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TOPIC: Child Visitation arrangements. Help needed!

Child Visitation arrangements. Help needed! 2 months 3 weeks ago #98048

My situation is as follows,
I’m divorced for around 2 and a half years and have 2 daughters (5 and 3 years) with my ex, contact with them has been, for the most part, consistent. However there have been times when contact has diminished to a certain point, I won’t play victim as I have been to blame for a number of these occasions and I don’t want to make any excuses for myself. But also my ex has cancelled visits on me on a number of occasions, stating that my daughters have said they don’t want to see me so she will not force them too.

My problem, is that now I’m in a much better position to be able to take on more regular visits than I have been having for the past 2 years, as until present my visits have been meetings with them in which my ex stays for the duration of time that I or they are available (Usually around 2 hours).
These visits are only once every 8 days as I work a 4 day shift pattern, which in all fairness can conflict with school/working hours, however I feel I’m not getting enough time with my kids anymore.

I’ve expressed this to my ex and that I want to change the arrangements so that I get to have my daughters without her presence, as there is no court order for supervised visitation, yet regardless she hangs around. I’ve expressed I wish to have regular visits in which our daughters stay with me on weekends I have available, however I’m not getting much in the way of help from my ex, I’m offered that only my eldest daughter could stay, as the youngest wouldn’t be comfortable being away from her mother.

In fairness, she has agreed to what I have stated as my wishes, However it seems like I’m being lied to as I’ve been trying to make this happen for the last 6 months roughly, and it feels like I’m getting nowhere.
I’m considering legal action, I’m considering mediation, but I honestly just want some experienced opinions before I do anything that could make things worse.

Please help?

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Child Visitation arrangements. Help needed! 2 months 3 weeks ago #98056

  • Mojo
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Hi there

It’s totally understandable that you want and should expect contact time with your children, without the presence of your ex.

As she is open to negotiation and is, on the whole, in agreement with your wishes, the natural next step would be mediation... hopefully it will help,her to realise that this isn’t going away if she just ignores it!

It might also be helpful for you both if you complete a parenting plan. You will find more info about this in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section. If you print off a couple of copies and ask her to complete one too, you will have a better idea of what needs talking about at mediation and what can be agreed easily. The mediator can help you with a Memorandum of Understanding, which will set out what you have agreed. Try and get a defined timetable and a schedule that will take account of your shift pattern.

Court should always be a last resort and can put a lot of strain on the relationship between separated parents, it would be a pity to spoil the remaining civility between you, so I would advise that you do what you can to work it out between you.

If mediation fails and the agreed changes aren’t implemented, the mediator can sign off the form to enable a court application.

Best of luck
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Child Visitation arrangements. Help needed! 2 months 3 weeks ago #98104

  • actd
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I would hope, that from what you have said, your ex might just agree to anything that can be mutually agreed between you in mediation . Hopefully you won't need to go further - certainly I would ask her if she's prepared to try mediation in the first instance.

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