Hi, first post, I'll try to keep my complicated legal situation story as short as possible.
Background: I have a 3 year son with severe Autism non verbal and a healthy 1 year old son. Russian wife 4 years together and I was the househusband.
In March this year I suspected my wife of having an affair with a rich old manpliuative man more than twice her age. One day in April suspicion got the better of me and I saw on my son's IPAD that's connected to her iPhone on find my iPhone, that she was in the other man's house. When she returned home I asked where she was "with female friends" the reply. I said I know you wasn't and at the other man's house. Faster than you can say St-Petersberg, her phone came out and dialled 999. I got arrested for (false) assault and coercion.
I spent the night in the cells (quite the experience having had a spotless crimimal history) and then told I had another arrest of sexual touching. After the police interview I got released without bail and conditions pending further investigation. I spent a week at my parents. My wife texted me saying she doesn't want a divorce and I returned home.
The next days she kept seeing other man, even missing the family BBQ she wanted. I tried not to react to it but sadness is clear. Few days later the SS came, we agreed before hand to be civil in front of them, she blindsided me and laid rip into me escalating her false DV claims. They made a pretty shocking single assentment, granted it picked up a few of her discrepancies it was 90% against me. About a week later she kept mentioning the other man's name to try and provoke me, I packed my bag and went to leave for my parents, she assaulted me and tried to stop me leaving while holding our baby in one arm, she sprained my wrist, it took me 10 minutes to escape out the backdoor without touching her or risk harming our baby. I reported her to the police but didn't want her arrested (I'm a soft idiot that still loves her).
I stayed with my parents for 2 weeks, I visited the children almost everyday for days out. Then I wanted to return home and she said she would go to refgue if I did, I said I didn't want my children in refgue and let her carry on living in my house alone. About a week later I went to pick up the children as arranged the day before and she was gone! I thought she might of went to Russia with the children so I called 999. SS didn't know where she was. Then they called back 2 hours later and said she put herself in refgue.
While in refgue for 4 weeks she got rid of her spouse visa with no recourse to public funds for a DV visa, 2 weeks ago I got an ex parte non molestation/occupation order to ban me 100m from my house I'm the sole tenant of, in the order she lied that I raped her and that's why I got arrested! Also I'm forbidden all communication with her.
Last week I found out the other man was a 4 time convicted sex offender! SS advised her to stay away while they investigate (she wont, absoutely obsessed over him) and I applied for Sarah's law on him. Early this week her original allegations against me got dropped lacking evidence and a couple of days ago I went to a directions hearing (not before getting a death threat from other man) my lawyer said after the hearing it's unlikely I'll overturn the occupation order and be very expensive to fight it (I will even though it will bankrupt me) and I applied for a prohibited steps against the other man. I can't believe it, how's it in best interest for children to be with her and forcing me to lose my home and to live in a box room at my parents when I done nothing wrong and she's clearly scamming? Why no one seems to care she's throwing around a false rape claim in her order?
She is also refusing me to see my children, hiding behind single assentment, it's been over 6 weeks now, it's breaking my heart, making me feel suicidal, my children probably have forgot me by now. SS said they have no concerns about me seeing my children, it's just my wife stopping me. I got no support, my mother has a terminal illness so I can't lean on her, mental health said therapy won't help while in turmoil. I was a loner (mild autism) before knowing my wife and lost my happiness from being alone since having a normal life. I can't see any positive out comes and the pain gets worse everyday. Is there anyway legally to salvage this situation?
I can't imagine how my 3 year old feels seeing me all day every day and suddenly I'm ripped out of the family and he can't say a word. It's pure wickedness.
I’m really sorry that you are in such a distressing situation.
As far as the children are concerned, you would be best to apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order. As you have already made an application for a Prohibited Steps Order, you can add another their application to the existing proceedings by using form C2. If you are using a solicitor for this, they can do this for you.
If you’re struggling financially. You could consider representing yourself in court, many dads here have done so with much success.
It might help you to deal with your problems if you attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, where you’ll meet other parents in similar situations and get face to face support and advice. Here’s a link to their website where you'll find details of meetings nationally
Thank you for your reply Mojo. My solicitor added a contact order on an urgent basis. Do you have any idea how long the contact order and prohibited steps order will take to issue?
I had to pay for the police disclosure this week on myself because wife claiming destitution even though I can prove she has 1000s in cash squirrelled away. What will happen when police see her (false) claim about rape in non mol order but doesn't match her police statement, will they investigate it against me? This week I had a letter confirming all my wife's orginal allegations got dropped due to lack of evidence.
My faith in humanity at all time low, I asked SS on their visit to the children 2 weeks ago if they can tell me if my youngest is walking and talking yet, no reply, I asked the Vicar to chase them up last week as well, He said he would, no reply as well. 7 weeks in the dark. I even don't know what nursery my wife put them in, seems I have no PR at all and just the dogs dinner. This week I became officially homeless as well due to only having parents box room.
With urgent applications you shouldn't have to wait too long, depends on the work load/backlog of applications at your particular court, but you can give them a call to see what's happening.
