• Page:
  • 1
  • 2

TOPIC: section 37, help alienation

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98030

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8258
  • Thank you received: 1699
Hi there

How did the meeting go essexdaddy?

If you or anyone else reading this is being intimated or abused, I would always advise speaking to the police, it can be difficult for guys to admit they’re afraid, or being abused, but it’s so important to speak up about it.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98036

Hello Mojo,

Well It went ok, So the children service told me that they had a report from the dvpp provider and I was deam unsuitable.
She then pushed me to accept a change of school near where My ex is living rather than next door to my home.
After the meeting with the professional she had a private meeting with me and told me that.
She will make a recommendation that the section 37 is carried on as she still have concerned for the children (living with mother)
She will make recommendation that the children lives with the mother (it hasn't been judge yet and cafcass didn't make any descision)
She told me that she want me to see the children as she hasn't got any concerned.
She asked me what support I have undergone I explained all the groups and club and stuff I did. (fnf, psycho therapist assessment, anger management assessment all saying I am good character, counseilling, children clubs, online course etc...) she was pleased and ask me to email her the list.
She then said that she want for the next 4 weeks (until the next hearing) still I see the kids in the centre, but then want me to have unsupervised access every 2 weeks in a public place the Saturday from 2 to 6pm, for 4 weeks, then 6weeks every fortnight 10am to 6pm on Saturday unsupervised access and the children can come to my home. then after to have 10am Saturday to 10am sunday at my home (overnight)

Obviously I am not happy about it as I seek the main custody. But I had to sort of smiled and thanks her for this as in my view the starting line is moving.
Now this is only a recommendation.
But this give me confidence as when I go to court I can challenge why she want this and not full custody or more if she has no concerned.
Now I asked her how and why isn't it more as I didn't really understand.
she said I work Monday to Friday 9 to 5pm
I told her I have a flexible work and I can work from home at least 2 days a week and can also move stuff about easy.
But I also asked
I have a home 2 bed the children lived and know the home it was their family home since day one.
I have an eldest son who live with me Friday to Monday every week +
I have a fix situation and no mental health or physical health and all the report show how much I have been carring and supportive to my family.
I also have the pre-school / school of my son just 200 yard of my home and the nursery is opposite

Now in return
My ex don't have home she live at her parent and all the children and her sleep in a double bed and the home has always been judge unsafe and dangerous.
SHe said well according to (her support worker (obviously)) things has improved
But she also will write to my ex a supporting letter so she can get a council house faster. LOL of LOL
I asked her why she made that descision as the children are clearly emotionaly abused and you and your colleague have witnessed that,
she said she may ask for an external agency to help and do some work to address that lol again
I asked her that My ex still have mental health issue and need support all the time she can go shopping without someone with her as she suffer from high anxity how would she live on her own?
Then I ask her who will be looking after the children in the evening? as My ex work opposite my house 45 min away from she she lives, so she leave the children from 5pm to 9.30pm with her parent or sister.
SO even if she get a home you telling me that she will drop the kids to theirs go to work then pick the kids at 9.30pm return home and put a 4yo and 2 yo in bed at 10pm? is that a life?
While I am home everyday at 5.30pm! and I could easely have the kids in school and after school club. ?
I also asked her why she is supporting her with letter when clearly she has the financial mean of having private home she has for the past 10 month no expense and I could see that she has now more than 8k of deisposable money. her father is also a director of a company and they have saving.
I mention that if you care for your children you immediately look for the best not having the kids sleeping on the lounge floor on a air matress for 6 month then on a double bed with mother 3 of them for 4 month!
furthermore I mention that I have given a parental plan that ws very fair as the school and club is literally oposit my ex working place so she can if she want see the kids every day just turn up 1 hour or more early spend time with them. And its a safe hand over place we don't have to interact and ideal for week end hand over and return to school on Monday
I also point out the mental distress the kids are going and alieanation and this is abuse and will never stop.
I also mentioned that council house isn't a pick and choose and she may be offered a home even at the oposit side of where her parent lives so this will make even more difficult for her to have child care and the school will change again and again.
Her response was the children has lived with the mother for 10 month I don't want to distress then further...
Mouth dropped... but I remain calm and said I am happy that starting line is moving but must mentioned that I feel its not fair and given what I mentioned I feel its not in the best interest of the children.
She responded that My ex was very unhappy already that I gain some access and more will cause tension..
But she hasn't make her report yet its due in 2 week and further information may change some of the recommendation.

