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TOPIC: I am a mum and need advice

I am a mum and need advice 3 weeks 3 days ago #99736

Hiya
I had to flea an abusive guy nearly 2 months ago now. Lots if story in-between worse since xmas 2018. He has our m iddle son because he found me and took him. I called police and they said he has pr and since no court order was place. He was classed as high risk though and marac as his threats were about annihilating me and he also showed me a basebat bat with blood he claims from an curt case he got out of and SS were informed.. He was just awful to me never physical except maybe a push and grabbed my arm once l but threatening and extremely conniving and devious. And controlling. He wanted me out of the house and the way he done it and my kids saw all this well my eldest is 6 and all for just telling him not to shout at my youngest 20 months for spilling cereal. Honest. I gave him everything and tried my best to notuoeet him. The relationship has been emotionally abusive.

I can understand if he caught me in bed with someone else but I was always loyal to him and loved him. I just was told to get out if I ever said anything about the way he talks to the kids or discplines them anything really He would shout really menacing and smack kids sometimes for no reason other that being toddlers. His mum called him when my son was 18 months old and tells him to smack him hard. I tell him don't you dare. The mum is narcissistic abusive woman. Screwed 2 men over lied about the real father of her boys and turned all of them against him and step dad left her after she broke him. Never worked in her life yet kept houses and money lol. What a joke to justice. Her other son's keep away from her and don't have nothing except a phone call and Card. They also live in different parts of the works far far away and will not let her see their kids. Lol honestly she is mad and my ex can't see it well he did but then says she is fine.

Anyway police were involved and SS due to the way he took my eldest. He ran up behind me and literally snatched him and took him away from all of us. He even has a marac and then his mum I believe it was her as she wants all her son's to split up with their partners and loves lying and destroying people plus she told someone I know she would split us up somehow called as and said I was the one hitting them and neglectting them and I said he was shit in bed and emotionally abusive. Non if it's is true. She went to speak to my eldest. This was 3 weeks ago. I'm waiting for legal aid but I deserve it.

He treated me like crap and sometimes the kids but despite all this and there is more I haven't mentioned. I truly believe he does deserve a part of the kids lives. Somehow. He has had my son for 4 weeks now and emailed me. He has put me through hell and I've lost so much more weight. Yet with anger management and help those kids will need a dad but a bloody good one which I know he can be sometimes but but but he has to really change. I am done with him even though I loved him. His threats and behaviour threats of being kicked out of his house even though I took care of the kids and house. I gave up my tenancy to be with him.
I am not going to make things up to take the kids away forever and I stand by what I say. Now marac is in place due to how he has acted. What would happen in court now? He has the house and they have everything and I am back at mum's at an older age and not much at the moment.

I wanted to do mediation but he threatened me with that too. Then he said yesnwhen I left but is he trusted. I honestly don't know but as a family we are split up now and need to make it about the kids. My eldest was never happy with him. There is no drugs and drink involved either. He still has my other son now and emailed me too. I understand cafcass might be involved as well. Any advice what happens legally.

Thank you

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Last Edit: by Heartbroken23.

I am a mum and need advice 3 weeks 3 days ago #99744

  • Mojo
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Hi there

It sounds like you’ve had a hard time of it, unfortunately it’s impossible to predict what might happen in court. Hopefully, you won’t need to wait too much longer for legal aid and your solicitor will be able to answer any legal questions you might have.

You’ve been through a lot, yet you understand that your child needs both parents... you’re absolutely right when you say that you need to make it about the kids.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

I am a mum and need advice 3 weeks 2 days ago #99768

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Courts generally don't like siblings living separately but as Mojo said - impossible to predict outcomes.

You can either wait for Legal Aid or make an urgent application yourself.

Best of luck

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I am a mum and need advice 3 weeks 23 hours ago #99788

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That’s a good point Yoda... courts are often loathe to separate siblings and the way he was snatched should be viewed with concern.

It might be a good idea to speak to your solicitor about starting the court process with an urgent application, for your sons return, which you could do yourself whilst waiting for the legal aid funding to come through. If you’re on benefits you can claim an exemption from the court fees, which would help.

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

I am a mum and need advice 1 week 2 hours ago #100037

Thank you for the replies. I am sorry if some of my post did not make sense. It has been 7 weeks since I have seen my son. He is only 3 and it kills me evrryday. I know her brother and sister 2 and 6 years old are missing him too. I am just getting more worried as my son has speech delay and everyday he is away from me I lost my bond with him. His dad has always been controlling and with my 3 year old the most and I do wonder if he could soeak who he would choose? His dad be lovibg and playful then shout and smack him for the supidest of things but my son still craves his dads love. I have no idea if he even want to be with me now. We are staying at my mums and its not a big place either but my daughter is getting on so much better at school and at home. My other 2 children are not as attached to their dad even before all this but more my middle son the one with him now

I had no idea legal aid would take so long but the latest was my national insurance didnt match my name even though ive always worked pre kids and job centre typed it in and it showed my record so had to sent proof for that last week.

My ex asked for mediation as you know I dont think its possible with him at all. It just will not work without a court order and set date that are legal if that makes sense.

In the meantime I have to keep waiting .

I just want the best for the kids in all this and hope my son is happy with is dad for now but I dont want to lose him or any bond

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I am a mum and need advice 6 days 22 hours ago #100039

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It’s very upsetting for you all, but please be assured that your bond with your child won’t be lost, and it’s great that your daughter is getting on better

It’s so frustrating when paperwork goes missing, hopefully the proof you sent will be enough to get your Legal Aid in place.

As there has been abuse in your relationship, mediation isn’t a prerequisite, although if you wanted you could agree to shuttle mediation, which is where you would both sit in separate rooms and the mediator would go between you.

Could you ask Social Services to arrange for you to see your child in their offices perhaps? The way he was taken was wrong and it will have left him distressed and confused.

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

I am a mum and need advice 6 days 19 hours ago #100046

Thank you. Apparently social worker saw my son and he seemed fine. He is fine at nursery too but he lives far away cant say where as give details away but in the holidays I could ask. He cant communicate well so it will be hard for him to express himself. Social worker said he is accusing me of emotional abuse. its hilarious what he said and I could not keep a straight face lets jist say bedroom department was never an issue but there you go. Its he said and she said.

I guess I worry about the bond as the weeks pass and I never stop thinking of him but need to stay super suprer strong for my other 2.

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