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TOPIC: Help, Dont know what to do.

Help, Dont know what to do. 2 weeks 6 days ago #97606

Im a single dad to a now 14yr old girl. I have had problems with her mother since we split when she was 2 years old. Stopping contact on and off for no reasons but to control / hurt and use daughter as a weapon.

A few years back I took her to court and got all the contact into an order.

Ex still tried to cause problems since this but things were alot better. Recently Dec 2018 i dropped my daughter off as usual no problems at all. She then started saying that she didnt feel like coming for a week or 2 which i did sort of moan abit at the time as i had planned stuff for us to do but reluctantly said ok, Ex and daughter started to make arguments with me about coming to which they did sometimes gang up on me so to both get their own ways.

Around christmas daughter said again she didnt want to come and i did see my bum again and had a little moan as booked and paid for things to do and had a few suprises to which we were going to do. She said that if i loved her i wouldnt moan at her for not coming and would just let her not come if thats what she wanted.

Boxing day came to which she was meant to come down for 4 days, i text to find out what time and where we was meeting and she said to me she wasnt coming, so given what she, I said i would really love you to come but if you dont want to then ok fair enough. Still kept texting me daily which she usually did.

New years day arrived. and got a text from her saying that she didnt want to come any longer, she was much happier with her mother, when she said she didnt want to come down for 4 days around boxing day you said ok which seems like you dont love me or care about me anymore. I tried to reassure her i did care and did love her like i told her that everyday and i only did that based on what she moaned at me for about having a go everytime she didnt want to come down.

She then stopped texting me everyday like she has done for many of years and only text me when she wanted something from me, to which i again tried to reassure her that i did love her and did want to see her. but she just ignored them messages.

its now the end of february ( nearly 3 months ) and i still havent seen her. she never replies to any of my texts which i text her 2/3 times a week to assuring her im still her, thinking of her and that i still love her. She has now changed her mobile number, well her mother has as its a contract under her name, and has given it to all my family members except me. Daughter has also been asking them to meet up with her as she is no longer seeing me. My ex doesnt reply to any of my messages and the only time she messages me is to make sure that im still paying my regular maintenance and we sorted it between ourselves.

I am really stuck and dont know what to do. I cant afford to go back to solicitors and court, for them not to do anything anyway.

I personally think my ex has finally gotten to her and turned her against me. She wont try and persuade her to come or even meet me to see or talk about whats going on and try to resolve any matters. Ex just blanks me or replies back its her decision.

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Help, Dont know what to do. 2 weeks 5 days ago #97614

  • Mojo
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Hi there

Your options are rather limited, you could adk a family member to set up a meeting between you and your daughter, as they have her contact number.

You could try writing to your daughter to tell her how upset and sorry you are, that you miss her so much and ask if you can both start again.

The other option is mediation and if that fails, an application to court to enforce the existing order. You don’t need to use a solicitor, we have many members that have done it themselves with much success and we would do all we can to advise and support you.

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

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Help, Dont know what to do. 1 week 6 days ago #97692

  • actd
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My worry about going back to court is that, at age 14, a court won't force your daughter to see you if she says she doesn't want to, which means that you face the real possibility of losing in court, which will hand your ex a victory. This is very difficult, and it's also at a time where your daughter is probably going out a lot more with her friends, and is becoming interested in relationships. I would suggest that your write a chatty letter to her every couple of weeks to keep in touch with her and to show that you are still thinking of her (keep a copy for yourself as well, in case your ex doesn't pass them on - at least you can show later on that you wrote) and in time, she may start to come back to you.

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Help, Dont know what to do. 1 week 5 days ago #97718

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I think a mixture of the advice above could be an approach.

Definitely write the chatty letters - do you have an email address or social media messaging that you can use for her? Just wondering if letters would actually reach her?

In terms of mediation and court - actd is quite right that a court isn't likely to force your daughter to see you, however they are likely to direct a wishes and feelings report which could prove useful?

Very difficult situation to be in due to your daughter's age. Best of luck

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Help, Dont know what to do. 1 week 4 days ago #97735

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It seems you can’t win, but I think the statement from her that because you didn’t object about missing her visit with you over Christmas, she thought you didn’t care or love her, is telling.

It sounds like she’s being coached by her mother, but it might be that if she sees you not accepting this new status quo, she might come round.

Attempting mediation, doesn’t have to be followed by court. Some mediators offer child inclusive sessions which might be helpful, she’s old enough to be included at 14.

The only other option would be some form of family counselling.

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

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