TOPIC: section 37, help alienation

section 37, help alienation 3 months 1 day ago #97950

Hi all,

I hope someone can help me on giving advise if you gone though this sad path.
In short background
I am a dad mid 30s yo.
I have 3 children.
1 from previous relationship 12yo. have share care Friday to sunday (Monday) every week and half holliday
2 children age 4 and 2 from my estranged wife.


Last july following an event as I return from work. My wife drunk with her sister insulted me and as I flee with my little girl in my bedroom my boy was asleep. My (ex) wife and her sister carry on insulting me and follow me soon after in my bedroom and assaulted me.
I try to asked them to leave but they wouldn't and scream and shoot. I asked my sister in law to leave she pushed me and slapped me and after I managed to let free they call the police and claim I try to strangle both.
I was arrested but soon release police refused the charged as no one had any mark, they were drunk and I was the one bleeding all over my arm, ripped shirt and bruise nose.

I didn't want to press charge as I was in shock and all I wanted was to return to my children.
After returning home the police drove me back in the early lunch time they asked my sister in law to leave as she was snoring on my couch, and my ex was a a birthday party next door.
My wife left for the week end to her parent. I wrote her a letter saying i wanted to separated as I couldnt live no more like that, I left for 5 days to get some space and needed to protect my eldeset son that was with me.
She came back home during that time while i was away and empty the whole house and left back to her parent. She refused the council refuge as it wasn't good enough for her. so stayed at her parent waiting for a council house.

15 days after I was served non mol and residency order.(now she wanted the home back and me to pay for it)
in return court I done a cross non mol as I wanted to open up on all the abused and pain I was victim of, but was scared that if I say what i lived the abuse and threat I would never see my kids.
Anyhow in court she droped the non residency as she couldn't afford the rent and said all I want is you to be homeless, but wanted to keep her non mol. I was told by the judge if i go for contested hearing it will cost me a fortune. I in fear as I dont have money drop my non mol and ask for undertake from her, she refused and stated she has the kid and can get council home.
anyhow it was clear we are separated and I didnt want to see her more than that but forcus on the kids.
So i took that non mol on base of no finding and no evidence. but it said on the order both application should be heard alongside each other.
After i tried mediation she never turned up and refuse all counseilling etc..
I asked to see my children she will only let me under the supervision of her parent 2 hours every 2/3 weeks
my kids are devastated and my eldest miss his sibbling so much.
I decided to do a c100 and c1a as the kids was constantly crying and living in poor condition. but the trigger was that she blocked me of the medical centre to acces health record of the children and cancel change appoitnment so I couldnt know what is happening. soon after she received the c100 during contact with my kid her father assaulted me. I reported them to the police but guess what nothing. They denied again.

she also change without my knowledge the pre-school of my son, it took me 4 week to find out where eh was with the help of his previous pre-school. School that he remain the monday. but attend the new one wednesday friday.

anyhow cafcass done a safeguarding letter, my ex accuse me of been abusif towards her. all that are a lies and really hurt. I sacrifice everything for her and the children. I never hurt her but couldnt live with her and the toxic behaviour.

court order a section 7 report.
cafcass on the report state
that both parent are in conflict
both parent make allegation against one an another.
but the chidren are living in poor condition under the mothers care. current condition.
mother has mental health issue and goes for anxiety and cbt treatment every week
mother has neglected the children and they were presented with injury probably due to the poor living condition
Her house (her parent house) is a tip the office claimed that she personaly triped over 3 time on detritus and toy scater all other the floor
the stair in unsafe and the children sleep with the mum on a double bed.
she also claim that the mother Alieanate the chidren and decribe some strong exemple
she also claim the children are expose to adult talking regularly
also that the children are expose to the mother emotional state and this affect the kids
but cafcass make recomendation of
contact to be order in supported centre as they cant make a residency recommendation at this stage.
but recommend a section 37 report but also i go for a dvpp