I doubt very much the police would investigate the rape allegation, unless she reports it to them directly.
Unfortunately many fathers find themselves in a similar situation, having to leave the family home and rely on family to give them a place to sleep, and often with no contact or updates about their children. Try and stay strong for your childrens sake, they need you to keep fighting for them... as confused as you are they will be effected too.
When you get to court push for any form of contact, even if it's supervised at a contact centre, whilst the allegations are investigated further by the court.
I phoned the court this morning and the judge granted the hearing (will I have to attend it?) about the prohibited steps and contact order, 2 weeks from listing and seems they are only going to list it today! How is that urgent? Already been 11 days. My children will be exposed this 4 time convicted sex offender for another 2 weeks! That's just the 4 times he's been caught in this country. FML, I feel in absolute despair and worried to death. Probably getting my youngest to call him daddy.
2 weeks since I heard from the police about Sarah's application, should be getting a call back today, but I won't hold my breath.
I heard from Vicar today, SS are ignoring him as well, at least I can take solace in that it's nothing personal.
I've removed the link, I think it's better for your own anonymity, if you don't post things that can identify you, as you have an ongoing court case.
You will have to attend the hearing, it's very important that you do. Unfortunately, unless the court considers the children are at serious and immediate risk, they won't act as quickly as an applicant might want. Generally it can take up to 8 weeks for the first hearing, so you're application is being considered more quickly than some.
I understand your worry, but hopefully you will hear from the police today, if you don't, perhaps you can give them a call to chase it up.
You can also keep in touch with the SS that are dealing with this too and ask them to keep you updated of any developments. It's a tough time for you, stay strong.
Will it be difficult to self rep in a prohibited steps and contact hearing? Will there be any defence? I'm of quite a nervous disposition. The legal costs are spiralling, I got £4,000 ear marked for a barrister in final occupation hearing for my stab in the dark for justice.
Still no call from the police, I'll chase them up tomorrow if I hear nothing before. I've washed my hands with SS they never bother to get back in contact, being bent over by their single assentment where I wasn't given a fair say, even when I made a complaint pointing out obvious errors, they didn't update it. They even wrote a view from the sex offender in there! I feel like I will never see my children again, Im devoid of any pleasure without my family just suffering
It’s a civil court, so is more informal than a criminal court. As she is in a refuge it’s likely that she will be eligible for legal aid to pay for a solicitor, so she will be defended.
Self representing is doable and we have many members that have done so with much success. There’s no way of predicting outcomes and it could be take longer to reach a final hearing, as the court will want to investigate any allegations that are made.
Self repping is very doable but you will need to work hard to keep your emotions at bay.
Right now you need to be gathering documentary evidence of everything you can - Facebook, texts, emails and any bills etc. Some won't be of use but you almost need a complete reference library of your life together so you can pluck out evidence when needed.
I saw your headline about "is this reality" the other day - you can bet your life it is and as much as you still "love" her, you need to be strong for your children and put up the fight of your life here.
As Mojo says, we are here to help. Many of us have been in your shoes - I remember the police cells and the rape allegation....not nice BUT it's all just a moment in time that passes.
She's left the refgue and occupied my house about 3 weeks ago. Found out today my housing benefit will stop but still must pay the rent to my council house since I dont want to roll over and give up my home after waiting years for it. Fast track to bankruptcy here I come.
Because she applying for a domestic abuse visa she can't currently get legal aid while home office investigate her claim. She's due to get her visa in September if they approve it, which they probably will as it seems ridiculously easy (see article) She got a solicitor funded by charities at the moment.
It will be interesting if she puts up a defence to the prohibited steps order against her 4 time convicted sex offender other man.
Police said they will post the result of Sarah's law application tomorrow.
I have strong evidence against the majority of her claims, for example claiming I didn't allow her access to joint bank account yet have bank statements showing her taking literally 100s out every month. Some lies impossible to prove however saying I punched the wall and scared the children, if only walls could talk.
I dont know how time can help, I already had a rough life full of abuse and neglect, the 3 years with my wife were the only time I ever felt truely happy, health improved incredibly. Doesn't help as well I was punching above my weight having a head turning wife. Maybe she was a blue pill illusion but she gave me two wonderful son's. I miss them terribly 8 weeks now.
Sometimes I just feel like taking the gamble and try to talk her out of it, must be feelings deep down somewhere... I know it's madness and I wont, my brain feels like it's being torn in half.
So I got the Sarah's law result letter and it says "I note that the children do not reside with you and so no information to disclose"
Seriously... What the hell?!?!
I have parentital responsibility and my wife exposing my children to a 4 time convicted sex offender on the sex offenders list time served and that information is 7 years ago. This year I witnessed him abuse a vulnerable Polish girl.
I phoned the police Sargent and he's not answering even though I'm told he's at work.
I contacted my MPs senior case worker and she said "a decision to disclose is not dependent on whether a person lives with the children"
What do I do now? I'm starting to feel paranoid that the sex offenders claim he has contacts in White Hall is proving true!