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TOPIC: hey everyone..im back :) need a bit of advice

hey everyone..im back :) need a bit of advice 1 year 4 months ago #91374

  • mavic
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so i know its been a while since i was here and i apologise for that but had building work in-house and bad health for a while...anyways here goes

So after my useless dra in january (see other post) things have progressed slowly but surely

Mother started doing handovers on the 2nd weekend after the dra and we started speaking briefly, she continued with 2 hours a week for another week and then asked if i would like to start seeing him midweek for a few hours also...of course i lept at this

So for the next few weeks, i was seeing him wed 3-7ish and saturday 3-7ish...amazing how she suddenly starts playing ball :)

Then we went to a play centre and we had dinner just the 3 of us and she says she has booked him into gymnastics on a friday afternoon and would i like to come to that....absolutely!!

So at this point im getting wed, fri and sat afternoons every week.....great

we then agree to email each other directly (i still have an undertaking with the court not to contact her directly) and she asks to take me out for my birthday, we go out for the day and she buys me dinner...felt as if we were still together so really weird and i think she is up to games

On leaving that day i asked if she was pregnant as id noticed a huge difference in shape to which she replied "not that im aware of and im sure id know if i was"....ok i left it

Following week we go out with my other children and her with my son and she tells me she is in fact 29weeks pregnant....we had only been split up 31 weeks lol

she says that she has had complications and it has put a strain on her relationship and i simply say that its none of my business and i cannot be involved, my only concern is for my son but explain that i don't believe it right that she continues being at contact as my daughter was starting to form a bond with her again and that was not right. She agrees and says she does not want to go to court and wants to come to an agreement with me that we then get rubber-stamped by the court.

I draw up a draft consent order and hand it to her the next day with a re-register child's birth form and collect my son to take him to gymnastics alone. Later that day she says she has read through and is unhappy with a few things that i agree to change. She then says she agrees to meet halfway and do handovers and he is allowed to come to my house....omg i even bought a lottery ticket thinking my luck is unreal right?

Anyways....I drop him back the next day after our 1st afternoon at my house (which he loved) and she says she has been thinking and she will now not sign anything until she has had legal advice!!! i just said well that's a backfoot but ok.

I continue to have my son for 2 half days each week for the next week, when the school holidays started she allowed me to have him mon, wed and sat 10-7pm at my house which meant he would have to nap here which he has done everytime without a grumble

So now i have my final hearing this week and she still states she does not agree with the school holidays being split claiming he has never spent that long away from her and that he cannot stay overnight because he won't understand.......says a woman who can't be honest about her new partner and even where he lives and says my son has never met him!!! shes 34 weeks pregnant with his child and says my son won't understand staying at my house...wow

She said she thinks he should be at least 4 before he stays...another 18 months

I then get a letter from her new solicitor saying they want to adjourn the hearing for 6 months while she has her new baby and secures legal aid funding....i wrote the judge a very polite firm letter and so far its still going ahead

i rung her to say i thought you wanted to sort this and come to an agreement and she told her solicitor i was harassing her and they sent me a threatening letter saying i was in breach of my undertaking....she has been in breach of it for the last 3 months lol

quick recap...she says my son wont understand staying at my house and will think mummy does not want him anymore but yet he has never met her new man that she is pregnant with his child
handovers have been perfect and ive been having full days

So the court has only instructed that the social worker attends and he has to make the decision on my pr which even he was confused about because it should be a court decision.

Haven't been asked for a final statement or bundle or anything....so what do i take/do?

Main argument seems to be the overnight/holidays split equally

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hey everyone..im back :) need a bit of advice 1 year 4 months ago #91377

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Hi and welcome back

Write a brief position statement and take this to court with you on the day. Sum up in general and be prepared to expand verbally with the judge. If you go into too much detail, you will be verging on a statement of evidence and this as you say, hasn't been ordered. You are allowed to lay out your position though.

In terms of her pregnancy, I can't see why the coming hearing can't go ahead, although the court might give her some grace the other side.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

hey everyone..im back :) need a bit of advice 1 year 4 months ago #91381

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hey,

So just basically write about what has happened since my last hearing? shall i mention about the agreement that she now will now not agree to?

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hey everyone..im back :) need a bit of advice 1 year 4 months ago #91388

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sort of, yes.

Don't go into too much detail, keep it simple but give an overview that she reached out, things began to improve, she suggested that you reach agreement so the court could make an order by consent, but has now changed her mind and explain what you are asking the court to order. Don't include specific dates or incidents as you are only letting the court know your position and don't have permission for a statement of evidence. If you have significant evidence, take 3 copies of it with you and mention it in the position statement in case the court want to see it. Keep it to 1 or 2 pages of statement, max!
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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

hey everyone..im back :) need a bit of advice 1 year 4 months ago #91392

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ok great will do

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