In return of the court her father was very threatening toward me again. Usher had to kick him out.
the judge didnt feel i should do a dvpp but order a section 37
My ex argue that i should go on a dvpp that I am no trust worthy for the children and this will give her 6 month to feel better as I wont pressurised her to se the kids.
I have 3 spychological report say i have no anger issue i have no mental health etc..
I also have a private social worker that made a report of very good contact and care and love with the children. I done everything I could to show im clean, I never drinked never did drug or whatever. I never had even a speeding or parking fine in my life.
but the judge then ask if I was wiling to do an assement of dvpp, I say I would do anything for seen my children again.

march i did an assessment and those people were rufless but I stood my ground that I am not a violent or abusif person, that I never had any conviction fine or caution or anything in my life.
And all her alegaiton no one never any find or any evidence was brough forward.
And I feel no suitable for a perpetrator course as I felt i was victime of it. so I was I feel judge unsuitable and I think she made that recommendation as I wasn't asked to go on a course so far.
Anyhow
now still uner the section 37
the social worker is doing it, they have now place the children under a children in need plan
all the action must be done by the mother
such as stop the adult talkin and alieantion
improve the living condition
improve the mental health etc.

Now I still only see the children in a contact centre 2 hours every 2 weeks. and this killing me and their brother that I take with me as he miss him sibling terribly.
now for the past 3/4 month i can see the children slowly changing as they dont see me often and they now saying more stuff like
mummy say you dont love me
mummy say you kick us out
mummy say you are nasty
etc...
for the past 2 session a children service officer was present and see me with the children and i would think they see how much we love each other and how much we are bounded. but last saturday she also I would think hearded my 4 yo boy saying those things.
My eldest was saying to his brother that he dont play lego no more and he put all the lego in boxes ready for him to play with when he get home and its his present. and his yougn sibling said that mummy said i will never , ever return home daddy is nasty.
mummy said he dont love me. And my poor kid then look at me and told me. daddy I love you, you love me. I respond of course son with all my heart. he said I know but when i say that mummy tell me off as she said you dont and you are a baddy.
Now what can i do next.
This is killing me and my eldest was in tear on our way back home he was so sad.
In return hearing end of april we should have the report presented to court
I dont know what will be the direction but I feel she know the non mol is due to finish and she want to delay as much as possible
I feel she will ask for the dvpp again, so we could head for a fact finding. (after 4 hearing!)
I am open to it as finaly i could show the lies and put my evidence of the physical assault she has made on me multiple time and all the emotional and control she did on me. (i was beaten by her, had 3 stitch on my face) i also had to have a tracker on my phone. Had to work 3 jobs for her, and wasnt allowed to see my family and friends.

so could be fact finding but how long this will take again? I would love it as I could expose the true for once.
But what if they made finding against me or her or nothing ? is it back to dvpp
and according to the dvpp I cant have access to my children and will risk of loosing my son that live with me Friday to Monday? I am scared

or what should I ask this alienation and brainwashing is hurting me the kids and all my family.
can they give me more access. I seek the custody as I have a fix situation, the safe family home, and have a clear and honest family plan that will envolve both parent without contact between each other.
but my ex refuse everything in her view I should only have contact in a centre end off.

What is my hope? i dont feel the social service is helping, she never meet me in person only overlooked at me at that centre, and i cant seam to trust what they do as they add stuff and if i say somehting to them on the phone they claim I am slightly desingenious

seams they drink mother words only the cafcass lady visited my home and find it very confortable and safe the chidlren service so far never did.

anyone has every got though somehting similar?
Iam a dad I love my children and care for them all my life. I work 9 to 5 but i have a flixble job and can work from hom, the pre-school and nursery is on the corner
and best of thebest my ex every evening is now working oposit my home. so everyday she leave my kids from 5pm to 9.30pm under her parent or sister or freinds care while she does her work. rather than me having the children.

what a joke

any advise on what can I do?
please anything is beter than nothing.
thanks
dave

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Last Edit: by essexdaddy70. Reason: misspell changed stuff for more anonymous...x

section 37, help alienation 3 months 1 day ago #97958

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Hi there

What a terrible ordeal you and your children are going through. Sometimes we hear such stories as yours on the forum, it’s not common, but Social Services can let families down.

