TOPIC: Daughter supposedly refusing to see me.

Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 4 months 2 days ago #98865

So after all the previous cases it would now seem my daughter is refusing to see me.

My daughter is currently going through counselling and has apparently stated she doesn’t want to see me and is currently feeling very low.

The ex sent me a message saying my daughter wasn’t coming to see me at her own request and then a text a week later saying my daughter doesn’t want to see me anymore and I should respect her wishes and feelings and I should take it up with her councillor if I have any problems. Surprisingly though no talk of how we should be working together to ensure our daughter is happy.

I haven’t responded as yet as I’m currently just going through a family bereavement. I do have a contact order and mum has worded it so she hasn’t actually denied contact, am I right in thinking I should tell her it contact doesn’t take place I will consider it as a breach of the order?

My daughter is happy when she’s here and I know deep down this is a case of parental alienation and her being coerced to say she doesn’t want to see me! I’m deeply concerned that I wasn’t also informed that she was going to counselling despite me having parental responsibility.

Any help or advice how to deal with this and how to proceed?

Much appreciated.

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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 4 months 1 day ago #98871

how old is your daughter? only way you will really know if alienation has taken place is if you meet your daughter, or phone contact?

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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 4 weeks ago #98937

Do you have any contact with the counciller - could they provide an independent view and facilitate a true picture.

It has a very familiar ring to it for the controlling parent to say the child doesn't want to when it is actually the adult with the issue.

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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 4 weeks ago #98945

Oh my god! This is the exact same situation with my daughter. The ex has turned her against me and said horrible things about me to her. It is clear there parent alienation taking place but what can I do about it?
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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 4 weeks ago #98952

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...you’ve got mediation soon Dave, see how that pans out. You could let her know that if mediation fails and she won’t agree to the midweek stay over, you will be applying for a shared care arrangement, which means that the children will have two homes and live with both of you, thus equalising your parenting position...it may make her think that accepting an extra night is the lesser of two evils!

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #98979

Bill337 wrote: how old is your daughter? only way you will really know if alienation has taken place is if you meet your daughter, or phone contact?


Thanks for the post, she’s 12.

I can’t meet her because the ex is stating she doesn’t want to see me and I should respect that. I also don’t have any phone contact at all.

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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #98980

its worth it wrote: Do you have any contact with the counciller - could they provide an independent view and facilitate a true picture.

It has a very familiar ring to it for the controlling parent to say the child doesn't want to when it is actually the adult with the issue.


I’ve spoken to the councillor and she has stated that my daughter is feeling very low and she has stated to her that she doesn’t want to see me.

I’m extremely surprised as contact has gone well and she’s always happy when she’s with me.

I know she’s previously been coached and told what to say in the past and she’s even admitted this to me in the past.

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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #99010

I thought if you have a contact order then you have the right to see your child as per the court order, even if the child says they don't want to see you. Surely there has to be a valid reason for contact to be stopped by the child. Just saying they don't isn't enough is it??

I feel i might be in the same situation soon, my son said he doesn't want to see he (he was in a mood), lots of PA from his mother since I moved in with my partner and her child.
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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #99012

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That’s right puma, but for that to happen the other parent has to make the child available... breaches of orders are common unfortunately, it’s down to the denied parent to make a fresh application for enforcement of the existing order, and the court is slow to act, if at all... success rates for enforcement proceedings are incredibly small, most turn into variations of the existing order.

With the child’s mental health issues, the court are likely to view that as a good enough reason for the breach, however they will investigate the situation, if Villarkita decides to make an application for the breaches.

At 12 his child will be listened to, but the responsibility to decide whether to see a parent shouldn’t be made by the child and contact should always be encouraged, but how do you prove that isn’t being done.
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #99018

Mojo wrote: That’s right puma, but for that to happen the other parent has to make the child available... breaches of orders are common unfortunately, it’s down to the denied parent to make a fresh application for enforcement of the existing order, and the court is slow to act, if at all... success rates for enforcement proceedings are incredibly small, most turn into variations of the existing order.

With the child’s mental health issues, the court are likely to view that as a good enough reason for the breach, however they will investigate the situation, if Villarkita decides to make an application for the breaches.

At 12 his child will be listened to, but the responsibility to decide whether to see a parent shouldn’t be made by the child and contact should always be encouraged, but how do you prove that isn’t being done.


Thanks for your reply

I have posted off my completed c79 today so I guess it’s just a case of waiting for the court to get back to me with a date.

I’m hoping the letter and texts I’ve received just saying that I should just respect my daughters feelings and wishes will go towards showing contact is not been actively encouraged.

I am also going to approach mediation and see if that’s a possibility.

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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #99031

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Best of luck with it, your previous experience of court will help you, and we are always here to advise and support.

All the best
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Daughter supposedly refusing to see me. 3 months 3 weeks ago #99032

Mojo wrote: Best of luck with it, your previous experience of court will help you, and we are always here to advise and support.

All the best

Thank you.

I know it’s going to be a dragged out long affair and it will no doubt turn in to a variation but I’ve been left with no choice really.

Am I right in thinking I’ll need a brief position statement when we attend court?

Hope you are well

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