Want to get some thoughts and insights if i may - so first contact in v long time ( almost a year). consistent and immediate breach each time went to court during this year. Though last time few weeks ago contact happened - initially was terrible with little one screaming - i had worked out the breaches were to allow time for uninteruppted conditioning rather than stopping access ( though this is a bonus). Once, i had established the screaming was due to conditioning - modification of the approach during contact resulted in a successful contact for the remainder of the time.
Back to court, who have ordered a section 37 - as the guardian is concerned about emotional abuse. My question is what do i expect from section 37? i have no time for the social services - i know they are corrupt, i have personal evidence of this.
What i would like to say to social services is," this is ordered by the judge due to their concerns over the ex's behaviour with little one, so i do not need to go into detail about myself, my circumstances etc and you should stick within the scope, i.e. the judges and guardians concerns" though this will be taken as a negative - so i best not.
so my questions are, how do i best approach this? what are they likely to ask me and why? especially when the trigger is the exes behaviour, lies, and clear breaches of order.
The current judge does not like me - i am sure of that, as the ex makes it very easy for me to demonstrate her unjustified implacable hostility towards me ( guardian has also now voiced her concerns of exs behaviour becoming parental alienation), so i equally do not want to give the judge more reason to continue with their nonchalant behaviour towards the exes continued abuse.
No I agree, that's why whilst I would love to take the position, stated. I know I cannot.
However I am not sure what to expect here. I have had no contact with child, their involvement is by the court ordering it. Ex appears happy that they are doing it, though it is a direct indication of the courts mistrust of her so I don't understand it though she has extensive knowledge around this. I have not had any contact and been totally compliant with orders. So what am I to think?
I've had 4 Sections 7, a Section 37 and an Addendum S37 in the past 3 years. These things can be daunting, but to be honest, after number 3, I kind of knew what was expected and how to play the game (for want of a better description). I had my last S37 just 4 weeks ago, with a recommendation for 50/50 shared care which was signed off by the Judge 2 weeks ago.
My advice - keep everything child-focussed at all times. This doesn't mean you cannot air your concerns, but try and do this in as calm and neutral a way as possible.
Have you been asked to provide a statement for Social Services to consider alongside their report? If so, you can briefly cover some of the concerns you have. Wherever you can (in meetings, calls and written), keep highlighting that you know your child loves both parents, and want to promote a positive and healthy co-parenting relationship in your child's best interests.
Section 37's will typically cover:
Social Worker's background and experience
The nature and background of the applications before the Court/Social Services
Dates and times of calls or meetings they've had with parents/health professionals/schools etc to form the report
Family composition (names of parents and close friends and family involved in child's life)
Details of the background and meetings held
You may want to try and mirror where you think Social Services might be going - pay attention in your calls/meetings with them to specific buzz-phrases they might use and try to relay the same. Stick to the line of "I know that my child loves mother, and mother loves child but I only wish this view was reciprocated on both sides etc".
I haven't had a negative experience with Social Services yet, but accept that some dads are getting the short end of the stick with things. My main issue was that they didn't seem to want to act when there were clear breaches of the many Orders we had by my ex - I guess the general idea is trying to get everyone aligned to what they deem to be in the child's best interest.
It would wherever possible and safe (in my opinion) be Social Services and the Courts view that a child should have 2 active parents in their life, rather than one or none. They shouldn't be on any parent's side.
Although these processes drag on sometimes, I get the feeling that the professionals need that time to see which parent is consistent in their good or bad behaviour, and which parent is ultimately focussed on resolving things rather than dragging things on.
I've not been asked for a statement, in fact all I know is that it has been ordered. Your post makes a lot of sense to me. So thanks for these
Is a statement usual? I have read posts on here where they say to show recordings to ss. I have them as it was obvious, right after the ex got pregnant, that this was all planned. I suspect for money. What's your thoughts over these?
I have remained child focused throuhout and will continue to do so. Any more advice?
Not sure if it's usual/unusual that a statement is required. I had to do one for the last S37, but not for the S7's before.
You may want to write your thoughts and opinions (keep it to a few pages tops) and share with Social Services regardless. Explain that you want to ensure your opinions are recorded accurately - it is often the case that things get missed off final reports, or worded in too soft, too harsh or completely the wrong tone!
You could include in that letter something along the lines of "I am providing this short letter to reflect my feelings on what has led us where we are today and my personal thoughts on how we as parents can work together for XXX's benefit ..."
It's good you have evidence to support your claims, but try not to bombard SS. They'll likely be receiving similar from your ex so it may end up being a massive case of he said, she said and parents not able to let go of the past. I get the impression in a lot of circumstances, they'll assume both parents are exaggerating their claims and there is a bit of blame on both sides.
You can just say that there have been many allegations made against you, which you of course deny, but that your focus isn't on proving or disproving these (which you'd be happy to provide proof to the contrary if required). You can show your concern that it feels there is a focus with your ex on frustrating promoting a positive relationship for your child with both parents. All that you want is for your child to be a happy, well-rounded, contributing member of society with a diverse outlook on life made up of both parent's input. Give credit where due to your ex for her contribution to your child's development as well.
It's great that you are keeping things child-focussed - the more you do this, the more you'll be able to overlook when your ex tries to frustrate things, and the more emotional energy you'll have left for you little one! Just keep showing that you are the one focussed on the future and working together in a spirit of co-parenting.