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TOPIC: Custody battle

Custody battle 1 week 2 days ago #100986

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I have been in an abusive relationship, where the abuse has been pretty horrific; biting, punching, kicking, threats to use weapons, destruction of property, sexual, financial, emotional and coercive behaviour. This was mostly after the birth of my son, up until July last year was the worst. The emotional abuse and coercive behaviour carried on...no one recognises who she even is now not even her friends. I put an emergency application in and was awarded interim custody, on the basis of abuse, which has been to FHDRA. At FHDRA, the judge decided that a finding of fact hearing wasn't required (ex is getting legal aid) and that all that is required is a mental health assessment. I raised my concerns about her mental health and I want a FoF because the allegations she made against me aren't true. The s7 report has been ordered and we have a review in a month, with Scott Schedules to be submitted (without fact finding?!). I feel like I know where this is going...in my opinion the judge sided with the mother for the next steps. FoF would remove legal aid...it also doesn't let me put my case across properly. My ex also has a daughter from another relationship and the age gap is huge. The things in her favour are basically: 1. sibling with her, 2. shes a mum and 3. she's on home turf and her solicitor knows the judge. I feel like I am going to lose this case and end up without my son :(. I can't remember what was said exactly, but the judge said "are there any other reasons why the child should live with the father?" ...which to me is a very leading and assumes the default position is with mother. I suspect this assessment will come back all fine (because how do you easily diagnose a personality disorder/abusive person. I want my son to be safe. I've been the primary carer for the most of this year.
Does anyone have any positive stories here? I have a flexible job and work from home too...

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Custody battle 1 week 1 day ago #100992

hi,

i dont know about your case but has there been any risk of harm to your child? is the child living with her mum?

even if child ends up living with mum, you can try get as much time with your child as possible, as your jobs flexible.

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Custody battle 1 week 12 hours ago #101006

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Hi Bill,

The child lives with me at the moment, until this is sorted, she has to have supported contact with the child at weekends. She has accidentally attacked him, showered him in glass, thrust baby on our bed and put him through witnessing abuse to me.

The added issue is I want to move back to where I'm from, which is hundreds of miles away. I therefore need weekend contact if this is to happen to me. She has 3/4 weekends and I get the rest at the moment, I would want at least that.

What is normal in these circumstances? I don't want to be one of those Dads that gets every other weekend and gets alienated...:(.

This child is my life and he needs me!

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Custody battle 1 week 12 hours ago #101007

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Also, Bill, I have covert recordings of what was happening during serious episodes of abuse (basically to protect myself). Would I be frowned upon for submitting to court? The recording was taken from a phone and screaming from children and ex smashing stuff can be heard. I noticed you saying things become stacked against?

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Custody battle 6 days 15 hours ago #101022

hi wr75,

i think social services will be more interested in your recordings etc. speak to them about it. how will she see the child if you move hundreds miles away? it will become a pain for you, as courts will probably expect you to bring your child to her, or meet her half way somewhere. is it possible for you to stay put?

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Custody battle 6 days 14 hours ago #101025

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Hi Bill, OK so you think Social Services should hear the recordings? We are doing Scott Schedules and the recordings will be submitted as evidence...is this a good idea or not? As for the contact, I can stay put on my own, or happy to travel. However, I am concerned this sibling issue will destroy it for me. Us fathers don't seem to win very often in these cases and the judge to me seems to favour the mother. The allegations have been brushed over so far and the focus is on mental health now, as opposed to does she have an abusive personality/is a risk to the child. The FoF hearing would prove the facts so they can be used by independent experts and the mother wants to use the same judge...that's not fair. I have an option of making a judiciary complaint but not sure where that will lead me.
The things in my favour are better care for the child, victim of abuse, flexible with work, no risk of harm to child, structure and routine. It seemed to be me defending my application, rather than it being taken on face value. I've got everything in terms of a reason, except I'm not a mother and I don't have another child. What is your experience regarding siblings in these cases? If the gender roles were reversed we wouldn't even be having these debates in court it would done and dusted, with supported bi-weekly contact and anger management courses.

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Custody battle 5 days 16 hours ago #101037

hi,

you mentioned she has supported contact. so something went against her. i dont have experience in this field. all i can mention is during my court case, ex did not want me to have fri-sun contact with kids. her reason being that our kids mingle with lot of kids on her side of family, and friday is special day for that. failed lol. and i was given usual fri-sun every other weekend. in your dealings with social services you can mention the recordings and see if their interested . you shouldn't submit this as evidence randomly if they are not asking for it.

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Last Edit: by Bill337.

Custody battle 3 days 23 hours ago #101062

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It's a weird situation and was at a different court that I got the decision. The troubling thing for me is that I feel there is some bias, but I can't prove it. The only thing is stuff like that question in my first post...imagine that being said the other way! Not to mention, if gender roles were reversed, do you think the allegations would be treated equally? I feel for you, I really do, as someone that should be an equal parent, why do you have to lose out?

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Custody battle 3 days 12 hours ago #101068

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Another question...I am doing Scott Schedules and you're supposed to submit evidence, but my solicitor seems to think we aren't filing evidence yet...is this correct? I am worried I am supposed to be submitting it all and there is a misunderstanding?

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Custody battle 23 hours 7 minutes ago #101101

As you have a solicitor then that would be the best person to know about submitting evidence with the Scott Schedule.

The Scott Schedule is a list of allegations / claims by the one side against the other....are you responding to her allegations or submitting allegations about her?

If you're responding to her allegations and you have evidence to did-prove her allegations then you should be submitting it with the response to the Scott schedule to court.

I was litigant in person at my Finding of Fact but I had to produce the hearing bundle....that bundle had the Scott Schedule, my responses to her allegations and in them listed where to find my evidence in the evidence section of the bundle. all of this was submitted to court and to her ahead of the hearing.
they had to submit any evidence they wanted to submit with her statement that also went in the hearing bundle.

check with your solicitor if he's doing the bundle, your evidence should be in that

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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!
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