We have been going through the court now since April because my daughter has been scared to go stay with her mum due to her drunken and aggressive behaviour. As a result of my daughter’s feelings she has had quite a bit of counselling to help overcome her issues. The counselling finished last week and my daughter brought home a letter that she had put together about all her feelings about her mum and she was insisting we sent it to her mum as it’s the only way she feels she can tell her mum how she feels.
Due to the strong wording in the letter and knowing the upset it will cause we got some advice from the school about if we should send it or not. We were told that we should send it as it is all my daughter’s feeling and we should respect her wishes. We were also told that counselling should be extended as there seems to be so many more outstanding issues that need to be dealt with.
I past on the letter plus the recommendation of further counselling to my ex explaining my daughter’s wishes. In return I got a really nasty email from her solicitor saying that I can’t continue the counselling as my ex has parental responsibility because my ex does not agree to it, instead they want to ask the court to refer my daughter to a different counsellor as they think that the service that was provided by the NHS are not qualified.
What I was wondering, can my ex stop me continuing the counselling even though it’s in my daughter’s best interest to carry it on or can I just continue with it without her say so?
I would have a word with the school about her reaction and the solicitors involvement and demands.
Where are you up to with the proceedings? Was the counselling court ordered and do you have a Social Worker or Cafcass still involved with your case? If so, I would also advise contacting them to discuss this.
If your child lives with you, I’m pretty sure that the permission of both parents isn’t required for medical treatment, just the primary parent.
If possible I would get a letter from the counsellor about the importance of the letter being delivered, and also get them to confirm that they recommend further counselling.
I would also get a letter from the school to say that you asked for their advice about the letter and that they felt it was important to respect your daughters wishes and send it.
As the case is ongoing, it will help your case if you can offer proof that you have dealt with the issue of the letter appropriately.
You might also like to think about writing to the court with your concerns, attaching the solicitors letter and asking if it would be possible to get new directions in this matter, as in your opinion it would be harmful to your daughter to stop counselling, or to place her with a different counsellor as she has built up a relationship with the counsellor.
you could ask for recommendations from her for alternative counsellors - at least that shows you are prepared to consider her proposals. However, I would also speak to to her current counsellor to see if changing would be damaging, since presumably your daughter trust her current counsellor.
Cafcass have carried out a section 7 report which was done at the beginning of September. I did ask for some advice from them, but was told they have done their job and can only have further involvement if the court says so.
The counsellor did write a letter explaining that my daughter’s letter was the outcome of the counselling which was all passed on. My ex’s solicitor are questioning the the qualifications of the counsellor even though they are part of the NHS. I have spoken to the school and they have been very helpful. After half term I will try and a letter or report from them.
I think her solicitor is trying to make me look like I’m to blame for everything that has happened and I’m the one instigating everything, including this letter. It’s going to an interesting day next we are in court!
I would suggest that the NHS se vice is as good as any and that its not acceptable to change a professional just because someone doesn’t like the result!
I think if they start questioning the counsellors qualifications in court, they’re likely to get short shrift.
Yes, from what you said about the letter, it was probably hurtful for the mother to read, but the truth does hurt. If she wanted to make it right, she would take it on board and ask what she can do to change things.
If you have letters from school and counsellor stating that you had nothing to do with the writing of the letter and in fact showed concern about sending it to the school, I can’t see how you could be blamed and I would be making that point in court.