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TOPIC: Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight

Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100652

Hi everyone,

To try and give a bit if a fore story, my ex and I split up when my son was a few months old. He is now 8 months old. She moved away to Carlisle with him, I stay in Glasgow, where my son was born. There was abuse from her end so we do not communicate but I am still in communication with her parents regarding organising seeing my son.

He is now 8 months old, and I am trying to organise or establish when ill be able to take him overnight, so back up to glasgow with me (1 hour on the train). They are saying not til he finishes breastfeeding which would be up til 2 years old.

I dont know how to react. Surely breastmilk can be expressed and refrigerated for the journey up to mine where it would be stored in a fridge and bottle fed as I was used to doing when we still lived together. I feel reluctant to just accept that I wont be able to have my son overnight until he is 2 years of age.

Please help.

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100656

My kids were Breast and bottle fed so that They were used to powder milk / bottles ...

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100657

She was always against formula and powedered milk

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100658

hi wyatt,

its very rare for an 8 month old baby to stay overnight with dad. during my court stuff, social worker asked me if i wanted my 5 month old daughter to stay overnight, (probably trying to find out if im nutty lol). i told her thats out of the question, as shes still breast-feeding and will be too attached to mum.

i recommended that when she turns 1, she can spend couple of hours with me and then go home. and when she turns 2, then can start overnights. at present i see her for 1 hour every 2 weeks. i also have another 2 kids, and overnights started when one was 2 and a half years old.

i was expecting my ex to say same thing, that she will breastfeed till child is 2. but surprisingly she said till 1. when we were together, she stopped breastfeeding at 6 months lol.

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Last Edit: by Bill337.

Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100670

Oddly enough I know children who were 8 months old or younger when they stayed overnight with dad but the difference was that the ex-partners got on so it was a private arrangement. In your case you don't get on so I would wait until the child is older.

Meanwhile build up spending longer hours with the baby so by the time they stay overnight with you as a toddler they are use to spending at least 8 hours with you on their own. That way when they do the mother cannot claim spending overnights with you upsets your child. (Yes it means hard work and lots of traveling back and forth on your part but short term pain for long term gain. Just make it clear from the start you are not your ex's default baby sitter when the child is older. )

In regards to breast feeding - after 6 months a baby is considered weaned. While mothers are encouraged to breast feed as long as possible - 2 years and beyond -, after a year it's expected a toddler is drinking from some form of cup most of the time. Breast feeding at this age in developed countries is more for comfort than nutrition. In developing countries breast feeding as long as possible is encouraged due to poor water supply, to decrease the risk of malnutrition and because it can decrease fertility.

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100671

Yeah well i understand so thats why I came here before even replying to them. It makes sense to build time with my son and reestablish the bond and things like that. They are quite good with allowing me to have time myself with him for a few hours and I dont mind travelling down to do so, id go to the end of the earth regularly to see my boy.

The comment about not being the main babysitter for him i dont understand? I am not, thats his grandparents, but I would absolutely love to be, at least during school holidays when that time comes and times when it will be possible for him to come back up to Glasgow without missing his nursery etc.

We dont as much not get on as much as simply not communicate, I have little desire to after her attacking me and when I can do so via her parents who are great.

Can anyone shed any light on the bond aspect... my sons barely seen me for 2 or 3 months now, and sees me once or twice a month just now. Will he know i am his daddy when he sees me? I often wonder about this and it tears me up big time. I know when hes bigger he will naturally want to see his daddy but just now I do wonder.

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 3 weeks ago #100673

hi wyatt,

i can share my experience about bonding aspect. my ex did a runner while heavily pregnant. court process got rolling. up till my first court hearing i saw the baby for 10 minutes and that was it,and at the time baby would have been under 3 months old. court ordered that i sit in ex's flat for 30 minutes every saturday for few weeks. weird lol but i couldnt complain as ex was not interested in me seeing the baby.

as court progressed, that contact changed to me seeing the baby for 1 hour every 2 weeks, nearby in coffee shop or park. ex was wonderful enough to suggest i see baby in contact centre and pay for it lol. court didnt buy that crap. she is now 9 months old. ex told lies about wanting to breast-feed child till age 1 so baby could not be away from mother for very long. and even my other kids tell me baby is on solids already. anyway when court ended we agreed that child contact will increase when baby reaches 1, and then overnights when she is 2.
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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 2 weeks ago #100778

Lots of mums abuse their child's father and use them for adhoc babysitting at short notice. They then use this as a way to threaten when the father can or cannot see their child, and to control what they do when they have the child. If the father gets a new partner and has more children these threats tend to increase.

It is not in the child's best interests to not know when they will see either parent as children particularly if school age need a routine. The child will probably get upset if they don't know which parent they are staying with/seeing when.

You are also a person who has a right to have your own family life and private life which is absolutely nothing to do with your ex. If you agree to being the babysitter and don't stick firmly to a routine with changes agreed weeks in advance, you will heap a whole load of pain on yourself if and when you go onto have more children with a new partner.
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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 2 weeks ago #100782

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@WyattsDaddy

are you in the court process? You say 'they are saying' do you mean the mother or the court.

It is difficult to get overnights in place for a breastfed baby if the mother is opposed. I would suggest accepting as much contact as she will offer and suggest mediation perhaps to help you progress.
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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 2 weeks ago #100793

Thanks everyone,

When I say they i mean the mother and my ex. I accept i need to be patient with having my son up to scotland and overnight even though it sucks..

I am worrying about his 1st birthday, in November. If me and the ex dont like being around each other i dunno what approach to take or what to expect but what would you suggest? Im really worried my ex gets selfish and I cant see him at all on the day, i couldnt handle that.

With regard to court i am trying to get it in motion now, can anyone give answers to the following;

How to I arrange it, how do I apply?
When I do apply should I have a lawyer organised already? If so should i have went through everything with them before making the application?
Are there any options for people who dont have 1000s to spare when it comes to a lawyer?

Thanks so much to all

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 2 weeks ago #100798

The child won't know it's his first birthday and won't remember.

At the earliest children know it's their birthday on a particular date when they are about 3 but most only learn when they are 5 due to going to school.

So celebrate his birthday on the nearest date you have him and don't create battles you don't need.

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Need Advice on taking my 8 month old overnight 2 months 2 weeks ago #100801

Why have the courts given 1 hour every 2 weeks. That is awful

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