Now what do you think? Am I to demanding or I am in right to think this is a joke and challenge that report in court?

I would think that I am in right to ask how did she make this conclusion and any right minded judge will think that I am in much better position and stable situation and the best interest of the children will be more towards me. But honesly I lost faith in the system some time ago...
Any opinion or fact I should asked or request?
Loved some feedback.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98038

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8258
  • Thank you received: 1699
I think you’re making some very valid points, and I would agree that you should challenge it. Once you have the report you can make a response to that, have you been ordered to provide a statement?
The following user(s) said Thank You: essexdaddy70

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98040

Well we are due to have the report done by the 9th but it’s up to the court wether we can see the report or not.
I would feel we normally will be disclosed the report but as she exposed her view to me she will make it public to us.
But I will make a statement and as she will be present in court and will definitely challenge that.
I feel any right minded judge will see through this and the fact that she has been feed the talk of my ex support worker.
Now also she hasn’t been given training on parental alienation but reported and mention about the child saying adult talk and she suggested that she may ask an external agency to support on that.

I feel that not only I will challenge her view on custody as I have in my view better situation and have a clear and fair parental plan
But have also the resource for the children in long run
Rather than hope of a council house that may be anywhere in the county for my ex and anyway she need support at home.
I feel that my ex has not demonstrated that she can solely looking after the children and having her on her own may represent a risk of emotional abuse but also that the care arrangements ie evening is absolutely ridiculous and not fit for purpose
Further more any school applications will risk of change as she get given home in the near future so further distress for the children
I feel that anyway her plan is way to slow and it’s been already 10 months and this must be dealt faster
Further more once the court give me a interim contact I will seek definitely a fact finding ASAP so I can finally show the true the lies and demonstrate the abuse I was victim of.

Now is that a risk of having back fire ?
Do I have a point on my view ?
Would you think I have a chance or missed something ?
Let me know

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98045

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8258
  • Thank you received: 1699
The reporting officer is basing her recommendations on what ifs, where as you can put forward solid facts about housing and work flexibility etc. And propose a working plan.

There’s always a risk that things won’t go the way you want or expect, it’s impossible to predict outcomes. However in my opinion if we don’t try, we will never know if we would have been successful or not.

You have a case and a fair argument so I think you should do your best to present it strongly. I’m not legally trained, this is just my opinion, so you must do what you think best.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98046

HI Mojo,

I am not legally trained either :-) but I feel like, you and many people around me that this is correct and square and fair plan. Now I know nothing always goes the way we would love to go. Still we are base on 1989 and 2003 child act with strong old view.
But I cant predict the outcome one thing positive is that the starting line as moved. And I feel it will be difficult to argue that if you have no issue on me seen my children at my home like you recommend therefor you have no concern so we are back to the 50/50 PR. So in my view its who can provide the best stability and flexibility around the children.

I will try to send one email to the officer before the report strongly pointing out few key fact as mentioned but also prepare a position statement for the court as to argue the recommendation and see what the judge said.
One way or the other starting line as moved and I will get the children back here. Nothing much (to me its a joke) but better than what I have.
And like many guys, I am build strong and I will keep going back and back and back until a fair and equal right and for the interest of my children.
The lies and the silver bullet that she used against me start to breach and hopefully things will evolve

Like I always said, I may not biologically have been pregnant (I am a man) of my children, I did put them here tho, but for the rest I did, have done and can do everything else and dam good. :-)
Thanks
Now shall if the judge order an interium contact ask for a fact finding ? or don't bother? the non mol is due to finish in 12 weeks.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98057

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8258
  • Thank you received: 1699
How does the non mol work with her working just over the road? It must be quite tricky.

