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TOPIC: Advice please

Advice please 5 months 2 days ago #97859

  • marcust
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Any advice please?

I am currently living with my ex (never married), my daughter 7 and her son 15. We have a mortgage on a house 50/50 split, she has tried to insist it is a 60/40 split and that as she put up the original deposit she is entitled to that back before any split occurs. I have asked many times to put the house up for sale yet she insist she will not and I need to move out as she will keep the house.

I have attended MIAM and she has refused to attend claiming she neither has the time or the money to pay for it. She works part time earns very little in comparison where as I work full time and for the last 9 years have paid the lion share as well as paid for everything extra like holidays, presents, repairs , contents etc.. Even to the point last year I put nearly all my redundancy money back into extending the house.

Both her and her son have ganged up on me screaming at me to move out of the house and I have had to get the police involved twice after she attacked me however neither time did I press charges.

I am sleeping on the sofa in the lounge as she refuses to give up the 4th bedroom which she uses as her office, this has been going on for 18 months and while my solicitor wrote to her she has ignored any plea to give me room to live. This is very uncomfortable and quite embarrassing as her sons friends come and go as they please and she treats the house as hers.

We now no longer speak, she is in a relationship within someone else and is making this part of my daughter’s life and even leaving flowers and cards around the house.

At this point I do not have a clue what to do, I am pissing money up the wall with Solicitors as well as paying a huge amount of money every month for a home I cannot relax in. Now that she has turned down mediation the solicitor says to commence litigation though I am not clear what that even means in terms of cost and process.

I assume this will cost me a fortune and I am obviously very worried about the outcome and the effect on everyone.

Regards

Marcus

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Advice please 5 months 2 days ago #97862

  • Mojo
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Hi there

This sounds like an awful position to be in, to be treated like that in your own home. I would urge you to press charges the next time the police are involved... this is domestic abuse and it’s not right, if you need someone to talk to you could call Mensaid.

www.mensaid.co.uk

As you’re not married and from what you say, she isn’t in a position to buy you out and take over the mortgage, it’s likely she will have to agree to sell. However, once solicitors are involved their fees will escalate quickly and any equity may be swallowed up.

It might be worth agreeing to a larger split for her, which would probably work out cheaper than the eventual solicitors bill. If she wants her original deposit, then you would be within your rights to say that the money for repairs and the extension would also need to be factored in.... just my opinion.

It might be worth going to see your mortgage provider, explaining the change of circumstances and asking if they could agree to a mortgage break or interest only payments, whilst you get things sorted out.

My area of knowledge is child contact issues, I’m not too knowledgeable about this side of things. You could try talking to Shelter or your local CAB.

www.shelter.org.uk

All the best

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Advice please 5 months 2 days ago #97864

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Thank you mojo for your reply.

She will not mediate and we cannot communicate so there’s nothing I can currently do about it from that POV.

I am already 2k into solicitor fees and yes it’s totting up quickly. She wanted mediation originally but was lying to me about the equity split so after I paid for evidence it’s 50/50 she now refuses to mediate.

At this point I see no option but to face court but I don’t have the active funds available nor do I even know what it will cost and who that falls on.

She offered to buy me out with an investor for a measly amount to which I obviously refused as it was less than I spent last year on the house.

I want an end to this so I can live a normal life

Thanks
Marcus

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Advice please 5 months 2 days ago #97865

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Your solicitor, your fees. The same for her... that’s why I said it can eat all the equity in quick time. You could try to negotiate a fixed fee for your solicitor, at least you know what you have to cover then... I feel for you Marcus.

Write to her and tell her this isn’t going away, she can either agree to sell, or all of the equity will get taken in solicitors fees... her choice.

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Last Edit: by Mojo.

Advice please 4 months 2 weeks ago #98094

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So yesterday I received a court application for occupation order, she is trying to remove me from my home. What can I do

Can I fight this, is a judge going to remove me from my home, her application is full of lies

Regards

Marcus

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Last Edit: by marcust.

Advice please 4 months 2 weeks ago #98112

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You should speak to your solicitor, it’s just a pity that you didn’t press for charges of assault when she attacked you. There should be a police record of it though, I would certainly want to bring it up... you’re the victim here.

If you want to sell, that should be what you ask for and to remain in the home until that happens. She can’t afford the mortgage anyway... speak to your solicitor.

Best of luck

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Advice please 3 months 2 weeks ago #98620

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Today had first court hearing , we took undertakings in the non mol order but despite being warned about charges she won’t drop the occupation order and refuses to give up either bedroom.

I paid 3.5k to defend her application worth it in my opinion as it looks pretty clear cut to me. She is defending herself

Sofa for 3 weeks then court for a final hearing hopefully I can get my costs back !

This stuff ain’t cheap

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Last Edit: by marcust.

Advice please 3 months 2 weeks ago #98632

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Cross undertakings are workable, it’s levels the playing field somewhat.

I do hope that her son has backed off from the abuse, although staying on the sofa must make avoiding them difficult.

I’m not sure of your chances at getting costs back, but good luck with it. Do please keep us updated and good luck for the final hearing.

All the best

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Advice please 3 months 2 weeks ago #98654

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my advice is do not go for costs unless it's part of another hearing - I agree with mojo that it's unlikely you'll succeed in getting costs, and the last thing you need is to incur further costs with your solicitor just to try to get costs back.

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Advice please 2 months 3 weeks ago #99048

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All,

An update to my case as today we had a final hearing, all in all I have spent £8.200 in solicitor fees and representation.

The Judge ruled against her occupation order as there were no grounds for her to make one and instead as per my wishes ruled she must vacate the master bedroom today and by Monday afternoon have removed all her belongings from it. So after 18 months of sleeping on a sofa and or staying somewhere else I now have my own room and bed back.

Additionally as this has been going on since November last year and the same requests and warnings have been sent to her the Judge did order me £4.400 costs that she must pay once the house is sold.

Don't know what will happen next but this is a huge relief

M
The following user(s) said Thank You: Faither

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Advice please 2 months 3 weeks ago #99050

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Having said this got home today after court she is refusing to adhere to the instructions and order she has been given in court and states she has 7 days to appeal..

urgh

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Advice please 2 months 3 weeks ago #99051

oh just throw some stink bombs into that room and say your enforcing the court order.

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