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TOPIC: All the help i can get

All the help i can get 2 weeks 1 day ago #98107

So my ex partner recently gave birth to our baby boy. We split up around a month after she found out she was pregnant but both agreed i would be involved and wouldn’t be shut out of his life.

Through out the pregnancy there was issues as she would either not tell me things or ignore me. I made multiple offers to help buy things & help if she needed absolutely anything all which got refused & i have the messages to support this

When she found out the gender it was posted on snapchat before she had told which caused an argument between us nothing nasty was said tho.

We stopped talking for a couple of months but around January sorted things and were back on speaking terms.

She said I could be at the birth and she would call me when she goes into labour when this happened she didnt phone or message me but claims she does. I didn’t find out he was born til 3 days later.

Since then i have only seen him twice for an hour each time. She has refused to put me on the birth certificate as I apparently havent supported her and doesn’t want my family seeing him.

Shes refusing me access to see him & said if you dont like it then take me to court. Im usure on what to do or how to start the process.

I know she had some mental issues from past experiences but the way she is im starting to worry shes not actually safe to have the baby. I don’t think she would harm him but i just worry about him.

Ive asked for us to sort things between us but has been refused every time and she doesn’t bothered if it goes to court

Any help would be greatly appreciated

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All the help i can get 2 weeks 1 day ago #98114

  • actd
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She may still be affected by the hormones from pregnancy, but otherwise, your first option is to try mediation (you'll need to try this anyway before proceeding to court). It might be wise to tell her yourself that you want to try mediation and that you are going to find one, that way it's not something out of the blue for her.

Try www.nfm.org.uk

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All the help i can get 2 weeks 1 day ago #98118

  • Mojo
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Hi there

It’s such a shame that she is behaving this way, but as actd has said, her hormones will still be all over the place, lack of sleep also plays its part!

You haven’t said how old he is, but it's best to give it a couple of months or so to see if things settle down... however, after that I would advise you start the ball rolling with mediation.

Once you’ve had a chat with the mediator, they will write to her and ask her to attend, If she refuses or mediation fails, the mediator will sign off the form to enable you to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order.

Things will move slowly, particularly whilst your baby is so young. If the mother is breast feeding, contact will most likely be short and frequent., possibly with the mother present.

It would also be a good idea to attend a parenting course, to show the court that you are taking your responsibilities seriously. It’s very common for the mother to use the excuse that a new father doesn’t know how to care for a baby, so taking care of that will help if you end up in court.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

All the help i can get 2 weeks 1 day ago #98119

she used to take a tablet i never knew what for and where all her other meds she told me what they were for she didnt with this one.

She stopped taking after she got pregnant and thats when things went south.

Shes made it clear i wont be on the birth certificate id prefer to sort things between us but shes making it impossible unfortunately

How do i go about being added to the birth certificate?

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All the help i can get 2 weeks 11 hours ago #98129

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There are two ways to achieve that... the first is by agreement with the mother where you would fill in a Parental Reponsibility Agreement form and take it to your local family court to have it signed and witnessed.

The second is when the mother doesn’t agree and this would entail an application to the court for a Parental Responsibility Order. Often this is applied for together with a Child Arrangements Order for contact.

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DadTalk Moderator...

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I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

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