now she keeps threatening me saying it's your job to pick him up on time and drop him off on time, it's so easy when they are sat at home and we have been making a journey of 120 miles ok fri,sun every fortnight from when my son was nearly two upon till now where he is nearly 6. About 4 years!

Thank you for your replies.

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86614

Also what about my son saying she hits him and shouts at him if he is naughty, she has denied it but I have video evidence.

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86615

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It really will be up to a judge to decide that if you can't agree between you, and the judge will look at what is best for the child, not what suits you or his mother. I appreciate it is a lot of driving for you and your brother, but it might be a worse journey for your child on public transport. Perhaps before you ask the court to decide on that matter, you could look at possible halfway points for handover that are easily accessed on public transport? For example, if there is a train station that you could meet at. The court are more likely to give consideration, if you have looked into the matter properly and it won't be too detrimental to your child.

Some people with long distances meet half way, some do one journey each, or some do all the travelling. There isn't a one size fits all solution on these matters, and if the court cannot get you to agree, they will make the decisions for you, and nobody can predict what that will be.

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86617

I am happy to meet half way and was from day one, she is making an excuse that she cannot have someone to bring her half way. Her niece apparently lives with her and drives even though my ex has a council house for just her and my son.

They often be at my location and they even picked him up from here once. I have her recent texts where she said she is willing to drop him off at mines so she can go abroad for a holiday. She left my son with her sister for 2 months whilst she went on holiday on her own. But when we went to court few years back she claimed she had no family here at all!

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Advice needed 3 years 4 months ago #86619

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You will just have to see how things go for now. If she breaches, you can apply for enforcement. If you want to apply for variation, you can do that now. With the distance between you, you might be able to claim exemption from mediation. Unfortunately, a court cannot order one of her family members to undertake travel. If they offer and agree to be named in an order is a different matter.

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