It's a great term to explain people like that.
It's inevitable that somewhere down the line I will most likely have to communicate with my ex and the same will probably apply with you but for now the no communication is what's working for me and although I doubt my ex's attitude will ever change it's not the case for everyone and co parenting can sometimes be achieved through time.
Sparky101 wrote: Kids pick up on things at an early age and are very observant so another thing I would avoid is bad mouthing your ex etc when ever your child is with you. Once you have contact make it about you and your child and also show them how great a dad you are and give them the love and attention they need and your child will grow up with a different view of you to the poisonous views of many a bitter and vindictive ex.
yes good points. be careful. its amazing what young kids such as 3 year olds remember. they notice EVERYTHING! even though they visit my place every other weekend, they notice that the curtains in the front room have changed. one asked me, how comes mummy didnt give any clothes with us this time?
Bill337 wrote: yes good points. be careful. its amazing what young kids such as 3 year olds remember. they notice EVERYTHING! even though they visit my place every other weekend, they notice that the curtains in the front room have changed. one asked me, how comes mummy didnt give any clothes with us this time?
My little one is 3 and picks up on everything as well and will tell me whats been going on back home without me asking anything, she will just come out with things hence why I mentioned it to Justbeingdad to watch what is said around children.
I'm getting fed up of the games from the ex and I can't lie, it's stressing me and getting to me.
First of all, her friend claimed she moved out of her dad's address just after I submitted my C100. Her friend didn't give me her new address. I'm not sure whether to believe this anyway as she's lied about moving before. She's definitely received the court order as a friend told me she told him. She's not filled out the C7 acknowledgement form (probably argue she didnt get the court letters) but I've been told by members on here not to worry about that and just turn up to court. Cafcass will be phone interviewing me in few weeks and I assume they'll interview her too (if she's bothered responding to their emails).
Then last week she started a CMS claim despite me already starting to make payments. I can only imagine this was tit for tat in response to court papers she received. Today I received another letter from CMS where she's provided details of the account she wants payments made in to but for address it states "not provided". I feel this is just trying to rub salt in wound. Almost like "hey not going to tell you what my address is".
I told CMS that I started making payments the day before she lodged app for CMS and also paid her a lump sum for my son out of goodwill. Their reply "yeah sometimes we don't get why mothers apply when father is already paying". But they won't tell her that and they won't tell her that the lump sum I paid was out of goodwill and CMS wouldn't have been able to get that out of me.
She ignores my texts and wants to use CMS to communicate with me. I find it very childish and immature. She's only able to do this because there's a kid involved and is trying to control me, payments and not letting me see son.
I have been going through this mess since 5 months now of alientation and ignoring me. Now despite me doing my part of making payments she can't do her part. I feel tortured, humiliated, vilified and feel like she's turned this in to a battle where she's always winning. It's getting to me. She always gets one over me.
Fed up of this and court hearing hasn't even arrived. I'm getti thrown about just because she didn't get what she wanted and decided to leave me but only come back on her terms. When I said no and that I had enough the punishment started.
When will she get that she's being immature and childish?!
Like others have mentioned to you about the court forms etc, dont worry about it, when you get your court date show up at court and if your ex doesn't show then it will only look bad for her not you.
The cms payments unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do, my ex done the same thing with cms, they wanted me to make payments into her account via bank transfer every month I told them where to go and said they could take the payment directly from my wages even if it costs more and because of that they also deduct a small amount from the money my ex now receives which she wasnt happy about but not my problem, I'm doing my part and paying child maintenance.
As mentioned before completely ignore your ex and the games she is playing because getting stressed over it isn't helping you, deal with everything through lawyers/court, the less you communicate with her the less likely she will play these games or they will at least become less frequent over time. People like that are attention seekers and the less attention you give them then they will eventually get bored and move onto something or someone else. It will take time but believe me she will eventually get bored if you do not rise to the bullshit and games. Good luck
justbeingdad, please ignore all her crap and focus on court hearing. i am in same situation as you. she became a freak of nature and refused to tell me where shes staying. so i gave up trying to find out and kids told me anyways lol. she refuses direct contact with me too. i let CMS get hold of her, and they gave me just the bank details. fine and life goes on. just try and forget about her and move on with your life. you deserve better.