Have you spoken to the officer that was present during the sessions with your children? I think you should ask her if she heard what your child was saying to you and if she will include it in a report to the court.

I understand that you have been a victim of domestic violence, is there any record with any of the authorities of what she has done to you? You can still go to the police and ask them to look into it, she is guilty of assault and coercive control, which is a criminal offence.

It might be helpful for you to give Men’s Aid a call, to talk to them about your case and all of the abuse that you’ve suffered. They’re a charity for men that have suffered domestic violence. Here’s a link to their website where you’ll find their phone number.

www.mensaid.co.uk

It might also help if you attend a Families Need Fathers meeting, hopefully there will be one near to you. They can give you support and advice, here’s a link to their website where you’ll find details of meetings nationally.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

It’s best if you try not to think too much about what might happen, it will only make you worry more. Just concentrate on where you’re at right now, deal with things as they come, one at a time.

Have you supplied a statement to the court, it might be a good idea to write a short statement to take with you to the next hearing, you can explain how your oldest child feels and how upset your other two are, ask if contact can move out of the centre and explain that as she works so close to you you could look after them during that time.

Hopefully the reports will be favourable t,you... try and stay strong.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

section 37, help alienation 3 months 1 day ago #97962

Dear Mojo

I have called the police twice and twice she was interviewed but denied.
One time for the assault on my face
The next was her father assaulted me and she came to me (while I had the non mol) and blocked my car insulted me and threaten me.
Police interviewed her for public desorder.
But as usual nothing ...

I’m in touch with fbf thanks

I have emailed this morning the author of the report as this is getting not only alienation but coaching the child and it is crual.

It will now be the 4th time we head to court...
Still no finding and no decision on custody

I m due to meet the children service Wednesday as we are doing monthly meeting to review the section 37
Not sure what will be said
But they seam one sided, and my ex has a support work that clearly feed stuff and insist on been present to my meeting and feedback all to her.

Those people never meet me in private, never ask for my version. They never wanted me to show my view.
I try to remain focus on the children as I resign to try as clearly they think in my view her word are gold my word don’t matter.

How long if I ask for a fact finding to put an end into this will this take to get a day? Is that a 6month wait?
More delay more delay...

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section 37, help alienation 3 months 1 day ago #97967

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It depends how busy the courts are, it could be months.

I don’t think the police can keep fobbing you off, it might be a good idea to ask to speak to the chief inspector and statethat you want them to take it further, as you have proof, I don’t think they can keep refusing.

If you call the men’s aid they have more knowledge of how to deal with domestic violence cases and what you can ask of the police.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

section 37, help alienation 3 months 12 hours ago #97980

Dear Mojo and anyone,

I will call them, I have good help from the FNF team, I have attended every single of their monthly meeting for the past 8 months and learn a lot.
Now they can't do all the work and just advise on the topics but its better than nothing.

Now just a question of view.

My ex has a support worker that
not only insist on been present to all my meeting with the children services, but also come with my ex to her Cafcass meeting, children service meeting, and even gone to court with her.
Last time in court they were outside laughing of me.

Furthermore, this same person makes a comment that is quoted in my s7 report. She alleges I breach the non-mol and I should see my children as I am not safe. I had never met that person before last month... And the breach alleged was a Christmas card that my child wrote for my ex in December. He asked me to sign it as it was Xmas (maybe my own fault) but we didn't give to her until she offers me and my son present and chocolates, this record in front of a professional social worker in December.
She even texted me as she knew it was from my son... then 1 month after as she knew the cafcass wasn't pleased with her report this as her social worker push her on doing so.
Anyhow the police and cps refused the charge and reject it as it was clear that this was (like her own solicitor said) non-intentional. and it was just a Christmas card as given to her in person by an 11yo boy.
But this person is using her position to influence on the services.
Now the last meeting with the children service I finally meet that support worker of my ex. I asked her why she was present at my meeting.
What was her position and reason of been her?
SHe said that she is here to support my ex, but also indirectly support my 4yo son. (nothing about my youngest one)
I wondering why she should be here. but it was clear to me she is feeding info as she requested a private meeting with the author of my section 37 report after our meeting.