If you can’t agree and there are cross allegations, the judge is likely to order a finding of fact anyway.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98071

Well, she does drive past my home every day and I m doing my best to avoid her. I have noticed her few time passing by in the evening but I make sure I avoid going for shopping or a walk around those hours. But the Non-mol doesn't give me a certain distance I should not approach just don't get in contact. (Shame she still wears my name...)
Never mind.

Yes What I would suggest it may be the way. What I would do is ask the judge to accelerate as this 4 week here, 6weeks that blah blah makes no sense and I feel it should be accelerated. But because there is no concerned to let me have the kids during those weekend until we face a fact-finding. I want one as I will be for once able to prove the lies the false accusation but also prove my say and back up my accusation with my evidence.
But like I say i have poor faith in the system as I was told even she is proven guilty of fact what will happen is a new report with fact made against her but still not much change. Hopefully, the matter will turn better.

What I don't understand is that this society would rather, giving council house, support worker, benefit etc to someone that can't even deal with things on her own that leave the child live with the father that care, love and can look after the children without costing anything in terms of benefit or needed housing etc...
And even if they house her, so what it's not going to be tomorrow, not going to be next door to were her parent live, can you trust her on her own, who looks after the kids in the evening when she goes to work>? And again more change for the kids? is that a stable life.

This system to me make no sense at all but he oh I'm down here, and thats up there.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98076

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8258
  • Thank you received: 1699
You can only do your best and put as strong a case forward as you can. The system is flawed, but it does work for the majority of people, I think the more complex the case and the more hostility involved, the harder some courts find it to assert their authority.

Just keep chippling away at it and hopefully you’ll get there... patience is your ally right now.

All the best

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

Last Edit: by Mojo.

section 37, help alienation 1 month 3 weeks ago #98095

Thanks, Mojo

The authors of Section 37 is due to give a report in few days and as far as I am aware the children still on the children in need plan as she invites me for another meeting in early May. So to me, she still has concerned over the current life and situation of the children. She has emailed me this week as she wants recommend to me for something called: Dad’s Can - Positive parenting for male carers.
Ok, I will do I think its a group of dad that play with their kids to learn some tricks etc...
In my view, so she has no concern but recommends that as she must try to say something to appear balanced the report.
I am due to meet the FNF member but will prepare based on her report (if I am due to see it as she don't have to send it apparently), a response and challenge that verbal recommendation as this isn't fair 48hours in a month OMG! especially that I live with my eldest that is in young age and want to spend more time with his bro and sister.
I will work on a position statement but to me now it seems that regardless of both parents having made allegation of DV against each other the social service has received assessment from DVPP not suitable, they even told her that I should just get help to protect my kids rather than that.
So will see I will see going two way either direction for final hearing or
Asking for fact-finding. If its the second case as there is no concerned I will ask for interim order with at least 2 overnights in the meanwhile based on the recommendation as the case must move forward. (it may take some time to get a date)
but slowly the shell is cracking.
I could hear my ex from the corridor shouting and screaming and crying when the Social service told her that they made recommendations of access. in my view, my ex was very much against and I feel the children service wanted to give me more but because my ex and her parent present kicked off she sort off lower it down. her meeting overran by 1 hour! and everyone could hear the noize, not the conversation but boy oh boy.

As you said I will present the parental plan again,
I will present strong argument as I can provide a stable and child focus life.
I can also place a good balance for mother to have access without us meeting or having to contact until matter settle.
Also, I have strong evidence that the social worker my ex has, have interfered and didn't report the current situation and concern in view of bias the file.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2
Moderators: Samantha Downes