Thanks folks. Appreciate the reassuring messages. I need to stay focussed and not let her silent treatment/discard annoy me.
My son Adam is only a year old and we've been separated for 4 months now. He doesn't know who i am and that saddens me a lot. When I was meeting him intermittently in the 4 months, he cried when he saw me because I was a stranger to him. The disgusting part is the mother doesn't seem to find this sad and is quite content that Adam is comfortable around her dad and brother but not me. I worry how well bond once contact is arranged and worry that if it's not often enough then how will he recognise me.
I've not seen him since a month now and not trying to arrange through her, Her friends or family as they just play around with me. Hence the court app.
Agree with what bill337 said in his last comment.
Move on and forget about your ex, concentrate on the court hearing and once you get your contact you can focus on bonding with your son.
Your son might not know you that well at the moment but that will change when you do get contact, these things take time but I promise you once you get your contact with your son it will be worth it in the end.
Even if your son cries and wants his mum the first few times you do see him, persevere and dont let that get to you or discourage you, it's only natural for your son to be like that as he will be around your ex all the time but he will eventually get to know and bond with you through time.
My son Adam suffered from fractured in june whilst me and ex separated. She didn't tell me about it at the time.
I submitted a subject Access request to the hospital and they have now sent me all the notes. I cannot believe the manipulation and lies my ex has come out with.
She told the hospital there has been domestic violence in the pass with me! What the hell. Why would you randomly say that when we werent event together at the time of Adams fracture?
My son was given a cast to wear for 6 weeks. She had an appointment with social worker in those 6 weeks and in the social services notes there's no mention of my sons cast when they describe his appearance. It seems like she took the cast off before her meeting with the social worker.
It seems she had an agenda from the beginning and was making sure she has things documented.
I cannot believe the amount of lies she and her family have sprouted for the past 6 months.
It's extremely sad to read these messages and how exes use kids to punish the other parent.
In my case, my ex started to reduce my time with my children after I informed her that I was having a child with my partner, my ex actually suggested to my partner that we get together after my ex and i had split up!
It got to the point that I was being accused of being a poor dad, causing the children anguish and depression when all I was doing was being a dad.
I wish I could have taken action sooner but I was worried that my ex would stop access unless I did what she said.
She stopped access recently and now I am starting my next journey through court.
I read lots of good news stories and tips on here and other sites and it really helps get you through the days.
So my ex narcissistic partner has been trying to contact me to talk to her about other stuff and not happy about me going through courts for contact. I ignored all those messages but now she has said my son's not been well lately out of blue!
She's now using my son's health as a way of getting me to respond and react. I feel like she's setting me up for a trap where If I go see him she will try to talk to me about our relationship and I don't want to. Or she will make false allegations and get me in to trouble.
On the other hand if I show I'm not concerned about my son's health then she might use that against me.
My ex has a high need for control and she has been doing all sorts in past week to get me to react but it's not worked. Now she's using my son and I know it's probably not true or not serious. I contacted a mutual person who we both know and asked him to request my ex for my son's doctors details so I can be in contact with the doctor direct rather than go through my ex who's plotting things. He said he will message her but I've not heard from him since. I tried chasing him but he is extremely busy lately so wasn't able to get an update. My ex won't talk to anyone else so it's pointless me trying other people.
I also fear that she may be trying to get me to respond to her texts and emails and then claim harassment then get non mol order for legal aid.
I have cafcass interview coming up and court hearing in months time. So far I've not tried attempting any contact with ex but and this has been working.
What is your advice. I feel if she messages me again about my son's health then I'll call 111 and get them to clinically assess my son by giving ex's number and have the conversation with them recorded.
I'm not willing to visit my ex because she is malicious and I don't trust her anymore. She emotionally abuses as well as psychologically so I don't want to talk to her at all.