TOPIC: Abuse

Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94162

Hi please help I have been split with my ex since my 6 year old was born but have had regular contact for the most part. Recently I introduced my daughter to my partner who I have been with for some time and they get on brilliantly my ex dislikes this and has said so. After contact became sporadic again I approached mediation and as soon as she became aware my ex claimed my partner had hurt my daughter which is nonsense and claims it's gone on since day one. Whilst I know it's not beyond the realms of possibility that it's true I have been with her 4 years know her well and my daughter dotes on her and wants to be in her company all the time. Social services have been involved but were very slow to inform me and they have apologised for this. My question is do I keep going to mediation etc or do I wait until this is sorted? I have been accused of nothing at all but she still refuses any contact and nothing has been proved as true. How do I stop her doing this again in the future it nearly destroyed my partner who was distraught to say the least. Thanks in advance Steve

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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94166

Hi There,

I would hope that there will be a lack of evidence which should mean that the case gets dropped.

I would continue with mediation while it is on going, as going to court while this is hanging over you could slow things down.

GTTS

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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94167

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Hi, I am more in your partners position...partner of a father with a child, which mother despises. .. its such a shame but unfortunately it happens.

Are you married with your partner?

To be honest i dont really know what my partner or i would do in your situation but maybe suggest to your ex, due to her concerns you will see your child without your partner present. I think reinstating contact is important and should be the first step. If she refuses, it will show that she is not being reasonable. It is in your childs interest to have contact with their parents.

Have you got a court order in place?

For your partner, just reassure! Its a great thing to be able to take on someone elses child and have a good bond with them. I have a good bond with my partners child but theres things that the child knows such as her mum does not like me and the child isnt allowed to mention me when shes with her mum, to the extend where my partner was on the phone to his child and his child asked to speak to me and her mother hung up and refused.
I received a lot of grief at the beginning (i think the mother felt i was a threat as another woman in the childs life, another mother figure - i have never tried to be the childs mum - im more of a friend to her), but now 4 years on since being introduced.. the only grief i get from the mother is dirty looks....and it hasnt intereferd with the bond their child and i have!

Personally, I dont see the harm in continuing mediation but maybe others on here can give more advise.

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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94180

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I agree with the others, I would continue with mediation.

As Ldad suggests, it might be worth agreeing to contact with your daughter away from your partner, but make it clear it's a short term solution and is in no way an admittance of guilt on your partners part, but for your daughters benefit, so that her distress at loss of contact can be minimised.

The best way to avoid it in the future is to get it discussed in court, and an order made.

I do feel for your partner.

All the best

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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94196

Hi thankyou having met with the social worker involved today he explained what had happened etc and their findings.
They are happy that there is no case to answer and went as far as to indicate that in their opinion and the police's my daughter had been as good as coached as to what to say when in front of her mother. When interviewed alone she had nothing but positive things to say about my partner which is a great relief obviously. That said he did indicate that he thought it was just away of stopping contact by my ex and said I would be sent a report of their findings. My mediation meeting is in 10 days time should these events be mentioned etc? Also I have heard I can ask for an interim order is this correct? How do I go about it etc? Thanks in advance Steve

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More false allegations 7 months 2 weeks ago #94200

Hi having recently posted about false allegations of abuse by my ex saying my new partner hurt our daughter,which were fully investigated by the police and social workers they found there was no case to answer at all and indicated they thought my daughter had been coached in her answers.
The social worker involved gave my ex their findings and said there was no reason to with hold contact. My ex said no on the grounds she was protecting our daughter and no contact would take place while my partner was there. I offered to take that contact up until such time as a court order could be made which was met with a tirade of text abuse saying that both myself and partner had hurt my daughter and she had evidence of this, complete nonsense as no such thing has ever happened and in the event any such evidence existed it would have been presented to the authorities. Why would she do this when it is easily disproved it makes no sense at all is this just an attempt to keep my partner out of my daughter's life? I have a mediation meeting in 10 days does this effect that and does it need mentioning? Is this just an attempt to hold the contact process up?
I am struggling to cope with all this nonsense which is what it is I feel like screaming shouting or something it's ridiculous and harms my daughter she loves her time with me and the family I just really don't know what to do please help!
Steve

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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94209

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I suppose the question is whether you think you can get anywhere with mediation, if so, then it's worth continuing, but otherwise, then I'd speak to the mediators to tell them as such.
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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94223

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That’s good news.. if you do mention it at mediation, I wouldn’t go into detail, just mention that investigations are concluded and not found, so there’s no reason for contact not to be restarted. As hard as it might be, I would try and keep the mediation session civil and reassuring. Your aim is to get her to agree to contact resuming.

It might be helpful to introduce the CAFCASS Parenting Plan for you to work through together at the meeting, so that you have some agreement in place. You could also ask for decisions to be written into a Memorandum of Understanding, which although not legally binding, does show intent, should she break the terms of your agreement in future.

If contact has been suspended for no good reason, and agreement can’t be reached at mediation, it’s always a good idea to ask for an interim order for contact to resume straight away, as the abrupt cessation of contact will be distressing for your child, who is closely bonded with you all.

This would be asked for on the C100 application form, that the mediator would sign to enable you to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order. There is a section that asks what you would like the court to do.

Try and remain calm, as actd says, if you feel that mediation wouldn’t work, speak to the mediator, if they understand the level of the mothers hostility, they may agree that mediation isn’t appropriate and sign the form to enable you to go straight to court.

All the best
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Abuse 7 months 2 weeks ago #94236

Hi and thankyou for all your advice. It's obviously a traumatic time for both myself and my partner who is obviously relieved that the matter has been looked into and she has been completely vindicated to say being accused of such terrible things devastated her. If you could help with the following it would be much appreciated once given the relevant forms which court would I register them in my ex's or in the place I live as she lives in a different town? Also is the interim order a seperate application to the contact order and submitted on a different form? Please forgive my ignorance I am struggling with not seeing my daughter and can't think clearly. Does anyone have any idea how long an interim order takes to put into place? I know I have to stay strong for my daughter's sake but being away from her is ripping me apart I can hardly function the one thing that drives me is she needs me to do this. Thanks in advance Steve

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Abuse 7 months 1 week ago #94249

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Hi,

Again from my partners experience, and understanding of going through all of it with him - i believe it should be the family court local to where the child lives.
As for the interim order, when you fill out C100 mention wanting an interim order in place.

Good Luck

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Abuse 7 months 1 week ago #94267

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You can put it in to the court where you live, but if she wishes she can apply to have it transferred and the court would almost certainly agree
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Abuse 7 months 1 week ago #94305

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Doing that would create more delay, whilst the case is transferred over. I would just apply directly to the court where they live.

Asking for an interim order on the application form is what you should do, the court should then allow for it to be discussed,
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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

Moderators: Samantha Downes