TOPIC: COURT TRIAL

COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93408

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I would say that your ex partners case is at the extreme end Harli, and we do have several members that have and are literally going through hell because the system has let them down, but it wouldn't be right not to balance that out with the fact that we also have some very good outcomes and the majority are successful.

In my opinion the Family Court sometimes falls down when the case is complex and has serious elements of parental alienation and implacable hostility... it's those cases that the judiciary struggle with.

Generally, with more straightforward cases, I think that there's a lack of continuity as far as outcomes are concerned, two very similar cases can have vastly different outcomes, depending on which court and judge is hearing the case.

Magistrates hearing a case can be lacking in legal knowledge and the will to handle awkward parties more firmly.
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93411

Hopefully find out about the next court date this week. Hoping its not a long wait i am desperate to get on with it.

Parental alienation i think i might be slightly guilty of this. :(

i always said i wouldn't hide the truth from my son about what my ex did , and that i wanted him to know that as he got older he understood that his mother was a liar , cheat and very manipulative, for his own safety more than anything.

Also if my son asked is mummy coming on holiday with us i would say no mummy doesnt like daddy any more or mummy has not been nice so she is not coming.

Will this bee seen as parental alienation?

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COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93415

Giving a young child this kind of information will be seen very negatively - and quite possibly as abusive.

Aside from violence / drink / drugs, parental conflict is one of the biggest issues in family court / child welfare.

You may say there is no conflict and your child doesn't witness arguments but by telling your child the "truth" you are giving them an up close and personal look at how much their parents are hurting each other.

Think of it like pornography, would it be right to give a copy of playboy to a five year old? Or even an 10 year old? Of course not, they are too young. Telling your child the "truth" is the same kind of abuse.

You may not want to hear this but I guarantee what I say here is spot on.

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Last Edit: by justdad.

COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93416

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Absolutely agree with justdad... no matter what happens between separated parents, the children should be kept from it. It's not fair to burden your child with this, they don't have the maturity or experience to deal with it.

If the court are made aware of it I would advise that you propose attendance on a Separated Parents Information Programme, as part of the programme they discuss the damage that can be done to children that are caught up in the conflict between parents.

Hopefully, if you nip this in the bud, any damage can be mitigated at this stage, I would suggest you try and be positive about his mother next time he talks about her.
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93423

I agree with the above that children should not be made party to the conflicts between the parents. But I do have two questions...
How do you explain to children who are in the middle of it all what is happening, especially curious and bright children who have a lot of questions and not telling them anything is potentially also causing harm.
At what level do the courts or cafcass actually step in when the ex is telling them things they're too young to hear. Is there a legal framework or guidelines that they work to that can help stop the non-resident parent becoming a victim of this when the ex is telling them lies?

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COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93432

As far as I know, there is no legal framework as such, there is the Section 7, Section 48 or Section 37 report!

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COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93435

From my searches for information over the last 9/10yrs and more so in the last 3-4yrs i cannot see anything that can prevent someone lying to the kids....how can you stop them when they are the resident parent.

it's easier to stop them if they are the non-resident parent, you simply stop them having contact, they then take you to court and then you go down the emotional abuse routes.

You can find out if someone is lying in a case by having a finding of fact hearing, lying in court is contempt of court, however, in family court that seems to get overlooked a lot so it seems, even when proven!

How can you stop them lying to the kids when the courts don't even do anything about them when they get caught out in court!

Actually stopping them from lying to the kids is pretty much impossible if they're not willing to tell the truth.

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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!

COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93436

Update

Social service have manged to talk my ex into letting me see my son, so they have arranged a 1 hour contact session at their offices next week.

1 hour is not much but better than nothing which was what my ex was offering.

Also first hearing is in the first week of Sept - so just over 4 weeks to go.

Social service said they would still recommend supervised contact with my family supervising at any hearing - my ex doesnt want this although shes on friendly terms with my sister.

Questions

How much damage is done to a father / son relationships when contact is suddenly stopped and how long does it take to get back to normal after say after 3/4 months of very limited contact?

Is it possible to ask in the hearings for a mental health assessment to be carried out on my ex? or does no such thing exist?

Thanks

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COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93439

I didnt see my children from the age of 4 months to 10 months old. When I saw them again in a contact centre it was like we never parted. They knew me, came to me and were happy.

At this meeting just be a happy and positive dad - don't go telling your son how much youve missed him or that it isnt what you wanted etc. You will be watched and monitored, saying anything that could be seen negatively will be used in court. So just treat it as normally as you can - contact is not the place to express views or anything like that.

Asking for a mental health assessment is a very tricky thing. The cost is immense plus the court are looking for you, as parents to be mutually understanding and respectful of each other.

The best way to handle practically everything in Court is to present evidence rather than opinions and then let the Court come to conclusions - so for example show them the behaviour you think is "odd" and hope they think so too.

Nothing is perfect in terms of this whole process, the advice you are being given here is based on first hand experience so whilst some of it may seem illogical, unfair or alien to you, I would urge you to trust us.
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COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93442

i think my ex is so bloody minded she will go the whole hog for the court hearing.

She would be happy if i never had contact with my son every again shes that way out.

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COURT TRIAL 1 year 11 months ago #93443

That's what most of us have faced.

Come to terms with it and focus on your child.

My ex went from being a seemingly lovely person to a total monster overnight who deserves to be locked up and never allowed contact with any children again. I live with that.. I co-parent with that.

People change and sometimes people are not what you think they are - I know that's my own experience. I'm sure it's narcissism but there is nothing I can do except make sure my children are the focus and their welfare is the priority.

The more time you spend being angry or shocked at her or the system, the less time you have to get your sh*t together and be what your son needs.
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COURT TRIAL 1 year 10 months ago #93855

Just an update to the shit show thats going on.

I have had 2 home supervised contact session with my son which was really great.

Contact has now been stopped because i took my son to the toilet which i had no idea wasn't allowed under supervised contact! i am supper pissed off with this as i was never informed about the rules of what supervised contact are, SS just assumed i know all the ins and outs.

Anyway i now have zero contact again for this small fuck up.

Court first week of Sept,

Cafcass interview was straight forward no big issues apart from my ex has mention a domestic violence incident - one of those that never actually happend - looks like this will be thrown in the mix now as well just for good measure.

cafacss & social services are recommended supervised contact in the interim until the next hearing and full report can be written. I am guessing this will be a contact centre at best which is a total joke.

A couple of things that really gets to me is the fact every one is acting like iam a guilty party and treating me like some tried and convicted sex offender - what happend to innocent until prove guilty?

Also the party making the allegations are then give all the power by the social service to decide what happens next which i find utterly laughable.

The whole thing sucks big time.

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