Now, this person supposed to be supporting the children.
Why? She has been in the home visiting my ex-many time and never reported the poor condition of the house, but cafcass and children service themselves were horrified and judge the home dirty, unsafe and dangerous.
Why she visited the children often and never reported any of the injuries that NSPCC and cafcass has been able to see and witness
Why she has visited the children and apparently supporting them but everyone keeps on saying the children are alienated and are exposed to an adult talk
Why she is supposed to support the children but the mother mental health issue is clearly as per all the report affecting the children and they are exposed to emotional abused etc…
How can I asked for this person to be taken away from reporting as I don’t trust her and she in my view is biased. Also, how do I ask for someone like a specialist agency on alienation get on the case?
So much… I cant believe how a person that you shared life can be so hateful and wrong.

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section 37, help alienation 3 months 11 hours ago #97984

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Who is the support worker supplied by? She must have someone that is senior to her, perhaps you could speak to them about your concerns?

If her opinions form part of the reports, that makes her a witness and you should be within your rights to ask her to attend court at the final hearing, so that you can cross examine her about the discrepancies.

What do the people at the FNF advise you should do?

I’m not legally trained, but I would have thought if you have proof that this person is abusing her position and working against you, it might be possible to make an application for a Prohibited Steps Order to have her taken off the case... but my feeling is that if the other reports are coming out against the mothers behaviour etc then she is showing herself as biased and you could perhaps just make reference to it, but leave the court to draw their own conclusions.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

section 37, help alienation 3 months 11 hours ago #97985

SHe is a support working on behalf of safer place. (barnados )
As My ex from last year used them

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section 37, help alienation 3 months 11 hours ago #97986

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I absolutely understand your frustrations... the court and the other agencies seem to take so long to act, court can be very slow moving, but the truth usually comes out in the end, and the right decisions are made.

Just keep yourself focused on your own case and doing what is right by your children. Make sure the court have all the important information and reference the reports about the damage being done by the mother to back up your own case.
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

section 37, help alienation 3 months 11 hours ago #97988

sorry i forgot to precise she isnt appointed by anyone.

FNF is in a view to be carefull with her as when you connect the dot you can see that she is using her connection to twist the view.
She has not been order by any court or service to undergo any work especialy on my children.
but you know when a magical person from such an organisation talk everyone listen

Interesting fact is that my ex best friends worked for barnardos for 10 years!!!

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section 37, help alienation 2 months 4 weeks ago #97996

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So she’s not working as a Barnardos support worker in any official capacity? I would be tempted to speak to Barnardos about her, but as FNF have said, you probably need to tread carefully.

She’s an annoyance, but it seems to me that the truth is slowly coming out, from what you say, the reports from the official bodies are quite damning of the mother, I would concentrate on that. This support workers behaviour and lack of impartiality will become more apparent as the case moves forward.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

section 37, help alienation 2 months 4 weeks ago #98001

Hi Mate, i read your message. I'm going through a similar thing. I've been acussed of rape, child abuse
Been cleared of both. She has gone round telling
all my friends that i had sex with my mother, that i have mental issues. All lies. She is trying to isolate
me and destroy my life. I am very worried about my child. She treat her badly. 18 months old. Taking her into Family court. She is doing more intimidation towards me now.

There needs to be a change in the law to protect
Dads and children from this.
I hope things somehow get better for you and your kids. I know what you are going through.
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section 37, help alienation 2 months 4 weeks ago #98002

Thanks all

I’m due to see the children service today for a review of the section 37.

I will see what they have to say.
It feel to me that those people they say in public both parent have the same right on the child but in reality they will so anything and everything for the children to stay with the mother. They need so much to get them to start thinking (ok dad maybe need to see his kids)
Hopefully today they will review and ask for some change
Not sure what. Have no hope

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